Author Archives: Hermann Observer

New Angst Study Producing More New Angst

September 9, 2011 By in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

A new study from the R+V Insurance Company (hmmm, an insurance company) indicates that Germans have a whole new list of things to scare the Hosen off them that they didn’t have last year. Is there a pattern developing here or something?

Some of this year’s top favorites (so far) are ecological catastrophes (a perennial hit), the “super worst case scenario” that took place after the earthquake in Japan, the so-called EHEC scandal (go organic sprouts!) and those bloody and yucky revolts still going on down there in the Arabian World.

But what really scares them most is, well, their money. Or the thought of losing it, I should say. Along with their fear of rising energy costs (hmmm, where might those rising energy costs be coming from?), over 70 percent of Germans asked are scared to death of the imminent bankruptcy of a few of them there EU countries down south which will cost the German taxpayer dearly.

Hey. No angst, no fun.

70 Prozent der Deutschen befürchten, dass die drohende Pleite einiger EU-Länder den deutschen Steuerzahler teuer zu stehen kommt – keine Angst erreichte 2011 höhere Werte.

Nix Beer Bikes Mehr?

September 8, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Munich and Düsseldorf have clearly overstepped their legal boundries by placing a ban on beer bikes on the grounds that they are obnoxious, which they are, and is the point, but still.

According to Article 1 of the 1968 Vienna Convention on Road Traffic drafted by the United Nations, a bike or cycle is “any vehicle which has at least two wheels and is propelled solely by the muscular energy of the persons on that vehicle, in particular by means of pedals or handcranks.” And there’s not a word in there about beer, is there? So what’s the deal?

“The world is calling for the abolition of these pedalling village idiots.”

Pluralis Majestatis

September 7, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Assange HIMSELF just spoke in Berlin (at the Consumer Electronics Unlimited, or IFA), sort of.

Although why he would be asked to speak (via satellite) at an electronics fair is unclear to me, unless it’s to show off that snappy new electronic ankle monitor he is wearing.

But seriously folks, even über popstars (popüberstars?) who speak in the majestic plural while being held under house arrest for, uh, something, I forget (we all do), can contribute greatly to our über pop culture in an über dimensional way, I guess. One just has to be über enough.

And he is, I’m told, and this was it (his über contribution): “We present the truth to the public. We must know how the world functions. We must be clever and brave enough (brave new world enough?) to uncover conspiracies.”

And we must be ready and willing to irresponsibly endanger the lives of other people just to feed our way gone out of control egos for our own sake, ahmen, because we are, after all, nothing but a bunch of insufferable assholes.

“Dass sie ihn wie einen Popstar behandeln, nervt.”

Two Speeds for Saving Europe: Slow and Slower

September 6, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Breaking up is hard to do. But it’s about freakin’ time already, don’t you think?

Now that it is becoming clearer and clearer that the euro crisis is not going to get fixed with the institutions at hand and the will that isn’t, Chancellor Merkel HERSELF has finally had enough and appears ready to do the one thing that will finally make everyone out there happy: Create new institutions and a “two-speed Europe” that won’t work either, but still.

What this means is, uh, I’m not sure really (can someone out there please explain this plan to me?), but I think it means creating something called a “core Europe” (the countries that haven’t filed for bankruptcy yet) run by Germany and then a “rotten to the core Europe” (all the other loser countries that nobody wants anymore) run by nobody. I mean, running on empty.

This won’t really solve anything, of course, but it’s an elegant European way of tossing in the towel and passing the buck on to someone else, in this case someone with absolutely no accountability who nobody out there has ever even heard of before: European Council President Herman Van Rompuy.

Are we having late Roman decadence yet? This divide and conquer stuff, I mean divide and save, makes me wonder sometime.

Van Rompuy doesn’t seek the limelight and enjoys writing haikus about nature in his free time.

Where was WikiLeaks here?

September 5, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

When you need them (not), I mean. German spies working with Gadaffi?

A former senior German official has said that his country’s intelligence services had cooperated with Muammar Gaddafi’s spy network for several years.

