Thank Goodness Email Made In Germany Is Safe

Safe from those awful NSA criminals over there in US-Amerika, I mean. Remember the recent “Boom Triggered By NSA: German Email Services Report Surge in Demand” hype?


Well now it turns out that evil data criminals have somehow managed to steal some 18 million email accounts, with passwords, across the board, from all the major German Internet providers. And these guys weren’t even working for the NSA, people!

You just can’t trust any kind of Internet criminal these days, I guess.

Die Staatsanwaltschaft Verden ist auf einen Datensatz von 18 Millionen E-Mail-Adressen samt Passwörtern gestoßen. Betroffen sind alle großen deutschen Provider.

How Secure Is “Email Made In Germany?”

“Boom Triggered By NSA: German Email Services Report Surge in Demand”


But just how secure is email made in Germany? Way Secure.

Email made in Germany is double-triple-quadruple encrypted. And then it gets double-triple-quadruple encrypted again.

Email made in Germany is so secure that an email made in Germany warns you when you try to send it to someone the email made in Germany hasn’t been introduced to yet.

Secure? Why email made in Germany never leaves local servers, thus ensuring that the email made in Germany stays right here in Germany where it belongs verdammt noch mal (dadgummit)!

We’re talking secure here, people. Email made in Germany is so secure that when we say it never leaves local servers we mean it never leaves local servers. Ever. It never even gets delivered at all.

“I would strongly recommend against anyone trusting their private data to a company with physical ties to the United States.”

When the Bundestag isn’t being shut down due to power failure

Unintentional spam attacks from Bundestag employees can take their toll, too.

You’ve all seen this happen, I’m sure. Somebody on a huge distribution list receives an internal email and accidently responds to everyone (instead of just to the person who sent it). Dozens if not hundreds of the recipients who then get that person’s response feel the desperate need to respond to that in some smart ass way (to everyone here, too) and on and one it goes, for hours on end, until a systems administrator finally loses his/her patience and pulls out the plug.

Well, that happened today in the halls of German government. Just your normal everyday dumb office behavior kind of thing again. Or was it maybe a diabolical terrorist attack doch?

“Liebe Britta, wenn Ihr Euch eindeckt, bringt Ihr mir eins mit? Danke und herzliche Grüße.”