These photos should not be made public!

You know, the photos proving how Star Trek Special Operations were in fact the ones who killed Osama Bin Laden. But it’s too late now. The Katze is out of the bag.

Someone at German news channel N24 who needs to have his enthusiasm curbed accidentally spilled the beans by actually producing the official logo of the “Star Trek Maquis Special Operations Seals Team VI” (one nasty bunch of 24th century terrorists), the real culprits behind bin Laden’s death, as we now know. Take him out and phaser him.

That explains why the helicopters were so quiet and stuff.

Closer inspection of the logo obtained by N24 should have turned up the notion that the skull is a little on the Klingon side.

Achtung, Achtung: Census.com!

First it was Google Street View, then Facebook, now another sinister new American data octopus is stretching out its tentacles to abuse German privacy rights anywhere and everywhere it can: Census.com!

Oops! False alarm. It looks like it’s a real German census and doesn’t even have a .com at all. But I’m nevertheless sure that the opposition to it will be massive, just like it was twenty-five years ago in West Germany when an uncountable number of Germans (think census–get it?) took to the streets to protest the government’s evil plan and even boycotted the survey.

Oops again already. Another false alarm. Nobody seems to give a hoot this time. Now everybody is lining up to get counted like sheep. What ever happened to civil disobedience? Even a little uncivil disobedience would be OK with me, people. Pitiful.

Statisticians predict that the survey may well reveal the German population is smaller than thought. The statistics office predicts that up to 1.3 million people still counted on regional population tallies may not actually exist.

Glad Sad Mad

Or was it Sad Mad Glad? At any rate, Chancellor Merkel is now in hot water for “endorsing a crime” after she said that she was “glad” that Osama bin Laden had been killed by US forces.

A Hamburg judge has even filed a criminal complaint against her because of this “tacky and undignified” remark that only an American could love.

In typically German schizophrenic style, Schadenfreude (the enjoyment of others’ suffering) cannot be openly expressed in The Land of Schadenfreude. It simply isn’t done here (even though it’s done here privately all day long).

The Germans aren’t glad about this issue, that’s for sure. But they’re not sad about it either. Whether they’re mad or not is certainly up to debate, however.

“The Sad Mad Glad series makes the teaching of trustworthiness, responsibility, caring, respect, fairness, and citizenship an experience that parents and mentors will never forget.”

And speaking of terror…

Since 2003, EU countries have grudgingly relayed names and other information to US authorities concerning airline passangers who travel between EU and non-EU countries.

This has been complained about and protested against loudly and often(ly) by empörte (indignant) exponents of transparency everywhere who clearly don’t trust the American claim that this is purely an anti-terror measure and only in their best interest.

Now it turns out that these bad American spy policies robbing Germans of their personal freedom led directly to the capture of the Düsseldorfer terror cell last month that had concrete plans for a bomb attack in Germany.

The three alleged terrorists (who also had their personal freedom robbed) were detained during police raids in Düsseldorf and Bochum after authorities decided that they might be getting close to carrying out the attack.

You don’t have to say thanks or anything, Germany. America was just doing its job (rides off into the sunset, fade to black).

„Von amerikanischer Seite sind wir unter anderem auf das auffällige und ungewöhnliche Reiseverhalten der Verdächtigen hingewiesen worden.“

Speaking of Deep Space

And being that the US “now acts indifferently vis-á-vis sovereign states not only in a global but in an orbital fashion,” I couldn’t help but think of this terrifying (and up until now top secret) example of American hi-tech technology (I don’t really know why I couldn’t help but think of it, however).

Remember: Robot Monster stalks the earth to destroy humanity.

Overwelming, electrifying and baffling or something.

PS: Whatever happened to Fukushima?

Deep Space Nein

As the hours tick on, the ever more complex German deep space nein analysis of the Osama-Obama-Drama twists further and further into a seething black hole-ish vortex of convolution, confusion and boundless bitching and moaning.

Here are a few of the latest I particularly like:

“Above all, this conflict takes place in the visual realm, it is a war of images and their reciprocal overpowering through the inspection of that which takes place on the screen.” Huh? So they killed him with a digital camera or what?

“Without photos (of bin Laden’s corpse) conspiracy theories will spread in the US and in the Islamic World.” But not in Germany though, right?

