Nobody Supports Hamas Terror

But if they absolutely, positively have to pick a target…

Eurovision

Eurovision entrants rehearse in Tel Aviv as rockets rain on south – No cancellations as international bands continue to arrive and prepare for song contest, which opens May 14

“We are here to sing and we hope the music will beat everything.”

Neun Tage vor Eurovision Song Contest – Hamas droht mit Angriffen auf Tel Aviv.

All Good Clean Fun, Right?

Nothing at all, I dunno, creepy or anything here.

Eurovision

Germany’s new anti-Semitism commissioner says a leading newspaper crossed a “red line” with a caricature of Benjamin Netanyahu portraying the Israeli Prime Minister with oversized lips, ears and nose.

Felix Klein, who was appointed this year amid concerns over rising anti-Semitism, told the Bild newspaper on Thursday that Tuesday’s cartoon in Munich’s Sueddeutsche Zeitung* in the aftermath of the U.S. decision to move its embassy in Israel to Jerusalem recalled “the intolerable depictions of Nazi propaganda.”

The drawing depicts Netanyahu dressed as Israeli singer Netta Barzilai, who won this year’s Eurovision song contest. The heart that forms the “v” in Eurovision is replaced with a Star of David and Netanyahu is hoisting a missile in his hand, saying “next year in Jerusalem.”

Sueddeutsche Zeitung has apologized for the caricature.

* The editorial stance of the newspaper is liberal and generally of center-left.

Plans Already Well Underway For Next Year’s Last Place Eurovision Showing

For Germany, I mean.

ESC

German producer Stefan Raab has already developed a so-called Vorentscheid or preliminary decision show to let German Eurovision fans experience up close and personal and far in advance just which German act will fall flat on its face in 2017.

A jury of representatives from the German music business has already been selected that will in turn select one unlucky winner to represent the Federal Republic during the international TV song competition as it is systematically shamed, disgraced and humiliated for the third year running at least.

Versteht nur Stefan Raab den ESC?

Germany’s Eurovision Preselection Winner Forced Out To Meet New Gender Quota

No sooner did the German women already running the country pass a law requiring that at least 30% of non-executive members at large companies be women than was Andreas Kümmert, the fair and square winner of the chance to represent Germany at this year’s all-important Eurovision song contest, forced at what might as well have been gunpoint to hand over his spot to runner-up Ann Sophie, a woman.

Kümmert

Kümmert, A man, I think, his arm being held tightly behind his back, shocked the German Eurovision preselection audience by announcing “I’m really not in the right shape to accept this. Honest I’m not! I swear I swear I swear. You take it, Ann Sophie. And you run with it, girl!”

Sheesh. These broads never would have gotten away with this last year.

Germany’s Crappy Eurovision Song Not Given The Votes It Deserved

Denmark’s Loreen and 19 others sang crappy songs that took in way more votes.

Eurovision

Böse Zungen (malicious tongues) have even suggested that Germany’s crappy Eurovision showing last night might not be entirely the fault of its crappy Cascada entry.

“We are in a difficult situation,” Thomas Schreiber from the ARD TV über-network said. “This is clearly a political situation.”

It wasn’t like Angela Merkel was singing (she might have actually won), but “you also have to see that it wasn’t just Cascada up there, Germany was on stage, too.”

Der ARD-Unterhaltungschef deutet ein Imageproblem in Europa an: “Da stand auch Deutschland auf der Bühne.”

PS: It wasn’t all bad news for Germany this weekend, however. Justin Bieber’s monkey will now become a German citizen.

German Plagiarism Obsession Now Spreading To The Eurovision Eurotrash Music Contest ITSELF

German critics are contending that the cruddy song to be performed by German dance band Cascada at this year’s cheesy Eurovision Song Contest is a crappy rip-off of last year’s worthless winning tune.

Eurovision

Cascada’s awful “Glorious,” they claim, is a cheap immitation of the dreadful “Euphoria” by Loreen.

In terms of beat, vocals and pauses, one critic says, the songs are virtually identical in their atrociousness and consummate lack of anything even remotely resembling musical taste.

“The vocals at the start are completely identical,” he added. “And pretty much indistinguishable in their repulsiveness. The refrain uses the same exact lack of emphasis and fails to work up to a climax in the very same way, too. The singer even uses the same ridiculous breathing style, for crying out loud. Move over to the side there buddy, I think I’m going to puke.”

It certainly isn’t the first time that the German entry has been dogged by such allegations. Previous acts accused of lacking originality include No Angels, Stefan Raab, Ralph Siegel, Texas Lightning and even the angelic-looking Nicole, who won the 1982 Eurovision Song Contest with the song “Ein Bisschen Frieden.”

Earth to academia, Earth to academia…

Can you read me?

Eurovision is once again upon us, which is scary enough. But now it’s also time for us to find out that it has something called a “deeper meaning.” All it took for this was 35,000 pounds (€40,000) of British government funding, a few academics and a whole lot of not having a life. Here are just a few of the revolutionary revelations and fun facts about Eurovision that none of us really wanted to know about:

For the first time, there will be a major academic review of Eurovision, including a series of workshops that will be completed this weekend in Düsseldorf, Germany, where the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest is being hosted, and culminate with the publication of a book of essays. 
 
We have been assured that “it really takes international and multidisciplinary perspectives to even start to pick away at what Eurovision means.” Or why anyone would want to (pick away at it), I assume

Eurovision is “56 years of European pop, gender and representational history.” Not to mention the really sucky music part.

“Eurovision is an arena for European identification in which both national identity and also participation in a European identity are confirmed.” Yeah, OK. Whatever.

But of course not even seasoned academics can be expected to be experts at Eurovision geography, folks. Some of my personal Eurovision favorites, for instance, are European nations like Israel, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Morocco and Kazakhstan.

Little technicalities like these can be educational, however. “At least it gets people thinking about a country which normally wouldn’t cross their minds. Maybe they’ll look on a map to try to figure out where it is,”

And…

Eurovision is the world’s largest live non-sporting television event.

Eurovision has grown more since 1989 than either NATO or the European Union.

Eurovision is not just kitsch and lamé, it is “a night when Europe comes together symbolically” (and nasty stereotypes about national identity (in stereo) lead to animosity and symbolic surrogate war).

And last but not least, Eurovision is queer. “Another subject you won’t have to dig too deep into the academics’ footnotes to find is the ‘queerness’ of an annual event that has come to be known as ‘Gay Christmas.'”

So sit back this weekend and enjoy some European unity, televoting and really crappy music. Ho, ho, ho or something.

Not even semi-utopian Eurovision has succeeded in bridging every cultural divide.

Wir sind Papst again!

No, this is even better than having a German Pope.

Lena delivered and brought home the Eurovision 2010 crown – or whatever the hell it is Eurovision winners get when they, uh, win.

Knock yourselves out or something already!

PS: I don’t want to spoil your cornflakes or anything, Germany – she’s a cutie pie, really – but there’s something slightly wrong with her english/Englisch. I’m just sayin’, OK?