German Of The Day: Vorschriften

That means regulations. You know, like the regulations that were “intentionally” ignored 97% of the time while asylum requests were being processed at the BAMF in Bremen?

BAMF

So much for German efficiency, again. And chalk one up to German corruption, while we’re at it. Again.

Larry the lawyer and his other lawyer buddies must be having a real heyday up there. By the way, how can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.

Anwälte bekamen 97 Prozent ihrer Asylfälle anerkannt.

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More Government In Action

Universal law: Ever notice how when the government employees who are paid to do the job that they are paid to do are eventually asked to finally do the job they are paid to do suddenly have great and nearly insurmountable problems actually doing it – primarily because they are chronically understaffed? Or claim to be?

Government

Well, it’s not just where you live, wherever that might live. Take Berlin’s civil servants, for instance. Please. Remember the Anis Amri case?

The latest here is that the police director of Berlin’s Islamism Department (no, they don’t support Islamism, they combat it – or are at least supposed to) had time enough to pursue private sideline jobs while loudly and officially complaining about how he and his department were completely overstretched on the case.

See how it works? Everywhere? So the next time somebody comes along in your city/state/national capital wanting to cut costs by firing some of these chronically understaffed people, please keep this in mind.

Während seine Mitarbeiter hoffnungslos überlastet waren, hatte der Leiter des Berliner Islamismus-Dezernats offenbar trotzdem Zeit für private Nebenjobs.

German Of The Day: Freeloader

That means freeloader. Actually, the German word for that is Schmarotzer but this is so-called Neudeutsch or New German (English) so relax about it already.

Freeloader

Anyway… Germany must increase its military spending and take a more active role in conflicts to avoid being seen as one of the world’s biggest freeloaders, an influential diplomat said on Wednesday.

Wolfgang Ischinger, chairman of the Munich Security Conference and Germany’s former envoy to Washington, urged the country’s would-be government coalition partners to reverse their restrictive stance on arms exports and formally back commitments to NATO.

Damn. And this is a diplomat talking here so you can imagine the words less diplomatic folks like you and me would use.

“We should not develop the reputation of being one of the world’s best freeloaders.”

No Alternative Facts Or Fake News Here

While President Donald Trump held his speech at the World Economic Forum in Davos on Friday he brought up one of his favorite themes: “Fake news” and malicious journalists who are ought to get him.

Trump

There were some boos in the crowd following this. No big surprise here. But responsible journalists at Germany’s Staatsfunk channel ARD, concerned that these boos might not be as audible on their recording as they “ought” to be, tweaked the audio to make the boos louder.

The outrage in Germany hielt sich in Grenzen (was limited) when this came out, of course, but a few German journalists were nevertheless less than impressed with the ARD’s methods. “You’ve clearly overstepped the limits for a news broadcast,” wrote one journalist. “And it’s hard to imagine that you would have done the same should there have been applause.”

„Die @tagesschau hilft ein bisschen nach, damit Buh-Rufe gegen Trump lauter und deutlicher zu hören sind. Klare Grenzüberschreitung bei einer Nachrichtensendung, lieber @KaiGniffke. Und schwer vorstellbar, dass Sie dasselbe bei Applaus getan hätten“, schreibt Reichelt.

“Not Deployable For Collective Defense”

Three years ago, Germany’s military made headlines when it used broomsticks instead of machine guns during a NATO exercise because of a shortage of equipment. The lack of real weapons in the European Union’s most populous nation was seen as symptomatic of how underfunded its military has long been.

Germany

One Russian annexation later, if anything, the state of affairs has only gotten worse, according to the parliamentary commissioner for the country’s armed forces.

He has now reached the conclusion that the German military is virtually “not deployable for collective defense,” at the moment. Independent commissioner Hans-Peter Bartels also indicated in a recent interview that Germany was unprepared for the possibility of a larger conflict even though smaller operations abroad may still be possible.

