Germany Really Pissed Off At Twitter Now

Tired of being called Nazialmanya by unidentified Twitter-types, the nation of Germany is now moving forward at full speed to punish Twitter ITSELF for allowing such reprehensible name calling to take place.

Nazialamanya

“As a country, I have feelings, too,” said the federal parliamentary republic in central-western Europe. “And you can bet that I’m going to see to it that not cleaning up certain types of hate speech like pronto-or-practically-immediately-already will be criminalized because, well, just about everything else here that has not been expressly permitted has already been criminalized, too. So there.”

Hundreds of Twitter accounts from media outlets to celebrities including popstar Justin Bieber, were hacked Wednesday, branded with the Turkish flag and messages being sent out in Turkish.

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Germany Passes Stricter Rape Law That Won’t Be Enforced Any More Stricter Than The Strict Rape Law Before It Was

But at least the politicians (SPD) who introduced it can claim to have done something in reaction to the infamous New Year’s Eve attacks. No one has been sentenced for any of these attacks, by the way. Just so you get where I’m coming from.

Rape

Introducing new legislation like this doesn’t solve the problem unless the laws are actually enforced. It’s a mentality thing. Judges here in Germany, like judges in another country many of you are familiar with, are simply much too lenient when it comes to their interpretation of the law and their sentencing. They will be just as lenient with the new law as they were with the old one. But boy oh boy is this new law ever strict or something. “No” actually means “no” now. As if it had meant something else before.

The wave of attacks on New Year’s Eve in Cologne shocked Germans, though prosecutions have been minimal and many were aghast to learn that, once again, assault could only be proven under German law if the victim resisted. On Thursday, a 21-year-old Iraqi and an Algerian of 26 became the first men to be convicted of sexual assault when a Cologne court gave them suspended one-year sentences.

Many Germans Feeling Ill Already

Germany will legalise medical cannabis in early 2017.

Pot

Now the government just has to figure out how to grow the stuff – The ultimate goal of German health authorities is to grow medical marijuana on German soil at specially approved sites.

It is a high art, after all. And knowing how our half-baked buds in government regularly blow things sky high, the whole thing might just end up going to pot. I bet you it’s going to toke them forever to sucseed, in other words.

Um die Versorgung mit Cannabis in kontrollierter Qualität sicherzustellen, will die Regierung den Anbau der Droge zu medizinischen Zwecken unter staatlicher Kontrolle ermöglichen. Über den Anbau wacht das Bundesinstitut für Arzneimittel und Medizinprodukte.

German Of The Day: Majestätsbeleidigung

That means a slight or an insult against a sovereign majesty-type person (lèse majesté).

Law

You know, the crime German comedian Jan Böhmermann recently committed against the Top Sultan What’s in Charge in Turkey? In the year 2016, I mean?

Anyways, this law, paragraph 103, is still on the books here in Germany and Hamburg’s justice minister has decided to go way out on the limb here and give it a shot and see if he could maybe sort of like get rid of this ridiculous piece of legislation already. It would be a big step forward into the unknown and all that, of course, but I, for one, am convinced that German civilization will be able to handle it.

Die Justizbehörde geht davon aus, dass das Gesetz noch vor der Sommerpause gestrichen werden könnte und das Verfahren gegen Böhmermann dann eingestellt werden müsste. Davon unberührt blieben jedoch Ermittlungen gegen Böhmermann wegen Beleidigung nach Paragraf 185 Strafgesetzbuch.

Greens Ready For Next Verbot

Coffee capsules. They’re colorful. They’re deadly. And they must be stopped.

Kapseln

According to German green scientists, these throwaway capsules produced “a mountain of garbage consisting of 5000 tons of aluminum and plastic” in 2014 alone. They refused to say where this mountain was located, however. The mountain is neither here nor there, folks. The important thing is that these capsules must be combated by introducing a so-called “deposit system” or “environmental tax,” two radical new German green ideas never yet tried before. It will be tough. And expensive. And annoying as hell. But we can only hope that their efforts will once again save our planet in time.

In Deutschland wurden dem “Spiegel” zufolge 2014 fast drei Milliarden Kaffeekapseln verbraucht. Das entspreche einem Müllberg von etwa 5000 Tonnen Aluminium und Plastik.

