Iran paranoid about Google now too

Not unlike German fears about privacy when it comes to Google’s eerie Street-View technology – while gladly developing and using Street-View-type products of their own – Iran’s freely elected government sort of is also frightened about privacy when it comes to one of Google’s other creepy technologies: eMail (and that’s e for evil). And yeah, of course I know that Google didn’t invent eMail. But still.

The Iranian powers that be (or powers that is, if you prefer) are clearly concerned about privacy matters here; keeping their own damned privacy as private as inhumanly possible, that is. Otherwise, everybody out there knows what the hell they’re up to, get it?

So now following the German example, word is out that the Iranians are actually planning to introduce a new eMail technology of their own. It’s code name is MMail, I think (GMail war gestern). Or Mullah-Mail, if you prefer.

Es ist einer der populärsten E-Mail-Dienste in Iran – doch nun will die Regierung Googles GMail-Service offenbar sperren lassen. Laut einem Bericht des “Wall Street Journal” soll stattdessen ein eigenes Mail-System aufgebaut werden.

Iran using tricks?

Really? Who would have thought that? After all these long years, I mean.

It must have been those tricky Avatar 3D glasses that finally tipped the Germans off.

Westerwelle told Deutschlandfunk radio that Iran would be judged by its actions and not by its words, and that only a serious return to negotiations would prevent further measures such as sanctions being imposed on the Islamic Republic.

Yogi and Ingo go home!

“Two German diplomats using the fictitious names of Yogi and Ingo were arrested” in Iran, Iran state television has announced.

No, not for using fictitious names (their real names are Yogi and Boo-Boo, I guess), for having had a hand in violent and deadly anti-government protests which broke out on a Shiite Muslim holy day December 27th last month.

Germans? Germans involved in violent and deadly anti-government protests? In Iran? Go figure. They don’t even protest violently or deadly when they have revolutions here, in Germany, much less during other folks’ anti-government protests far away im Ausland (overseas).

So like send them home immediately or something, Islamic Republic of Iran. The nerve.

“No German diplomats were arrested on December 27 last year,” German foreign ministry spokesman Andreas Peschke told a Berlin news conference.

Germany’s turn?

As everybody knows, everything that “goes wrong” in Iran is a direct result of actions carried out by outside provocateurs (the United States and Britain, in other words).

But in a refreshing new turn of events, Iranian officials are now slapping around Germany for once. Germany, of all nations.

No one knows why for sure, of course, but some speculate that “The accusations followed stronger statements against Iran’s nuclear program by German officials, including Chancellor Angela Merkel, who raised the specter of new international sanctions against Iran, and an announcement on Tuesday by the Munich-based engineering giant Siemens that it would seek no new business there.”

Damn. And that’s for just raising a specter, or maybe two. What would happen if the German government ever actually “did” anything to Iran? You know, other than sell them things, I mean.

Wir waren es nicht. Yogi und Ingo sind es gewesen.

No letter of congratulations for you, buddy!

Angie Merkel sure showed this guy. Now the Mullahs-R-Us (R as in Religious, or in Regime, if you prefer – or as in both, come to think of it) are going to have to rethink this whole re-election scam of theirs. Or maybe they won’t have to, come to think of it again, but still.

Sheesh. Not even Super Ali A., the über-supreme religious leader in Iran himself, sent Ahmadinejad a congratulation note. He wouldn’t even let the little Kanalratte (sewer rat) kiss him on the hand during the inauguration ceremony. As is custom, I mean. Sure it’s a yucky custom, I’m aware of that, and I’m glad he didn’t kiss the guy too, but as Chancellor Merkel might have said; “andere Länder, andere Sitten” (when in Tehran, do as the Tehranians do), which she didn’t and which, of course, they are. Doing, I mean.

“In view of his controversial re-election, the Chancellor won’t be congratulating Ahmadinejad.”

Speaking of stealth technology…

How about some way cool NSA-like spy equipment to help Iran’s mullah regime identify, locate and crackdown on Iranian Internet users? It’s German equipment by the way, or at least in part.

Siemens calling.

Joint venture Nokia Siemens Networks installed monitoring equipment in Iran’s “Telecommunication Infrastructure Co.” government-controlled telecom network a few months back, you see. And now Iranian government spook types have switched on the technology’s full capabilities and are using it to hunt down those who would not do as they are told – that handful of nasty opposition types that won’t go away and is turning out to be more of a handful than the handful calling the shots expected.

This gives the slogan “connecting people” a whole new meaning. But don’t let this type of thing bother you, Germany (I know, it isn’t and it won’t). Business is business, especially when it’s German business. German business is always business for peace and Entspannung (easing of tension) and international understanding and all that.

It just remains to be seen how much easing of tension this easing of tension business will be easing in the coming days and weeks and, well, however long it takes to come.

„Iran hat von „Tätern“ eine ganz eigene Vorstellung – und hat angeblich mit Hilfe von Nokia Siemens Networks mittlerweile eines der weltweit ausgeklügelsten Systeme zur Kontrolle und Zensur des Internets entwickelt.“