Category Archives: History

Mardi Gras is a little early this year

November 8, 2010 By in History, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

The Jecken (carnival revelers) are out en masse in Gorleben again.

Much like the famous Karneval celebrations in Cologne and other German cities held in February, the jolly and popular annual German Gorleben Riot Ritual, held in November, is an ancient Teutonic tradition (going back some 33 years now) in which large numbers of Green and mean-spirited anarchists protest against nuclear energy in general and the still quite vague government plans for nuclear waste disposal in particular at a charming little hole-in-the-wall interim storage facility located in a quaint little piece of Zauberwald (magic forest) in which all participants reach their collective climax simultaneously once the transport of “Castor” dry cask containers by rail through northern France and Germany, well, reaches its climax too–and everything gets Molotov cocktailed big time.

“Karneval? Sich albern verkleiden, laut rumgrölen und anderen auf den Sack gehen.” 

Playing with numbers

October 13, 2010 By in History Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Talk about being “alarmist.” Der Spiegel wants to warn us that right-wing attitudes are suddenly on the rise again in Germany. Hmmm. Where did that come from all of a sudden? They wouldn’t be trying to ride on that obligatory anti-Sarrazin hysteria wave, now would they?

“A new study has revealed that far-right attitudes are deeply rooted in German society.” Wow, like we really needed a new study to know that.

“30 percent think that foreigners come here to take advantage of the welfare state.” Another shocking new revelation. I bet it was closer to 50 percent thirty years ago.

“More than one-tenth would like a ‘Führer‘ who would govern the country ‘with a firm hand’ for the benefit of all.”  Again, honestly, do any of you really believe that this number has ever been any lower in this country since World War II?

None of this is new, in other words. Germans have always been xenophobic and somebody’s “victim”–that’s just what they do.

So is this fear mongering? Yes. Am I being complacent? Yes. It’s because Germans have never been more strapped in to democracy than they are now–whether any of them like it or not–and although I can imagine a whole lot of things, anything even remotely resembling Nazi Germany taking place here again is definitely not one of them.

“More than 90 percent of respondents felt it was useless to become involved in politics.”

Anybody out there remember Clay Headquarters in Berlin?

September 24, 2010 By in History Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

I didn’t think so.

But in case you do, it’s up for sale now. I’m sure it’s a steal. They can’t tear it down (it’s basically an Adolf bunker), so make them an offer they can’t refuse.

PS: You may be familiar with it after all, whether you actually remember it or not. Parts of “Inglourious Basterds” and “Valkyrie” were shot there.

Jubiläumswiesnbier?

September 15, 2010 By in Habitudes, History, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Go ahead. Say that ten times really fast.

My oh my, it seems just like yesterday that the Oktoberfest began. 200 years ago, I mean.

And to honor this hallowed event, and to be able to charge even more than usual for the stuff, six rival Bavarian breweries are calling a beer truce to brew a speciel brew in beer-heavenly peace and love and justice together forever amen; that there Jubiläumswiesnbier thing mentioned up there.

The top-secret recipe being used will produce an “amber-colored special beer full-bodied in taste with a flowery malt aroma” and a beer, with an alcohol content of 6 percent, that’ll also knock your Ding in the dirt. But it’s all in the name of tradition, people, OK? Like, it took 200 years to get here, you know?

Even though the Oktoberfest tradition is 200 years old this year, the festival is only being held for the 177th time because it was cancelled on 24 occasions in times of war and during two cholera outbreaks in the 19th century.

Fake fakes not the original fakes

September 12, 2010 By in High Art, History Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Konrad Kujau is the only original in this story, folks. Remember him? He’s the forger who authored those hilarious Hitler Diaries way back when. You know, the ones with the wrong initials on the cover?

Anyway, a woman in Dresden claiming to be his great niece has topped him, sort of, by having been given a two-year suspended sentence for forging his (the forger’s) signature on forgeries of masterpieces that weren’t forged by him (they were Asian import forgeries) and then selling them for the genuine amount of €300,000.

Though clearly marked as fakes, Kujau’s newfound fame meant that people were willing to pay up to €3,500 for his work.

Well we sure showed him!

September 3, 2010 By in History Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

It took 65 years, but better late than never I guess. The city of Trier has now officially revoked Adolf Hitler’s status as honorary citizen.

Believe it or not, some 4000 German cities gave the dictator honorary citizenship between 1933 and 1945. I believe it. How many gave him honorary citizenship after 1945 is unclear.

So let this be a lesson to all you despotic would-be world conquerors out there who would despotically conquer the world; Trier will eventually revoke your status too. So like don’t even try.
 
Ein historisches Votum zwischen Beschlüssen zur neuen Parkgebühren-Ordnung und zur Generalsanierung einer Berufsschule.

Shooting yourself in the foot 101

August 31, 2010 By in Habitudes, History Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

It’s become a well-loved custom here, Germany politicians making complete fools of themselves by using completely unnecessary Nazi comparisons and/or terminology that every German third grader knows not to use.

This time it’s the SPD’s Matthias Platzeck (the SPD is really on a role these days) who used the term “annexation” when referring to German reunification, the same word that was used to describe the Nazi takeover of Austria in World War II. Platzeck is from the mystical German East, by the way.

Now everybody’s upset and stuff. Dumb a#!*´s.

“I don’t know what there is to celebrate.”