The Polls Are Never Wrong

Right? As we were recently reminded after the Brexit vote and the United States presidential election, the pollsters, survey scientists and media manipulators who publish them are always right on the money.

Poll

So please keep this in mind (and please bring it back to mind in a few months time) when we now read that “the SPD has passed the union in another survey” (the union being Angela Merkel’s CDU/CSU) and that this is due to the so-called “Schulz effect.”

This means, of course, that Germans are supposed to believe that the SPD’s candidate for chancellor, Martin Schulz, is wildly popular and on a roll and is single-handedly bringing German social democracy back from the near-death it is now experiencing to march together bravely into the brave new social democratic (socialist) future. They don’t believe it, of course, because he isn’t and he can’t. Germans, too, have also realized that polls have long since failed in their traditional function as poorly functioning forecast tools and are now failing miserably at their latest job: To deftly manipulate public opinion and steer it in the direction these pollsters & co. want it to go.

Nobody buys it anymore, Martin. Just like nobody buys you. You can bring out all the survey results you want but that won’t change a thing.*

Der Schulz-Effekt hält an: Die SPD hat auch laut einer Emnid-Umfrage die Union überflügelt. Die AfD fällt erstmals seit einem Jahr unter zehn Prozent.

*The real issue here is the true degree of Angela Merkel’s unpopularity, another closely guarded media secret.

Remember The Seven Million Dollar Man?

Well they’ve got a 1.1 billion Eurofighter over here. Lawsuit, I mean.

Eurofigher

Austria is seeking as much as 1.1 billion euros ($1.16 billion) from Eurofighter Jagdflugzeug GmbH and its main shareholder, Airbus Group SE, after a probe concluded the companies deceived the government in a 2003 purchase of fighter jets.

“We can’t accept that Austrian taxpayers are co-funding bribes by way of the purchase price. We have clear evidence that Eurofighter and Airbus deceived Austria. This deception has caused massive financial damage.”

Arresting One Of The Fourteen Would Have Been Enough

Why did German authorities fail to stop Anis Amri, Spiegel asks? Like, duh. Because they can. And boy oh boy can they ever.

Amri

I mean, what didn’t go wrong here? Now it’s come out that this guy was known to German authorities under fourteen different identities long before the attack in Berlin took place. Nothing suspicious there, right? That’s why nothing was undertaken, I guess. Now people are asking why but they already know why because that’s why German authorities are there. To do nothing. Except get reprimanded for using bad words. That’s why. Inspires confidence, doesn’t it?

Aus einem Bericht des NRW-Landeskriminaldirektors Dieter Schürmann vor dem Ausschuss ging hevor, dass Amri den deutschen Behörden unter insgesamt 14 verschiedenen Identitäten bekannt war.

German Moon Mission A Hoax

A German Lunar X-Prize team’s announcement that it plans to send two mobile probes to the Moon to inspect the lunar rover left behind by the Apollo 17 mission has been exposed as a hoax because everybody knows that these Apollo moon landings never took place in the first place.

Hoax

The team hopes to land its probes about 2 to 3 miles (3 to 5 km) from the touch down site of Apollo 17 in the Taurus-Littrow valley. From there, the vehicles will drive to within 200 meters (656 feet) of the Apollo rover and inspect it remotely…

The Google Lunar X-Prize requires its competitors to land their probes on the Moon in 2017, which gives us something to look forward to next year. Once the probe sends back its high-definition pictures of the lunar rover, you can happily show them to your annoying Moon Truther friends.

Big Anti-AfD Mass Rally Held In Berlin

Only without the masses. That’s strange. As we all know, or at least told time and time again, the “Alternative for Germany” AfD party is a serious threat to “all those who don’t fit into its view of the world” and must be stopped at all costs or something. So why didn’t anybody show up at the mass rally held against them yesterday in Berlin?

AfD

Maybe those telling as these things (the established parties and the established media outlets) don’t fit into the view of the German voter’s world anymore. Gee. I wonder how the regional election in Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania is going to go today?

The event, which was held in Berlin on September 3, managed to only attract 2,500 people, according to police sources. The organizers of the rally had expected around 10,000 demonstrators and said their count was 6,000 attendees.

Nazi Nuclear Bombs Found Underground Near Underground Nazi UFO Site

Near these, a Nazi gold train was also discovered. And the Amber Room. And the Loch Ness Monster.

Nazi

It too had been buried deep underground right next to the underground Nazi Time Tunnel device that helped Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan win World War II and occupy the dystopian alternative history-like America we all live in today, albeit in an underground fashion.

“Eventually, it will decompose, and we will have a second Chernobyl on our hands.”

What Part Of Last Place Don’t You Understand?

I think I’m beginning to detect a pattern here. Didn’t Germany get last place at the Eurovision freak show last year, too?

Eurovision

And it’s not like the voting is ever politically motivated or anything, you guys. It’s strictly about the music. And that’s what makes this happening so, well, I dunno. Creepy?

But instead of seeing this last place as a badge of honor, it looks as though the Germans have hurt feelings about the results, yet again. So, in the end, I guess everybody wins after all, right?

Um das neue Punktesystem vollends zu begreifen, muss man vermutlich noch mindestens zwei Semester ESC-Wissenschaft studieren.

German Of The Day: Inszenierung

Erich Honecker would be proud. Or at least a little envious.

Congress

Inszenierung means staging, or a political staging or production in this case.

Despite the incredibly deep division in Germany regarding the ongoing refugee crisis, the 1000 delegates at Angela Merkel’s CDU party congress yesterday honored her with enthusiastic applause and a 99% approval rating of open door policy. What they really think about it is of course another matter.

Meanwhile… The number of crimes committed against refugees in connection with their accommodation has risen drastically this year, nearly doubling to 1610.

Die CDU hat mit einem Leitantrag zu Flucht und Integration ihrer Parteivorsitzenden Angela Merkel deutlich den Rücken gestärkt. Der vom Bundesvorstand am Sonntagnachmittag noch leicht geänderte Antrag fand am Montag beim Bundesparteitag eine Zustimmung von etwa 99 Prozent der rund 1.000 Delegierten.

First The Pants

Now a Delorian Zwischenfall (incident) in Hill Valley itself?

What are they smoking on German TV news these days? Maybe this Gleichschaltung stuff isn’t such a bad thing after all.

“Eyewitnesses report that the car appeared to come out of nowhere.”

Marty McFly reiste im zweiten Teil der Filmreihe in die Zukunft – und landete mit seinem DeLorean am 21. Oktober 2015 um genau 16.49 Uhr.