Tag Archives: Humor

“Germany does not back down…

September 8, 2010 By in High Art, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

in the face of threats from Islamist fanatics.” That’s strange, I thought they did that kind of thing all the time.

Anyways, Angela Merkel will be speaking tonight at the M100 Media Prize award ceremony in which Danish cartoonist Kurt Westergaard will be honored.

You know, for freedom of the press or something like that? That’s right, this is the guy who drew some cartoons a few years back that offended Muslims worldwide because they, well, actually, I still don’t really see why. But maybe that’s just me.

And now, five years later, the Chancellor of Germany, “by having her photo taken next to Kurt Westergaard,” will be taking “a huge risk.” Hey, no risk no fun, right?

“Die Auszeichnung Westergaards ist in dieser aufgeladenen und erhitzten Zeit hochproblematisch.”

At least it wasn’t communist pornography

September 7, 2010 By in Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

This has got to be the most insidious commi plot yet, or even ever. The German Communist Party in Essen (yes, it actually still exists) handed out pens to six-year-old kids that can project erotic images of women on walls and, well, I dunno, all over. And like, they even did it by accident.

Damn. I remember being pretty excited on my first day at school and all that but this really takes the cake, or Kuchen, if you prefer.

This truly is shocking and obscene. No, not the part about the pens so much (German sex ed starts really early over here anyway), I mean that the German Communist Party was allowed to hand out anything to six-year-old kids like that in the first place.

“The German Communist Party deeply regrets what has happened and is outraged that this kind of thing, which borders on pornography, can be purchased in normal shops.”

Flying stones gather no moss

September 6, 2010 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Who needs Hamburg Islamists to stage daring terrorist acts in Germany when there are plenty of non-Islamic German types out there attacking the country already?

You know the deal, this was another one of those annual fight-the-power-squatter-anarchist-riot-romantic-love-fest things that got out of control again because they always get of control again, this time in Hamburg’s Schanzenviertel after the so-called Schanzenfest. Hey, somebody’s got to do this stuff. Hamburg Islamist or not, I mean.

“Geschlossen gegen Gewalt.”

So like sack me already

September 5, 2010 By in Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Fire Thilo Sarrazin if you want to, but don’t be surprised if he calls on Angela Merkel to be a star witness during his next political show trial.

“If German President Christian Wulff approves his sacking in the next few days, the decision would be overturned by the justice system.”

“The president will have to consider carefully whether he wants to see this political show trial to its end, and then see his decision thrown out by the courts.”

“This is a big problem and we can talk about it openly, without arousing suspicions of xenophobia.” Hmm, so let’s not talk (or do anything about) it, right?

Well we sure showed him!

September 3, 2010 By in History Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

It took 65 years, but better late than never I guess. The city of Trier has now officially revoked Adolf Hitler’s status as honorary citizen.

Believe it or not, some 4000 German cities gave the dictator honorary citizenship between 1933 and 1945. I believe it. How many gave him honorary citizenship after 1945 is unclear.

So let this be a lesson to all you despotic would-be world conquerors out there who would despotically conquer the world; Trier will eventually revoke your status too. So like don’t even try.
 
Ein historisches Votum zwischen Beschlüssen zur neuen Parkgebühren-Ordnung und zur Generalsanierung einer Berufsschule.

“Completely unacceptable”

September 2, 2010 By in Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

No, not what this guy has said (or at least not everything), I mean the fact that he’s not allowed to say it – and will now get fired.

The German PC Police have struck; in this case led by Bundesbank president Axel Weber who wants really, really bad to be the next Jean Claude Trichet (EZB boss) and every other German politician who wants to get in a few easy brownie points.

The irony? Most Germans most likely agree with Sarrazin’s criticism of the country’s Muslim population. Unlike him, they would just never admit it out loud.

Nobody has to agree with any of his comments, but I do feel that this guy really does need to be accused of one serious crime, his heavy-handed and highly unsophisticated attempt to make some buzz about (and money with) his new book.

Angela Merkel, waded into the row this week. She called his remarks “completely unacceptable”.

A giant leap for Germankind?

September 1, 2010 By in Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Concerning the demographics problem in Germany, I mean. It’s official now: More and more Germans under 50 are actually “thinking” about having children.

Over 50 percent think they will most certainly have children one day, maybe. Some 26 percent think just that maybe part. Well what do you think of that? It’s the thought that counts.

Familienministerin Schröder sieht in dem Ergebnis einen bedeutenden Mentalitätswandel.

Shooting yourself in the foot 101

August 31, 2010 By in Habitudes, History Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

It’s become a well-loved custom here, Germany politicians making complete fools of themselves by using completely unnecessary Nazi comparisons and/or terminology that every German third grader knows not to use.

This time it’s the SPD’s Matthias Platzeck (the SPD is really on a role these days) who used the term “annexation” when referring to German reunification, the same word that was used to describe the Nazi takeover of Austria in World War II. Platzeck is from the mystical German East, by the way.

Now everybody’s upset and stuff. Dumb a#!*´s.

“I don’t know what there is to celebrate.”

This gives German unification a whole new meaning

August 30, 2010 By in Habitudes, History, Hotness Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

There’s new research out or something. In a nutshell, it’s let’s talk about sex again. And talk and talk and talk…

“After forty years of separately developed approaches to sexuality, reunified Germans struggled to establish a working moral consensus, a sexual code for the new Germany.”

Huh? If you have to struggle at it, what’s the fun? Whatever.

“We really don’t have more orgasms in the GDR. Not me, anyway, because I have to work up to 12 hours a day and that doesn’t leave much time for love.”

Before and after

August 29, 2010 By in History, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Same newspaper, same issue, same photographer. Only this story…

is about the ultra-conservative religious and rassist Tea Party wacko right attacking our (as in Germany’s) President Obama himself.

And this one…

meanders around a bit before coming to the stunning conclusion that this grass-roots conservative movement is much more diverse and multilayered (and larger) than European observers have perceived it to be up until now.

Funny how newspapers can be like that, online or not. Maybe it was a slow news day. But was that second article absolutely necessary? That kind of stuff only confuses folks once they’ve read the first article, well, first.

Die gibt es natürlich darunter, doch das konservative Sammelbecken ist vielschichtiger als man in Europa bisweilen wahrnimmt.