Category Archives: History

Jubiläumswiesnbier?

September 15, 2010 By in Habitudes, History, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Go ahead. Say that ten times really fast.

My oh my, it seems just like yesterday that the Oktoberfest began. 200 years ago, I mean.

And to honor this hallowed event, and to be able to charge even more than usual for the stuff, six rival Bavarian breweries are calling a beer truce to brew a speciel brew in beer-heavenly peace and love and justice together forever amen; that there Jubiläumswiesnbier thing mentioned up there.

The top-secret recipe being used will produce an “amber-colored special beer full-bodied in taste with a flowery malt aroma” and a beer, with an alcohol content of 6 percent, that’ll also knock your Ding in the dirt. But it’s all in the name of tradition, people, OK? Like, it took 200 years to get here, you know?

Even though the Oktoberfest tradition is 200 years old this year, the festival is only being held for the 177th time because it was cancelled on 24 occasions in times of war and during two cholera outbreaks in the 19th century.

Fake fakes not the original fakes

September 12, 2010 By in High Art, History Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Konrad Kujau is the only original in this story, folks. Remember him? He’s the forger who authored those hilarious Hitler Diaries way back when. You know, the ones with the wrong initials on the cover?

Anyway, a woman in Dresden claiming to be his great niece has topped him, sort of, by having been given a two-year suspended sentence for forging his (the forger’s) signature on forgeries of masterpieces that weren’t forged by him (they were Asian import forgeries) and then selling them for the genuine amount of €300,000.

Though clearly marked as fakes, Kujau’s newfound fame meant that people were willing to pay up to €3,500 for his work.

Well we sure showed him!

September 3, 2010 By in History Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

It took 65 years, but better late than never I guess. The city of Trier has now officially revoked Adolf Hitler’s status as honorary citizen.

Believe it or not, some 4000 German cities gave the dictator honorary citizenship between 1933 and 1945. I believe it. How many gave him honorary citizenship after 1945 is unclear.

So let this be a lesson to all you despotic would-be world conquerors out there who would despotically conquer the world; Trier will eventually revoke your status too. So like don’t even try.
 
Ein historisches Votum zwischen Beschlüssen zur neuen Parkgebühren-Ordnung und zur Generalsanierung einer Berufsschule.

Shooting yourself in the foot 101

August 31, 2010 By in Habitudes, History Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

It’s become a well-loved custom here, Germany politicians making complete fools of themselves by using completely unnecessary Nazi comparisons and/or terminology that every German third grader knows not to use.

This time it’s the SPD’s Matthias Platzeck (the SPD is really on a role these days) who used the term “annexation” when referring to German reunification, the same word that was used to describe the Nazi takeover of Austria in World War II. Platzeck is from the mystical German East, by the way.

Now everybody’s upset and stuff. Dumb a#!*´s.

“I don’t know what there is to celebrate.”

This gives German unification a whole new meaning

August 30, 2010 By in Habitudes, History, Hotness Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

There’s new research out or something. In a nutshell, it’s let’s talk about sex again. And talk and talk and talk…

“After forty years of separately developed approaches to sexuality, reunified Germans struggled to establish a working moral consensus, a sexual code for the new Germany.”

Huh? If you have to struggle at it, what’s the fun? Whatever.

“We really don’t have more orgasms in the GDR. Not me, anyway, because I have to work up to 12 hours a day and that doesn’t leave much time for love.”

Before and after

August 29, 2010 By in History, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Same newspaper, same issue, same photographer. Only this story…

is about the ultra-conservative religious and rassist Tea Party wacko right attacking our (as in Germany’s) President Obama himself.

And this one…

meanders around a bit before coming to the stunning conclusion that this grass-roots conservative movement is much more diverse and multilayered (and larger) than European observers have perceived it to be up until now.

Funny how newspapers can be like that, online or not. Maybe it was a slow news day. But was that second article absolutely necessary? That kind of stuff only confuses folks once they’ve read the first article, well, first.

Die gibt es natürlich darunter, doch das konservative Sammelbecken ist vielschichtiger als man in Europa bisweilen wahrnimmt.

50 years?

August 17, 2010 By in High Art, History Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

It was 50 years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play (whoever he was). In Hamburg, of all places.

50 years? Wasn’t it more like 500 years ago? Was that really the same planet?

“Incredible though it may seem, today it will be 50 years ago to the day since the band played the first of what, during the course of five separate visits over the next two and a half years, would be 281 concerts in Hamburg.”

“Their work rate was phenomenal – at one point in 1961 they played for 98 nights in succession, frequently starting at 7pm and going through until 7am. They learnt how to survive on their wits, their flair for improvisation, their innate cockiness – and on a steady stream of uppers.”

Volunteers of America, OK

August 13, 2010 By in Helplessness, History Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

But volunteers of Germany? Good luck.

German Defense Minister Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg is moving ahead with reform plans to reduce the Bundeswehr to 165,000 soldiers, effectively turning it into a volunteer army.

This is a controversial move in Germany because, well, every move in Germany is a controversial move. OK, OK. At least the ones that have to do with the military are.

But like who cares? It’s not as if this new professional German army is ever going to be used for military purposes either. Not unless everybody volunteers to, that is. And how likely is that?

Künftig sollen nur noch freiwillige Rekruten eingezogen werden: Die Planer rechnen mit 7500 Freiwilligen pro Jahr.

German rapid response team closes down 9/11 mosque

August 9, 2010 By in Habitudes, History Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Well that’s a relatively rapid response by German standards if you ask me, OK?

That’s right, this is the same mosque which was frequented by the the suicide hijackers from the September 11, 2001, terror attacks. And now, some ten years later, after what appears to have been some very, very thorough deliberation indeed, Hamburg authorities have determined that the guys running this place might pose a threat to society – and have shut their puppy down.

Germans are known for their thoroughness, get it?

“Recent events have again shown that instructional courses, sermons and seminars held by the organization and texts published on its website are not only aimed against constitutional regularity, but also seek to radicalize their listeners and readers,” the town statement said.

This blame game is lame

August 1, 2010 By in Habeas Corpus, History, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

What a shame.

Ever wonder about blame? About the need to find someone or something to blame for tragic incidents that just plain happen in what some might claim to be an indifferent world?

Finding blame is very important in Germany for some inexplicable reason (not all that inexplicable really, if you stop and think about it for a bit). It’s not a terribly productive process, however. Especially when the individual being sought out for blame this time can in no way be held responsible for the awful thing that happened.

Like I said, what a shame, whoever or whatever to blame or not. As one Stoic philosopher has written:

“Small-minded people habitually reproach others for their own misfortunes. Average people reproach themselves. Those who are dedicated to a life of wisdom understand that the impulse to blame something or someone is foolishness, that there is nothing to be gained in blaming, whether it be others or oneself.”

But hey, impulse is impulse and this impulse is pulsing quiet strongly in Germany right now.

Maybe they ought to do it like the old Israelites did and symbolically load up a goat (or a wild boar in this case?) with these particular sins and let him loose in the German wilderness for atonement. Oh, you’re right. They already are. Sort of.

Now he is a pariah, holed up in his office and protected day and night by the police. Mr. Sauerland no longer sleeps at home; he has received several death threats and members of his family members, fearing for their safety, have left town.