Merkel Injured While Performing Dangerous Hypocritical Stunt

German chancellor Angela Merkel, childless and enjoying a very generous and guaranteed tax payer-financed income, suffered a severely sanctimonious slipped disc while expressing phony empathy for the “misfortune” of families suffering from the Corona lockdown she and her team of non-elected experts so graciously imposed upon them.


She was immediately rushed to a group of specialist spin doctors waiting at the Chancellery where she made a miraculous instantaneous recovery and is now resting comfortably, as usual.

Coronavirus: Germany’s Merkel ‘hurt’ by parents’ struggles – German chancellor Angela Merkel, known for her reserved demeanor, said she was hurt to see the “misfortune” of families suffering in lockdown.

In a rare show of emotion for Germany’s often stony-faced Chancellor, Angela Merkel admitted she was “a bit sad that we have to go through such a time,” while listening to families struggling through a second coronavirus lockdown.

“I’m hurt when I see your misfortune.”

We’ve Come A Long Way, Baby

Landshut – A desperate mother called the police in Landshut because her seven-year-old daughter refused to go to bed. It had come to a heated argument between the two, the police reported, during which the girl insulted her mother and threw various objects at her. Once the 28-year-old got to the end of her rope she alerted the police. The officers calmed down the flared tempers. After a “tooth brushing under official supervision,” a policewoman brought the girl to bed.


Landshut – Eine verzweifelte Mutter hat in Landshut die Polizei gerufen, weil ihre siebenjährige Tochter nicht ins Bett gehen wollte. Es kam zu einem heftigen Streit zwischen den beiden, wie die Polizei mitteilte. Dabei beleidigte das Mädchen die Mutter und bewarf sie mit verschiedenen Gegenständen. Als sich die 28-Jährige nicht mehr zu helfen wusste, alarmierte sie am Abend die Polizei. Die Beamten beruhigten die erhitzten Gemüter. Eine Polizistin brachte das Mädchen nach «einer Zahnreinigung unter amtlicher Aufsicht» ins Bett.

Reproduction Regulators Recommend Rigorous Reform

The logic appears to go like this: Germans will only have children if they are paid by the state to do so.


That this money must first be taken from them by the state to only later be given back to them if they behave properly (improperly?) is the first oddity here but not really the issue at the moment – or at least not the one German politicians want to talk about. The problem now is that Germans aren’t having enough children (only 12% of families with children here have 3 or more). They are not following the German reproduction regulation logic like they are supposed to and are refusing to have large families despite regular increases to the child benefit or Kindergeld payments given here.

In an attempt to counteract what is now the German one-child-per-family-if-they-have-any-children-at-all tradition, some reproduction regulators are suggesting that families now be given higher payments for each successive child born. I’m sure this will work just great. Well, I’m kind of sure it might work maybe, I mean.

Of course more money will first have to be taken in from the Germans before some of it can be given back to some of them again but that’s never bothered legislators here before so why break with a tradition like that now?

“Die wirtschaftliche Situation von Familien verbessert sich trotz der staatlichen Unterstützung im Durchschnitt nicht.”