Tag Archives: Humor

Of Rabbits and Women

June 16, 2010 By in Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I knew Germans were a nervous bunch and all, but geez. A German teacher has accused one of her German schoolgirl high schools pupils, as in before court, of drawing rabbits on the blackboard and telling fellow pupils that she (the teacher) was afraid of rabbits and would flip out just seeing one.

The teacher denied this, of course, then flipped out anyway and hasn’t been back to work since.

It’s about the principle of it all or something. Or was it the principal?

Die Deutsch- und Erdkundelehrerin hatte bereits 2008 eine andere Schülerin wegen der gleichen Sache verklagt.

Athletes are dumb

June 15, 2010 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, History Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

We knew that already, right? But sports commentators can be pretty dumb too, you know.

Nobody knows what this lady was thinking when she said it, least of all herself I’m sure, but after Germany’s Miroslav Klose shot this beautiful goal against Australia the other night (and ended a long dry spell everybody had been ragging him about), she said “That’s a real inner Reichsparteitag (Nuremberg Rally) for Miroslav Klose, that he scores a goal like that here today.”

Huh? That’s a new one for me – although it’s clearly not a new one for a bunch of other folks around here. Dict.cc just told me that it’s an idiom meaning “a feeling of deep satisfaction over the outcome of something.” Oh. That makes it, uh, better, I guess.

“Es war eine sprachliche Entgleisung im Eifer der Halbzeitpause.”

Germans can’t hear own screaming

June 14, 2010 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

For cryin’ out loud. German Fußball viewers everywhere were mad as hell at all that obnoxious vuvuzela noise drowning out their own even more obnoxious German screaming and blowing up stuff sounds as Germany beat the vuvuzela out of Australia last night.

Television channels here even received complaints thinking the noise was due to some technical problem. Which it is, I guess. It’s technically a technology that works way too well.

“Vuvuzelas belong to South African football like battle songs belong to German games.”

Big plane

June 13, 2010 By in Hi-tech, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

But the contract with Emirates Airlines announced during the Berlin Air Show is even bigger.

No Hintergedanken (ulterior motives) here or anything, though.

Dubai’s Emirates Airline ordered 32 additional Airbus A380 superjumbo jetliners, and deliberately announced the $11.5 billion deal in Germany’s capital to fight a trade battle with flag carrier Deutsche Lufthansa AG.

Emirates, which had already ordered 58 of the world’s largest passenger plane, wants Berlin to grant it greater access to the huge German aviation market. Lufthansa argues that its home market of 80 million people shouldn’t be thrown open to a carrier from one of the United Arab Emirates. Dubai has a population of roughly 3.5 million people. Carriers from the UAE may now serve at most four German cities.

Erst 2015 sollen die Produktionskosten so weit gesenkt sein, dass der Flieger Gewinn abwirft. Im Klartext: Die meisten der 32 an Emirates verkauften Maschinen werden Airbus einen Verlust bescheren.

Remember when climate change conferences used to be exciting?

June 11, 2010 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

What happened to the all the panic, recriminations and chaos? Nobody seemed to have even noticed this last one in Bonn. This latest climate conference, I mean.

I remember when this used to be a life or death matter. Now it’s just a deathly boring one. Now we even have to find “reasons to be cheerful about climate change talks.”

Hearing that type of thing certainly cheers me up. And I just can’t wait for the next climate change conference to come around. So I won’t.

“It also remained unclear if the document would be accepted as an official negotiating text for further talks leading up to the U.N. climate summit in Cancun, Mexico, at the end of this year.”

Work, work, work…

June 10, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

While watching World Cup at work, work, work.

You got to set your priorities, I guess. And when it comes to the soccer (some say football) World Cup starting this weekend, Germans have clearly set theirs. Even the head of the national employers’ association believes his countrymen should be allowed to watch the World Cup on television at work without getting into trouble with their superiors.

This is a sensible thing to say, I think, because they’re going to be watching it one way or the other anyway.

“Watching soccer together encourages team cohesion and staff motivation.”

Unfair?

June 9, 2010 By in Higher Education Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The German education system? Hell yeah, it’s unfair. Only one in ten immigrant children ever make it the Abitur (the general qualification for university entrance).

But that’s not all that bad an average really, if you stop and think about it. Only one in three Germans ever make it that far either. Like I said, unfair.

Bei lediglich 2,9 Prozent der Studenten in Deutschland handle es sich um Ausländer, die in Deutschland Abitur gemacht haben.

Go for the Gauck

June 8, 2010 By in History Tags: , , , , , , 4 Comments

Grassroots political activism in action – again.

Not particularly interested in Christian Wulff, the presidential candidate the current ruling coalation is pushing through, German internet activists are activating the Internet for Mr. No Chance in Hell Joachim Gauck instead.

More power to ya, folks, but he’s just too impartial and unconnected and doesn’t have a chance, like I said. But hey, do the right thing. You never know. Like the German saying goes: You don’t have a chance, so use it.

“Gauck has a rich life story shaped by the Cold War. At the age of 11, his father was arrested by communist authorities and sent to the Gulag in Siberia. After the Berlin Wall fell, Gauck ran the state-run archives on the Stasi, earning recognition for exposing the crimes of the dreaded East German secret police.”

What, me worry?

June 7, 2010 By in Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , 3 Comments

When it comes to fussing and worrying, one country in Europe stands out far ahead of all the others. No, not Monaco.

It’s Germany, of course. Statistically speaking, Germans have on average 3.2 worries to worry about each and every day. The French and the Austrians are worried too, but they’ve only got 2.3 worries available.

The Swedes only have 1.1. And I bet 1.0 of those is worrying about the bottle not running out. Hardy, har, har.

„Auffällig ist dieses Jahr, dass die Zahl der Sorgen, die genannt werden, praktisch explodiert.“