The Case Of The Missing SPD Candidate

New properties of the Schulz effect have been discovered by political scientists in Germany.

Martin

Similar to the Doppler effect, the Schulz effect is also characterized by a a distinct change of pitch (in this case hype) heard when the media vehicle (in this case Schulz himself) sounds its horn when approaching, passing and then receding from the observer (preferably forever). You can hardly hear a sound from him these days, in other words. And this is a good thing.

Der Hype um Martin Schulz lässt nach, die CDU liegt in Umfragen vor der SPD, die Mehrheit in NRW wackelt. Noch muss sich Schulz nicht sorgen, aber was ist da passiert?

Green With Envy

Or with hypocrisy. Take your pick. In this case  it’s both.

Erwischt

For a political party that wants no more gas/diesel-driven cars to be produced in Germany as of 2030, their talking head types sure seem to like the ones they can still get their sweaty little hands on.

A leading green politician lady was caught on film by the CDU competition as she got out of her CO2-belching Audi A8 Dienstwagen (official car) and into one of them there more correct kind of hybrid models – before driving off to an election campaign event.

The CDU guy who posted his stuff on social media wrote: “First have yourself driven to Dusseldorf in a big honking Audi A8 and then quickly jump into your waiting environmentally friendly hybrid car in the hope that nobody notices. Here’s to Green double standards!”

If I were her I’d just plead the fifth. Or tell everybody that I was suffering from performance anxiety, a very common ailment here.

„Kleiner Tipp an Frau Löhrmann: Beim nächsten Mal das Fahrzeug vielleicht besser in der Tiefgarage wechseln.“

German Bad Word Of The Year 2016: Volksverräter

That means traitor, or traitor of the people. And it’s actually a non-word or un-word of the year, not just a bad word of the year. Although it’s all three, I guess.

Traitor

And if you look carefully at that photo you will see the feminine form of that word. Just in case you were wondering.

Each year, German linguists elect one word as the ‘Unwort’ (non-word) of the year. For 2016, the winner was a term meaning ‘traitor’ which has strong Nazi connotations.

Das Wort sei ein “Erbe von Diktaturen“, sagte sie. In der Begründung der Jury heißt es, Anhänger von Pegida, AfD und ähnlichen Initiativen würden den Begriff als Vorwurf gegenüber Politikern verwenden. Er sei undifferenziert und diffamierend und würde “das ernsthafte Gespräch und damit die für Demokratie notwendigen Diskussionen in der Gesellschaft” abwürgen.

Our Facts Are The Facts

Post-factual world or not. And our truth is the truth, too. That’s how everybody else in the world out there – like us – sees it, right?

Facts

So truth be told, the fact is that, well, it is what we tell you it is, regardless of how you feel about it. So stop getting all emotional about things and just accept our facts as the truth and vice versa and, like, go with the flow already. Your eyelids are now getting heavy, by the way. Very heavy. You can only resist for so long. Honest. It’s a fact.

Asked about the rape-murder of a German student allegedly committed by a teenage Afghan asylum seeker and the recent arrest of a 31-year-old Iraqi asylum seeker over the sexual assaults of two Chinese students, Merkel urged Germans to stick to the known facts.

Germany To Remain Germany

Attempting to calm current fears that Germany could possibly turn into France, Mexico or even Lithuania, German Líder Máximo Angela Merkel herself has assured her nervous countrymen that this will most definitely not be happening.

Merkel

Not any time soon, at least. “It is not being actively pursued at the moment,” she elucidated.

These irrational fears came about after the population discovered well over a million foreign residents living next door to them who seem to have suddenly materialized out of nowhere, fueling speculation by some that they could be from one of those three countries. “They don’t speak French very well, though,” said one member of the population when asked. “And nobody is wearing a sombrero. I’ve never been to Lithuania myself so maybe they’re like from there or something.”

