Greens Ready For Next Verbot

Coffee capsules. They’re colorful. They’re deadly. And they must be stopped.

Kapseln

According to German green scientists, these throwaway capsules produced “a mountain of garbage consisting of 5000 tons of aluminum and plastic” in 2014 alone. They refused to say where this mountain was located, however. The mountain is neither here nor there, folks. The important thing is that these capsules must be combated by introducing a so-called “deposit system” or “environmental tax,” two radical new German green ideas never yet tried before. It will be tough. And expensive. And annoying as hell. But we can only hope that their efforts will once again save our planet in time.

In Deutschland wurden dem “Spiegel” zufolge 2014 fast drei Milliarden Kaffeekapseln verbraucht. Das entspreche einem Müllberg von etwa 5000 Tonnen Aluminium und Plastik.

Coffee From Togo To Be Heavily Taxed

At last count, Germans who purchase coffee from Togo toss some 3 billion of the disposable cups used to temporarily carry it in each and every year.

Togo

Predictably outraged by this, German green shirts have predictably outraged German coffee vendors by suggesting that a 20-cent tax be placed on this luxury drink to encourage coffee Togo connoisseurs to bring along their reusable and occasionally re-washable coffee Togo coffee cups with them, preferably hanging on the environmentally friendly coffee Togo belt loop hangers attached to their biodegradable pants.

Should this prove to be too impractical for some customers, the ecological crusaders suggest, vendors should offer them a discount option (taxpayer subsidized) of drinking the invigorating beverage directly from their trembling cupped hands.

“Nehmen Sie sich ein wenig Zeit und trinken Ihren Kaffee vor Ort – aus einer Tasse.”