A German National Soccer Team With Only Germans On It?

Ouch. What a frightening thought. If you’re the German national soccer team coach, I mean.

Football

Uhm, I’m no Fußball aficionado or anything but is there such a thing as a Zweite Liga (second division) when it comes to national teams?

A German right-wing politician who caused outrage by racially disparaging footballer Jerome Boateng followed up Friday by saying the national team is “no longer … German in the classical sense”.

Alexander Gauland, of the Alternative for Germany (AFD) party, also questioned the loyalty of German-born international Mesut Ozil, who is of Turkish origin, for making the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca.

“Die Nationalmannschaft ist schon lange nicht mehr deutsch.”

Crime Does Not Pay TV

Uli Hoeness hasn’t yet begun his three-and-a-half year jail sentence for seven cases of tax evasion (his lawyers are appealing the decision) but when he does, it’s going to be absolute hell.

Uli

The JVA Landsberg prison he will most likely be doing time in does not allow cell phones and prisoners have to buy their own TVs! But even more cruel and unusual here is that they don’t allow prisoners to have satellite pay TV receivers. Watching Fußball on Sky just ain’t going to be happening, Uli.

By the way, this is where Hitler wrote Mein Kampf and he didn’t have a satellite receiver, either. I think I’m going to be keeping my eyes on this one.

Das bedeutet unter anderem, dass den Häftlingen kein Fernseher gestellt wird. „Sie müssen sich selber einen Fernseher kaufen und können damit dann die üblichen Kabel-Programme empfangen“, sagt Eichinger. Auch die Kabel-Gebühren müssen von den Häftlingen getragen werden. Da für den Bezahlsender Sky aber ein Receiver benötigt werde, könne dieser nicht empfangen werden.

Women and elephants and…

Fußball fans never forget.

“Some (Germans) have even got religious about it, praising the god of football for handing down divine justice in the form of a blatant referee error that robbed England of a crystal-clear goal on Sunday. At last, commentators say, Germany has been avenged for 1966, when England had a goal wrongly allowed in the legendary World Cup final at London’s Wembley stadium, which England won 4:2.”

It’s Selbstzerfleischung time again!

Everything goes from one extreme to the other here, that’s just what Germans do.

Selbstzerfleischung means something like self-destructive criticism and with German Fußball it goes like this: Just a few hours ago, what seemed like the entire German nation gathered together at public and less public viewing locales everywhere to watch their team beat Serbia mit links (with the left hand – hands down). They won’t necessarily admit that this is what they were thinking but this is precisely what they were.

Then they lost for some reason. So now it goes back the other way: The entire German nation is now down on the same team they were so confident in a few hours back for being the biggest bunch of losers they’ve ever seen since the last time they saw them lose – although it was a different set of losers then – only now they admit openly that they were thinking this would happen all along.

Then come the reasons why they lost, and they are legion. Blah, blah, blah. Everybody knows why afterward, and the venom gets on everything. It’s a real mess and practically impossible to get out unless you use Ariel at 60 Grad, twice.

But they’re trying this time, the Germans. I must say that they’re doing their best to spread the blame around a little more unfairly, as best they can, although the way they’re spreading it isn’t all that terribly original: They’re blaming the referee this time too.

“Der Schiedsrichter ist auch nur ein Mensch – aber kein guter.”