But This Isn’t Supposed To Happen

Germans don’t like electric cars. So nobody else is supposed to like them, either.

Tesla

The customers are supposed to buy, you know, German diesel automobiles, for instance.

And now this. Tesla was dead. Everybody read about it. At least over here in Germany, they did. Again and again. And they liked what they read, too. But now, Tesla’s Model 3 appears to be a big hit in US-Amerika. And Tesla’s moving on to China. And this wasn’t supposed to happen. This is very upsetting for the German automobile industry. Very upsetting indeed. Now German automobile industrialists are on the defensive and will have to play catch-up and start pushing electric car production even harder even though they’re already printing mountains of money with their old technology now and why the hell would anybody want to buy a freakin’ stupid electric car like that anyway?

TESLA-BOSS SCHOCKIERT DIE KONKURRENZ MIT REKORD – Krisenkarre Model 3 plötzlich Bestseller.

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Car No Longer Manufactured Since 2003 Will No Longer Be Manufactured Again Next Year

Feature

The compact Beetle was introduced in Germany in 1938 during the Nazi era before becoming a symbol of Germany’s rebirth as a democratic, industrial powerhouse after the second World War.

It came to the US 11 years later, where it became a symbol of utilitarian transport for the postwar baby boom generation – often used by hippies.

The famous car sold for about 30 years before US sales stopped in 1979, through production continued continued production for Mexico and Latin America. The last of the original bugs was produced in Puebla, Mexico, in 2003.

VW Käfer wird bereits seit 2003 nicht mehr hergestellt.

Robust Export Growth?

German exports rebounded in May, providing more evidence of a strengthening of the economy in the second quarter.

Export

Yeah, I guess that’s true. If you forget the exports last month to one particular country. Those have dropped 10% for some inexplicable reason. But I’m sure that will pick up again real soon, right?

Despite ongoing trade tensions, German exports did what they normally do: grow. In May exports increased by 1.8% MoM, from -0.3% in April. At the same time, imports increased by 0.7% MoM, from 2.6% MoM in April. As a result, the trade surplus narrowed somewhat, from EUR20.1bn to EUR19.7bn.

“Die Verunsicherung durch die Einführung von Importzöllen seitens der USA und die Gegenmaßnahmen der EU und Chinas machen sich direkt bei den Unternehmen bemerkbar.”

War Is Over! (f You Want It)

What? That was it? No more trade war hysteria? Just when it was starting to get interesting? What Luschen (duds).

EU

The Wall Street Journal reported that Richard Grenell, the U.S. ambassador to Germany, has been in talks recently with the chief executives of German car makers BMW, Volkswagen and Daimler, where they pitched the idea of ending car tariffs between the U.S. and the EU.

During these talks, the executives said they would be in favor of scrapping these levies as part of a broader deal encompassing industrial goods, the Journal said.

“Germany has the right approach to resolving this trade disagreement among friends.”

That’s Not Fair

Why couldn’t German tanks take part in the competition?

Oh, I forgot. They’re all broken.

The idea of green U.S. Army M1 Abrams tanks with big white stars on their sides, huge American flags flying on top, and art on the hull depicting a turtle wearing a World War II-era tanker uniform, running over a pile of cars sounds like something straight out of a 1980s arcade game. But its actually a real scene from the annual Strong Europe Tank Challenge at the service’s 7th Army Training Command’s Grafenwoehr Training Area in Germany.

Only 41?

Germans waste 41 hours a year searching for parking.

Porsche

But then you have to add the 37 hours a year fighting with the other German over the parking space and the 23 hours a year you’ll spend trying to fit into the damned thing (parking spaces are narrow here, you see).

Frankfurt ranked as the worst city in Germany to find parking. On average, drivers in Frankfurt spend 65 hours a year searching for a space, costing them €1,410 each in wasted time, fuel and emissions and the city as a whole €702 million. Essen came second in the ranking (64 hours – €490m), followed by Berlin in third (62 hours – €1.8bn).

PS: At least owners of the Porsche Cayenne won’t be having that problem now anymore.

Germany Not To Reach Its E-Car Goal

Nope. Sadly, chancellor Angela Merkel has just announced that Germany will not be able to reach its goal of having at least 20 e-cars on German roads by the year 2020.

E-Car

This extremely ambitious goal, mocked from the start by gas-guzzling German automobile experts everywhere (some 97 percent of the German population), has now been scrapped for a more realistic goal of a nice round non-dirty dozen.

Chancellor Angela Merkel said that Germany will likely miss the government’s target of bringing one million electric cars onto the roads by the end of the decade. The sale of electric vehicles (EVs) has remained sluggish in Germany despite discounts introduced last year and granted to buyers of green cars. In 2016, there were less than 80,000 electric cars on German roads. Experts say German consumers remain reluctant to buy EVs because of relatively high prices, limited driving range and restrictions due to the low number of charging stations.

Merkel: Ziel für E-Autos nicht zu schaffen.

Peugeopel

That rolls right off your tongue, doesn’t it?

Opel

GM gets rescued by the American government (government is a code word for taxpayer, by the way), Opel gets rescued by the German government and Peugeot gets rescued by the French government. Is there a pattern developing here or something? Now GM is going to rescue itself out of Europe and dump its Opel on Peugeot, making it a Peugeopel. But who the hell would want to rescue one of those?

General Motors is in advanced talks to sell its European Opel subsidiary to France’s PSA Peugeot Citroen, Handelsblatt confirmed after Reuters broke the story. A Peugeot spokesperson told Handelsblatt that the two are in discussions “over the purchase of Opel.” A deal “could be announced within days,” sources told Reuters.

Seit Jahren versucht General Motors vergeblich, seine Marke Opel zu sanieren. Nun steht offenbar ein Verkauf an den französischen Konkurrenten Peugeot an.

Germany To Receive Electroshock Therapy

In another electrifying example of tax dollar waste (or in this case tax euro waste), Angela Merkel’s government has just made a deal with automakers to spend some 1.2 billion euros on incentives to boost sluggish electric car sales in Germany.

Electroshock

“The goal is to move forward as quickly as possible on electric vehicles,” one high-ranking government official said while attaching the electrodes to the German nation’s sweaty forehead. “With this, we are giving an impetus.”

And if that first shock doesn’t work, who cares? This is renewable energy they’re using here, folks.

Just over 30,000 electric vehicles, which are more expensive than conventional models, have been sold in Germany. That’s a tiny fraction of the more than 3 million cars bought each year in a country which has historically leaned on diesel technology to reduce carbon-dioxide emissions.

A Secret German Laboratory?

An “underground” research facility run by an elite staff of sinister scientist specialist types? Right here in the heart of Berlin?

Apple

Damn. Sounds pretty creepy to me. And I think I even saw that one once, too. Didn’t you? Wasn’t that the one with Michael Caine in it?

Apple could be developing the Apple Car in a secret Berlin lab, according to a report from Frankfurter Allgemeine. The German publication said on Monday that it had “learned from informed sources that Apple is running a secret laboratory for the development of an automobile — and this in the middle of Berlin.”

Wie deutsch wird das Apple-Auto? Eine Denkfabrik aus 20 Branchenexperten soll in Berlin an einem Geschäftsmodell für das iCar arbeiten. Die Pläne sind angeblich schon sehr konkret.