Tag Archives: Humor

Saving ain’t what it used to be

October 25, 2010 By in Hard Facts, Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

In Germany, I mean. About 16 percent of the German population doesn’t have anything left over to save anymore.

But the rest who do are still pretty good at it–and they are just as conservative about their saving strategies as they have ever been. Some 49 percent of savers save using the good old-fashioned savings account, 35 percent still like the old Bausparvertrag technique (a savings contract with a home building society), 31 percent save using insurance policies and only about 22 percent go for stocks and bonds.

And that all of these numbers added up together give you a number like way higher than 100 percent only goes to show you just how good at saving these Germans really are. Damn. I wish we could do that.

“Lediglich fünf Prozent aller Sparer legen besonderen Wert darauf, dass sie die Finanzprodukte, in die sie investieren, auch vollständig verstehen.”

Export this

October 22, 2010 By in Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Tim Geitner surely meant well when he suggested that certain powerful G-20 export nations like Germany might maybe ought to want to cap their trade surpluses and deficits at 4% of GDP.  But well just isn’t good enough when dealing with the Germans (and their money).

German Economy Minister Rainer Brüderle quickly retorted however, warning against “planned economy thinking” and “macro-economic fine-tuning and quantitative target-setting,” whatever that means. “Eat me completely,” in other words.

Die Vereinigten Staaten kritisieren immer wieder den hohen Exportüberschuss von Deutschland und China.

German Bigfoot sighted

October 20, 2010 By in Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

Sort of.

A big black panther-like cat creature–let’s call it Pussyfoot–has been sited several times near Trier recently, leading local officials, among them Mayor Larry Vaughn, desperate not to lose the money that will be brought in by 4th of July tourists, to insist that Chief Brody tell everyone that the girl’s death was actually caused by a motorboat accident and not a Pussyfoot attack, because the thought of a killer black panther in Triers’s forests would drive tourists and who knows who else away for good.

A majority of scientists however, myself included, discount the existence of Pussyfoot, considering it to be a combination of folklore, misidentification and hoax-type stuff instead.
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„Wir prüfen gerade, ob und wie wir das Tier finden können.”

This hurts

October 19, 2010 By in Helplessness Tags: , , , , , , 4 Comments

To read this, I mean. It hurts from laughing too. This is the most pitiful article I’ve ever read on Spiegel Online, and that’s saying a lot–and that despite the fact that the guy at least got the title right: Obama’s Lost Magic.

Take a minute and read what informed, intelligent and sophisticated European journalists have to say when writing about Obama and the United States today. I would expect sixth graders to think this way, but… Whatever.

Now they are calling Obama a “weakling.” But that’s not fair. Naturally Barack Obama reacts in a more mature, adult way than his predecessor, George W. Bush. The problem is simply that Obama is smaller than the promise he made, and tiny in comparison to the hopes an entire nation placed on him in 2008.

Is this green enough for you?

October 17, 2010 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

“The development of renewable energy in Germany was important and correct, but everything has a price. Every consumer should know that.”

And very soon they will. Electricity users in Germany will face up to a 70 percent increase in 2011 in the eco-surcharge they pay for the extra costs of renewable energy.

It could be worse, though–and probably soon will be. The German Energy Agency (Dena) fears that a too rapid expansion of solar energy will lead to an energy grid collapse. Hey, no risk no fun.

„Die Netze stehen vor der Überlastung durch Sonnenstrom.“

Playing with numbers

October 13, 2010 By in History Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Talk about being “alarmist.” Der Spiegel wants to warn us that right-wing attitudes are suddenly on the rise again in Germany. Hmmm. Where did that come from all of a sudden? They wouldn’t be trying to ride on that obligatory anti-Sarrazin hysteria wave, now would they?

“A new study has revealed that far-right attitudes are deeply rooted in German society.” Wow, like we really needed a new study to know that.

“30 percent think that foreigners come here to take advantage of the welfare state.” Another shocking new revelation. I bet it was closer to 50 percent thirty years ago.

“More than one-tenth would like a ‘Führer‘ who would govern the country ‘with a firm hand’ for the benefit of all.”  Again, honestly, do any of you really believe that this number has ever been any lower in this country since World War II?

None of this is new, in other words. Germans have always been xenophobic and somebody’s “victim”–that’s just what they do.

So is this fear mongering? Yes. Am I being complacent? Yes. It’s because Germans have never been more strapped in to democracy than they are now–whether any of them like it or not–and although I can imagine a whole lot of things, anything even remotely resembling Nazi Germany taking place here again is definitely not one of them.

“More than 90 percent of respondents felt it was useless to become involved in politics.”