But I Didn’t Inhale

Now this one here knocked my socks CLEAN off. Finally, some real news.

Pot

German GREEN whip Anton Hofreiter from the GREEN party has revealed in a shocking interview about his new GREEN Book entitled “Toking and Criminality” that yes, he, too, he HIM-GREEN-SELF actually smoked GREEN pot in his youth. He didn’t do it all that often, though. And it goes without saying that he didn’t inhale. And that was way back when in his youth, like he says. When he was young and stuff.

His drugs today are wine and beer. Damn. He reminds me of me.

“Ja, ich habe in meiner Jugend gekifft.”

Germans Don’t Frack Around

Germany is just about to make German fracking safer. In a country that doesn’t do any fracking in the first place, versteht sich (it’s understood). And they are going to make it safer by banning it altogether. Makes sense to me. When I concentrate really hard and try to think like a German, I mean (can’t do it for very long, though).

Fracking

The new draft law, which now goes to parliament for approval, will impose an outright ban on fracking for shale gas in the next few years and only allow scientific test drilling under strict conditions to assess the risks and environmental impact.

The law could allow commercial shale gas fracking in exceptional cases from 2019 but only after successful test drilling and the approval of a special committee.

Germany’s gas industry has warned restricting fracking could increase the country’s dependence on imported energy at a time when geopolitical concerns, particularly over Ukraine, are growing.

The BDI industry lobby group described the new conditions as “completely over the top”.

Last year, gas imports from Russia accounted for 37 percent of Germany’s supply. Only 12 percent of Germany’s needs were covered by its own reserves, down from almost a fifth a decade earlier.

Good Privacy Protection Is Good Weapon Protection

When Germans register private weapons, they do it thoroughly. But by always keeping thorough privacy protection policies in mind, too, of course.

Gun

There are 550 various Waffenbehörden (weapons agencies) in the country and they must all now register their registered weapons at the Nationale Waffenregister (national firearmes registry) to boot. Sound well-registered? It should. It is.

Unfortunately, for those who advocate strict weapon registration policies here (99.9 percent of the population?), things aren’t going to plan.

First of all, those who advocate strict weapon registration (“the public”) want to KNOW who has the weapons, how many these owners have, etc. but the firearms registry legislation does not provide for this so they are Scheiße outta luck (law enforcement officials have access, of course).

The second problem is that the numbers now indicate (as they always have elsewhere) that registered weapons still kill people. Along with all of those other “bad” illegal unregistered weapons out there, too, I mean.

Wer wie viele Waffen hat, geht die Öffentlichkeit nichts an – “Bitte betrachten Sie unsere Ablehnung nicht als unhöfliches Vorgehen. Wir sehen leider keine Möglichkeiten, Ihrem aus öffentlichen Interesse erwachsendem Anliegen geeignet zu entsprechen.”

Criminal Failed To Register Stolen Revolver Before Killing Girlfriend And Self

Gun law-abiding Germans everywhere where shocked to discover today that a criminal in Münster had failed to register the revolver he had stolen before turning the weapon on his girlfriend and himself.

Gun control

“I’ve seen it all now,” one enraged passerby at the scene of the crime commented. “What good are stringent gun control laws if the criminals out there these days don’t have the decency to abide by them?”

“Don’t these idiots know that if you don’t register your stolen weapon it could be immediately confiscated and you’d probably be hit with a big honking fine?” Another irrate citizen chimed in. “And how the hell are the police going to be able to track down and arrest crooks like this if they don’t even know where to find them? And they haven’t killed themselves first, I mean. Ever think about that? The cops aren’t magicians you know.”

Der Revolver, mit dem der Mann schoss, stammte aus einem Einbruch in einem anderen Bundesland.

Why Won’t Germany Finally Introduce Stricter Gun Control Legislation?

Oh, I forgot. They already have.

Dossenheim

Three Dead After Shooting in Club House

This must be another anomaly or something.

Ein Mann schießt wild um sich, tötet und verletzt andere. Dann richtet er sich selbst. Die Frage nach dem Warum ist noch ungeklärt.