“It revolved mainly around information about the fight against terrorism and therefore Germany’s security interests,” said Bernd Schmidbauer, former coordinator of the German secret services.

Oh. Well, then that’s OK, I guess. Carry on or something.

However, he stressed that Germany did not carry out joint operations with the Libyan spies, as the British and American intelligence services appear to have done.

 

Throw that first stone!

September 4, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

And kick him when he’s down, Germany. Our Guido. I mean, your Guido.

He really screwed up with Libya, didn’t he? But Josef Joffe from Die Zeit makes a few points y’all seem to have forgotten about:

“Those who are kicking away at Guido W. now have forgotten three things. First of all, that he exercised the will of the government in the Security Counsel (with the abstention), also that of the Chancellor. Secondly, he articulated the will of the people as reflected in the polls taken. According to a Stern survey taken on March 16, practically the entire German population – 88 percent! – was against a German military operation; a third did not even want a flying ban. So whoever appreciated the government’s ‘preemptive obedience’ regarding the nuclear phase-out ought not to judge so harshly when it comes to populism in foreign policy.

After two lost world wars the German loves the thought of getting involved in another one about as much as the twice-burned child. That explains, thirdly, why SPD caucus leader Steinmeier saw the Security Councel vote as ‘understandible and reasonable.’ That’s why SPD party leader Gabriel could ‘understand’ Westerwelle (Green Trittin could too, but that isn’t mentioned here). Of course politicians can, must, change their minds, but this damned Internet never forgets anything.”

I guess 88 percent of the Germans who were behind Westerwelle a month ago have suffered 100 percent memory loss now. But believe me folks, Germans are always 88 percent behind/against everything (and the memory loss always plays an important role here). That’s just what they do. And in the US? I don’t think you could get 88 percent of the population to agree on getting free beer for life.

Valide waren auch Westerwelles Argumente. Er hat aber trotzdem gesündigt, indem er so geredet hat, wie Regierung und Opposition dachten und das Volk fühlte. Das verzeihen wir ihm nicht.

Pacifism Pays

September 2, 2011 By in Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

It appears that Germany took a more active part in the Libyan uprising than believed.

Tons and tons of high-powered German assault rifles have been rescued by Libyan rebels from Muammar Gaddafi’s arsenals, weapons that “weren’t supposed to be there” (funny how German weapons always turn up where they are not supposed to be).

“The German government does not know how weapons of this type could have possibly ended up in Libya.” So they are not really there, in other words. The German government has the German weapons industry (shhh, not so loud) completely under control, you see. Right? Ja oder nein? Good. No abstentions here.

Geez. Haven’t them there crazy Libyans ever heard of gun control or nothin’?

A New Currency Order

September 1, 2011 By in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Are we having a Reichseuro yet?

“Conceived as a tool for integrating Germany into Europe, and preventing Germans from dominating others, it (the euro) has become the opposite.”

Germany’s neighbors and allies are growing increasingly concerned about Berlin’s foreign policy direction. Some even fear that efforts to export its fiscal ideas could mean the prosperous country has lost sight of the European idea. Or worse yet, that it wants to dominate the currency union.

You will save until it hurts, I tell you! Sign ze papers old man!

Speaking of taxes…

August 31, 2011 By in Habitudes, Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

We have now reached the point where folks volunteer, plead to be taxed.

A group of 50 rich Germans has joined the ”tax me harder” movement by renewing their open call to Angela Merkel to ”stop the gap between rich and poor getting even bigger.”

Sure, these particular folks have money to burn. Unfortunately, the taxation never stops with them and does absolutely nothing to fill this “gap” they pretend to worry about. How does giving your money-to-burn to the state so it can burn it for you change anything?

”None of us are in Buffett’s or Bettencourt’s league, most of our wealth is inherited. But we have more money than we need.”

“Imagine that a genie magically appeared and offered to grant you one wish – and, being a decent sort, you wished that everyone’s income would be doubled. That could bring down on you the wrath of the political left, because it would mean that the gap between the rich and the poor had widened. That is basically their complaint against the American economy.”