Lockdown, Lockdown Light, Lockdown 2, Mega-Lockdown…

Angela Merkel is preparing her subjects for the next phase of effective government measures against COVID-19: The Mega-Lockdown.

Lockdown

Still remember, my fellow Americans? It has been a few weeks after all. As mainstream media repeatedly preached to us about Germany having the Corona pandemic under control?

It sure is reassuring to know that people like Angie & Co. are from the government and they’re here to help.

Merkel wants ‘very fast action‘ against virus after record deaths.

While Germany’s total deaths per capita since the start of the pandemic remain far lower than in the United States, its daily per capita mortality since mid-December has often exceeded the U.S. rate.

“The virus can only be stopped with additional efforts.”

How The Grinch Just Stole Christmas

In Germany. And no, it’s not the COVID-19 Grinch who did it. It was that other one with her evil elves below.

Lockdown

Germany set for nationwide hard lockdown from Wednesday: report – Germany is set to close most shops from Wednesday as it tightens lockdown curbs, according to a draft government proposal. Chancellor Angela Merkel is to meet with federal and state leaders on Sunday morning.

“Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more.”

Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart

And my virus too, Granny. Looks like that’s the last Last Christmas for you! (insert evil laughter here)

Corona

Merkel pleads with Germans to avoid a ‘last Christmas with the grandparents,’ as country smashes daily death record – Germany was praised among European nations for its handling of the first wave of the Covid-19 pandemic. But on Tuesday it suffered its deadliest day yet and infection rates are still rising. So what’s gone wrong?

And that was way back when on Tuesday.

Fast 30.000 Neuansteckungen mit dem Coronavirus binnen 24 Stunden meldet das Robert Koch-Institut – der höchste Stand in Deutschland seit Beginn der Pandemie.

Ve Have Vays Of Making You Talk

Ve know you have ze virus. Or at least you had it. Ve vere informed by your children. Vhere did you get it? Who did you give ze virus to you?

Group

Give us ze names! Sign ze papers!

Coronavirus: Anti-lockdown group put under surveillance in German state – A Querdenker group, one German state said, has been “infiltrated by extremists.” The movement is responsible for arranging large demonstrations against coronavirus restrictions across the country.

“Avoid your last Christmas wis your grandparents.”

We Can Do It!

Again. I mean, we can’t do it again. But still. We will.

Merkel

The first “heavy” Corona lockdown didn’t work back in March so we’ll try a “lockdown light” now. Makes sense to me. If you ask her. But that’s only because she’s been in power since Christ was a corporal and lost all touch with reality long ago. Well, at least since 2015.

Chancellor Angela Merkel appealed to Germans to obey expansive new restrictions throughout November, holding out the prospect of more freedom in the run-up to Christmas if the second coronavirus wave is pushed back.

“If we stick it out for one month, that can be a barrier in this second wave.”

“Germany’s Smart, Simple Formula for Fighting Its Coronavirus Spike”

Isn’t working. And won’t work (in the mid- to long term). Their smart, simple formula last March (the big lockdown) didn’t work either.

Covid

But none of your readers are interested in that. You’ve trained them well.

When it’s come to fighting the coronavirus crisis, Germany has been a model among Western nations. Under Chancellor Angela Merkel’s leadership, the country’s swift and organized initial response to the pandemic kept deaths low and quickly pushed case rates down to a controllable level. Its successes have in many ways stood as the starkest contrast to America’s scattered, disastrous response—proof that a large democracy with a federal form of government could, in fact, get a handle on the disease.

But…

PS: Always remember that everything before “but” was a lie.

If Only The United States Could Do Everything Right Too

Remember: Corona only spikes in the United States because, well, we do everything wrong.

Light

Not so in ze Europe. Take Germany, for example. They’ve done everything right so far (face masks, social distancing, strict restrictions, etc). The Germans even did a big lockdown already, just a few months back. And now, because the first lockdown worked so well and was so much fun, I guess, Germany is going to lockdown again. Only this time they refer to it as a “lockdown light.” Light as in restaurants, bars, hotels, gyms etc. will no longer have any guests and professional sports events will be held without spectators. And everybody stays home, of course. Sound vaguely familiar? It should. It is. But maybe this light lockdown will be more effective than that heavy one they did first. It’s all a question of having a positive attitude. Something Germans are world famous for.

Germany to go into circuit-break lockdown as coronavirus surges – Germany will impose an emergency month-long lockdown that includes the closure of restaurants, gyms and theatres to reverse a spike in coronavirus cases that risks overwhelming hospitals, Chancellor Angela Merkel said on Wednesday.

 

German Of The Day: Gastro-Lockdown

That means gastro lockdown. You know, as in gastronomy lockdown?

Gastro

It’s coming to Germany. Wow, and this in a country that has Corona under control (if you watch American mainstream media news). Angela “we can do it” Merkel will be announcing today and making sure that – take a deep breath now – restaurants, bars, clubs discotheques, pubs, as well as theaters, opera houses, concert houses, whore houses, casinos, amusement parks, film theaters, sport clubs, betting shops, swimming pools and gyms will be closed down for a bit. For our own protection. Not necessarily for the people who work there or own them, of course, but still. It’s a start. And what a whore house and some of the others there have to do with gastronomy I’ll leave up to you.

Otherwise though, everything else can remain open. For now.

Unter anderem sollen Gastronomiebetriebe sowie Bars, Clubs, Diskotheken, Kneipen und ähnliche Einrichtungen geschlossen bleiben. Gleiches soll für Theater, Opern, Konzerthäuser, Messen, Kinos, Freizeitparks, Spielhallen, Spielbanken, Wettannahmestellen, Bordelle, Freizeit- und Amateursportbetrieb, Schwimm- und Spaßbäder und Fitnessstudios gelten.

But Isn’t Everybody In Sweden Dead By Now?

How could their economy be in relatively good shape? They were BAD (compared to head of the class Germany) because they didn’t do that COVID-19 lockdown thing. I don’t understand.

Sweden

The 18 members of the DAX 30 index of Germany’s biggest firms that have already reported swung from a healthy profit in the second quarter of 2019 to a loss almost as big this year. For many companies, including Volkswagen, a giant carmaker, and BASF, the world’s biggest chemicals concern, results were even worse than analysts had expected. The income of the 27 Swedish firms in Stockholm’s OMX 30 that have reported so far fell by 49%, bad but much better than the DAX. If you include adjusted earnings of two opaque investment vehicles in the OMX, income actually rose…

In public, CEOs of big German companies generally praised their government’s tougher policies. Privately, though, some shared the fears expressed openly by the BVMW, the association of Mittelstand firms that represents 3.5m businesses with up to 250 employees. In an open letter in May the BVMW called on the government to lift the lockdown “before it is too late” and criticised it for lacking an exit strategy.