Meanwhile… Rising exports, Turkish tanks fuel German arms sales debate.

Again: Germany’s army is an alibi army that will never be used for anything other than to make Germans feel better (less worse?) about being 1) pacifists while being at the same time 2) the world’s third largest weapons exporter. Remember this when the next demand for them to spend 2 percent GDP on their defense comes up and they start to fidget – and get away with not spending it again.

How Poor Is Germany?

Why Germany is so poor it can’t even put its two cents in the conversation.

EU

Poor? Germany is so poor it scams the Nigerians.

Germany is poor. It’s so poor it drives a Poor-shh.

And to top these jokes off, Germany is so poor that German states like Brandenburg will continue to need aid from the European Union for, like, well… Forever.

Remember: “The state (or in this case the über-suprranational-EU-state) is that great fiction by which everyone tries to live at the expense of everyone else.”

Brandenburg darf aus Sicht von Finanzminister Christian Görke (Linke) bei künftigen notwendigen Haushaltseinsparungen der Europäischen Union nicht belastet werden.

My Guess Is Argentina

US authorities have issued international arrest warrants for five former VW managers and developers for their role in the Dieselgate scandal.

VW

Nobody in Germany can seem to find them so, you know, just put two and two together. No, that doesn’t make five. But it comes close.

Under the constitution, German citizens can only be extradited to other European Union countries or to an international court. But leaving Germany could pose the risk of being extradited to the United States from a third country.

Erwartbare Konsequenz.”

Who’s Your Daddy?

The German birth rate is suddenly spiking or something. I knew you could do it, guys.

Pregnant

German officials say growing numbers of pregnant immigrant women are paying German men to pose as fathers so that they can qualify for residency.

German broadcaster RBB found up to 700 cases in Berlin alone. “There are many unreported cases,” said Ole Schröder, a top interior ministry official.

Some pregnant immigrant women are reported to have paid fake fathers and solicitors as much as €5,000 (£4,356; $5,628) to get paternity registered. Once that is done, the baby automatically becomes a German citizen and the mother has the right to stay.

“Wir haben teilweise Personen, die über zehn Vaterschaften annerkannt haben.”

German Of The Day: Schaumschläger

That means “foam basher.” And that means somebody who makes a lot of noise but doesn’t deliver, a hot-air artist. Hmm. There sure is a whole lot of foam in that beer mug she’s holding down there, don’t you think?

Foam

“The times when we could fully rely on others are to some extent over — I experienced that in the last few days,” Merkel told her supporters, according to Bloomberg. “We Europeans must really take our destiny into our own hands.”

That’s the moment when she took that foamy beer mug into her own hands, I guess. Or maybe somebody had just handed it to her after it had finally reached the end of this pipeline.

Breath deeply, everyone. It’s election season in Germany. And if you can’t pick up a few votes by bashing Donald Trump over here then you can’t poor foam out of a boot.

Die Kanzlerin brachte den Frust des G7-Gipfels vom Wochenende mit, die Parteivorsitzende das Wissen darum, dass Kritik an den USA und vor allem an Trump bei Wählerinnen und Wählern in Deutschland bestens ankommt. Der Hauptgegner im Wahlkampf, die Sozialdemokraten, spielen diese Karte schon länger. Und beide haben Europa wieder entdeckt.

Living Up To Contractual Obligations Causing Angst

Concerned about possibly turning Germany into a military superpower again by raising its defense spending from 1.3 to 2 percent of its gross domestic product (as agreed to by Germany many years ago in NATO), Germany’s foreign minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD) says that this could cause angst elsewhere in Europe, and most certainly at the German ministry of finance, and therefore maybe ought to be put off for an other 10 to 15 years or so. Or maybe longer. It all depends.

Gabriel

Angst is a terrible thing, people. And so is Verarschung (being bullshited). But angst is worse, I guess.

“Für Deutschland unrealistisch.”