“Change is not a bad thing — it is a necessary part of life,”

German Foreign Office Supports Trump

Poor old Frank-Walter Steinmeier. He never was the sharpest knife in the, uh, cupboard. What is more, as Winston Churchill might have put it, “he is a sheep in sheep’s clothing.”

Trump

But worst of all are this guy’s instincts, or the lack of them. By coming out publicly and saying, as he just did, that the world is too complicated for characters like Trump (implying, of course, that only smart folks like Steinmeier HIMSELF are in the position to keep this complicated world of ours running so wonderfully as it is already) he assures that any American voter who hears this and is not quite sure about whether he or she wants to vote for Trump or not just got that much closer to deciding to do so.

„Die Welt ist wahnsinnig kompliziert. Sie braucht Politiker, die sich ihrer Verantwortung bewusst sind; die helfen, die Welt zu verbessern. Wir brauchen keine Anführer, die unsere Welt noch gefährlicher machen.“

German Of The Day: Bewährungsprobe

That means a test. As in a litmus test. As in the proving ground. As in testing times.

Yeah, that’s it. Testing times. And that, according to Chancellor Merkel herself, is what Germany is going through at the moment.

But it ain’t no big deal because, well, no. There still is no Plan B. And yes, “wir schaffen das” (we can do it). “We” meaning “you” in this case, of course. But still.

“Das ist eine Bewährungsprobe. Ich bin überzeugt, dass wir das schaffen.”

German Of The Day: Abschiedskultur

Yesterday we discussed the German Willkomenskultur (welcome culture). Today the very latest big thing is a new German word called Abschiedskultur (farewell or send-off culture).

Asylum

There are over 200,000 asylum seekers who have been denied asylum here in Germany but are still here. After the latest terror attacks – committed by two of them – a CDU politician (from Angela Merkel’s welcome culture party itself) has now had the audacity to say that it’s high time for the German government to see to it that those denied asylum actually go.

Boy oh boy did this guy ever take a dive into some hot water.

Wer abgelehnt wird, muss gehen.

PS: Sorry, I just double-checked. Only one of those two asylum seekers was denied asylum. The other one was “well-integrated.”

Germany Passes Stricter Rape Law That Won’t Be Enforced Any More Stricter Than The Strict Rape Law Before It Was

But at least the politicians (SPD) who introduced it can claim to have done something in reaction to the infamous New Year’s Eve attacks. No one has been sentenced for any of these attacks, by the way. Just so you get where I’m coming from.

Rape

Introducing new legislation like this doesn’t solve the problem unless the laws are actually enforced. It’s a mentality thing. Judges here in Germany, like judges in another country many of you are familiar with, are simply much too lenient when it comes to their interpretation of the law and their sentencing. They will be just as lenient with the new law as they were with the old one. But boy oh boy is this new law ever strict or something. “No” actually means “no” now. As if it had meant something else before.

The wave of attacks on New Year’s Eve in Cologne shocked Germans, though prosecutions have been minimal and many were aghast to learn that, once again, assault could only be proven under German law if the victim resisted. On Thursday, a 21-year-old Iraqi and an Algerian of 26 became the first men to be convicted of sexual assault when a Cologne court gave them suspended one-year sentences.

EU Threatens To Toss Great Britain Out Of The EU If It Has Not Packed Up Its Bags And Left By Tuesday

Or at the very least handed in its official resignation thingy by then, that is.

President

The unelected President of the European Parlament, Dingsda (what’s his name) is mad as hell at this Brexit Scheiß (crap) and isn’t going to take it anymore. After Great Britain’s sovereign decision to leave the EU last week he now demands that Great Britain leave the EU. If it does not do so immediately, he says, the EU will have no other choice but to toss Great Britain out of the EU. This is of course something that none of us want to do, he added, except for maybe Great Britain, that is, but believe you me we will do so anyway if we are forced to. Honest. So watch out already we mean business.

Der Präsident des Europaparlaments, Martin Schulz, sagte der “Bild am Sonntag”, der Gipfel am kommenden Dienstag sei hierfür der geeignete Zeitpunkt.