Tag Archives: Satire

Miserable Management Booming Too

February 10, 2011 By in Hard Facts, Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

And you thought your boss was lousy And I’m sure she is.

Whopee! The German economy is booming and everything is Friede, Freude und Eierkuchen (peace, love and harmony), right? Well that’s what German managers will tell you these days. German employees appear to see the situtation a bit more differenziert (nuanced). Just ask this lady down here.

Gallop tells us that German workers are anything but highly motivated in these booming economic times in which we, or at least they, now live. Some 66 percent of those surveyed say they only do Dienst nach Vorschrift (they only work to rule, they don’t give any effort more than absolutely necessary) and have very little emotional commitment to their company. About one fifth (21 percent) of the workforce have already quit “innerly” and feel no emotional commitment to their company at all.

German bosses suck really bad, in other words.

And now you have the rest of the story.

Fast die Hälfte der Angestellten (46 Prozent), die innerlich bereits gekündigt haben, haben im vergangenen Jahr aufgrund ihres Vorgesetzten daran gedacht, ihr Unternehmen zu verlassen. Nahezu ebenso viele (45 Prozent) würden ihren Chef mit sofortiger Wirkung entlassen, wenn sie denn könnten.

The New Narrative

February 8, 2011 By in Habitudes, History, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Ever read The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable by Nassim Nicholas Taleb?

It covers a whole lot of stuff but what really interested me was his handling of history. It really struck a chord with me. History is basically a series of improbable and completely unpredictable events. There is no “flow” to it, at least not that we can recognize, we only see these periodic erruptions (kind of like earthquakes or sudden volcanic erruptions) that come out of nowhere and are therefore unforseeable.

What we then do, however (we are human and simply demand an explanation), is quickly assign them meaning, a new narrative in the broader narrative we had made up before. We don’t have an explanation but we pretend that we do. And THEN, strangest of all, we quickly delude ourselves into thinking that the given event was actually predictable, that the people who lived through it somehow knew it was going to happen, or should have.

Think 9/11, the fall of the Berlin Wall, Hitler, World War I, etc. Get the “flow” now?

Anyway, when it comes to Egypt, we’ve already passed the narrative stage and Egypt isn’t finished being Egypt yet.

Suddenly it seems everyone knew all along that President Mubarak was a villain and the US, who supported him until recently, was even worse.

Mubarak taken ill

February 7, 2011 By in Helplessness Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

The very thought of flying off to a luxury health clinic in Germany for a “prolonged health check” makes him sick to his stomach.

Although perhaps an elegant face-saving way for him to leave Egypt and maybe maintain relative order there for a longer transition (should he resign immediately, according to the Egyptian constitution, new elections would have to be held within 60 days), Mubarak cringes at the thought of the all too thorough and prolonged examinations German doctors will put him through once they get hold of him. When you’re a private patient like him over here, they really go hog wild too. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told.

Das Thema habe demnach auch bei den Gesprächen von Bundeskanzlerin Angela Merkel mit US-Außenministerin Hillary Clinton am Wochenende in München keine Rolle gespielt.

Talk about being frauenfeindlich

February 4, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus Tags: , , , , , , , 4 Comments

You know, anti-women? First Angela Merkel rejects quotas for women in senior management positions as suggested by her lady politician buddy Labor Minister Ursula von der Leyen (funny how women always have to bicker around with each other like that). Then the state of Hesse prohibits burqas at work for public employees.

Of course rumor has it that the burqa lady (or her master and commander religious husband who calls all the shots) may have only threatened to have her wear the thing to finagle a severance package from her employer bacause “it refuses to allow employees to come to work with completely enshrouded bodies,” for some strange reason, but that’s just a rumor, like I said. Religious folks wouldn’t behave that way.

“Civil service employees and those who come into contact with citizens should not be veiled.”

Counter-Culture Club Closed

February 3, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, History Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

You can squat, but you can’t hide.

Not for more than twenty years or so, I mean. Time moves differently in Berlin.

The house in the former East Berlin was occupied as Germany was reunited in 1990. Residents were given rental contracts at one stage but those were later terminated when private investors bought the building.

Dumb Americans buying big cars again

February 2, 2011 By in Heconomy, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

But some of them aren’t all that dumb because they are the ones buying the big German ones. That’s the essence of the article anyway.

Inexplicable, really. German intellectuals everywhere are aghast at the United States failing to do what it is supposed to do yet again. Despite Der Spiegel‘s recent pronouncemnt of the end of US-Amerika as we know it (in black and white and color too), US-Amerikaner are suddenly buying big fat politically correct automobiles as if there were no tomorrow.

Or maybe that is the explanation. Perhaps this is our last collective gasp as a nation before the whole culture (excuse me, I meant lack of culture) implodes with a tremendous groan and rolls over to die, I dunno, in Nevada or someplace. Everybody must sense instinctively that this will be our last chance to drive off into the sunset of our American oblivion in our monstrous ‘merican automobiles in hyper-heroic, High Noon style.

Or maybe… Maybe the experts at Der Spiegel (and experts in general) are just too stupid to poor piss out of a boot.

Der Autoabsatz in den USA boomt.

It’s official now

February 1, 2011 By in Helplessness Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

When it gets to the point where even 24 German beauty queen types notice that there’s something going on in Egypt and flee the country in haste, some even without make-up (they had been preparing for the “Miss Germany 2011” pageant down there), then there’s definitely something going on in Egypt.

The German Foreign Office wasn’t much quicker in noticing either, by the way. They didn’t start issuing real travel warnings until yesterday.

„Nachdem aber alle wesentlichen Fotoshootings und Aktionen im Kasten sind, haben wir uns vorsorglich zur frühen Rückreise entschieden.“

The German 80 percent rule

January 31, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

You know, like the 80 percent of all Germans (at least) who love Obama no matter what he does or does not do.

Or how about the 80 percent of all Germans who are fervent pacifists and yet clearly have no problem with their country being the world’s third largest weapons exporter (NOBODY cares here, honest)?

But this one really kills me, and it’s quite a surprise. It turns out that 80 percent of all German Auswanderer (emigrants) who demonstratively leave their homeland forever (well they do on the numerous TV shows that document their adventures) toss in the towel after a bit and come back home to Deutschland again.

I guess once you go red, gold, black (the German flag), you never go back.

Deutsche entpuppen sich als “Ich bin nur kurz weg”-Auswanderer