“The Americans made a grave mistake by preventing the necessary tribunal (at an international court of justice) through the liquidation of bin Laden and the overhasty disposal of his body at sea.” So you could still hold the tribunal if they give you the body or what?

“Immanual Kant had realized this well; that this ban on images (they mean bin Laden’s corpse pictures) is the magic behind religious enthusiasm and it is this abstraction of the deduced representation which opens up a greater scope for imagination and passion.” Holy Shit. Even Kant is putting in his two cents worth now.

These are too heavy for me. Let’s try a few of these instead:

“‘Justice’ has become a mere joker card concept used for politically calculated maneuvers.”

“The other side of terrorism are interest and goal pursuing policies that hold to no international law.”

“A fitting translation of ‘enemy killed in action’ could also be ‘executed’.”

Enough already. Let’s finish up with these for dessert:

“Bin Laden was unarmed as he died.”

“Justice, American style.”

“Not a real breakthrough.”

“Bin Laden’s death comes 10 years too late.”

“America’s lost decade cannot be regained.”

“Was bin Laden’s killing legal?”

Stay tuned or something.

Die Übertragung des Militäreinsatzes auf fremden Territorium via Satelliten macht noch einmal klar, dass die Weltmacht USA nicht nur global, indifferent gegenüber Souveränitätsrechten, sondern auch orbital agiert, dass der von Flugmaschinen, Raketen und Nachrichtenautomaten bevölkerte Himmel mit der terrestrischen Einflusssphäre verschmolzen ist.

Looft-shif-TEHK’-nik

Is nothing sacred anymore? Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. says it will team up with Germany’s ZLT Zeppelin Luftschifftechnik to build three new blimps beginning in 2013.

Goodyear’s CEO says updating the fleet will “assure that future generations will be able to experience the joy of seeing a Goodyear blimp gracing the skies.”

The airships will be built by Zeppelin and Goodyear teams at Goodyear’s airship hangar near Akron.

German Reliability?

Sure it’s for real, sort of. As the late Richard Holbrooke said of his experience with it: “Expect the unexpected breach of trust.”

Considering Germany’s latest big coup, declining to vote in favor of a UN Security Council resolution to protect Libyan civilians fighting against the Gaddafi dictatorship (remember that these are the folks who want a permanent seat in the Security Council), I wonder what wonderful words of praise President Obama is going to dish out on June 7 when he bestows the Medal of Freedom (the nation’s highest civilian distinction) on Chancellor Merkel? Something tells me he’s going to do a great job, by the way.

We already know what Frau Merkel will say (or already has said): “Freedom does not come about by itself. It has to be struggled for, and then defended anew, every day of our lives.”

Struggle? What struggle? Well it sure is a struggle trying to put German words and action together here. So I suppose, in a way, it is almost better that Germany now comes out and openly says no from the get go. At least then, as in the case of Libya, “It didn’t do what Germany normally does — say ‘yes,’ and then not do much of anything.”

“How come Germans have this reputation of being reliable, when they never quite are, and historically maybe never were.”

Egyptians, Tunisians, Libyans, Syrians…

And where’s the freakin’ revolution in Berlin? Nichts, nada, niente.

I still can’t believe what didn’t happen here yesterday during this years “Day of Rage.” Some broken glass, a handful of arrests, a little pepper spray and some guy with a pie. Pitiful.

It looks like a history of violence has now become a history of violence.

The real May Day demonstration was taking place somewhere else this year, I guess.

“Wann geht es denn endlich los?”

Anarchists these days. Like where’s the action already?

Scores of riot tourists in Berlin and Hamburg are now demanding their money back after violent clashes between anarchist hot heads and the Polizei failed to materialize last night.

“And this is supposed to be unbridled chaos?” asked one disappointed Berlin visitor. “I’ve seen more action at a funeral parlor. We’ve been waiting around here half the night and not a single Benz is burning. Anywhere. Berlin is poor but sexy, huh? Well it’s boring too.”

Sehr zum Unmut vieler Schaulustiger bleibt es dann an diesem Abend im Schanzenviertel weitgehend ruhig. Bei Bier und Cocktails warten sie darauf, dass Autonome sich mit der Polizei anlegen. “Wann geht es denn endlich los”, fragt ein Mädchen in engen Jeans und braunen Lederstiefeln ihren Begleiter im Polohemd. Eine Digitalkamera baumelt an ihrem Handgelenk.