German Bigfoot sighted

Sort of.

A big black panther-like cat creature–let’s call it Pussyfoot–has been sited several times near Trier recently, leading local officials, among them Mayor Larry Vaughn, desperate not to lose the money that will be brought in by 4th of July tourists, to insist that Chief Brody tell everyone that the girl’s death was actually caused by a motorboat accident and not a Pussyfoot attack, because the thought of a killer black panther in Triers’s forests would drive tourists and who knows who else away for good.

A majority of scientists however, myself included, discount the existence of Pussyfoot, considering it to be a combination of folklore, misidentification and hoax-type stuff instead.
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„Wir prüfen gerade, ob und wie wir das Tier finden können.”

This hurts

To read this, I mean. It hurts from laughing too. This is the most pitiful article I’ve ever read on Spiegel Online, and that’s saying a lot–and that despite the fact that the guy at least got the title right: Obama’s Lost Magic.

Take a minute and read what informed, intelligent and sophisticated European journalists have to say when writing about Obama and the United States today. I would expect sixth graders to think this way, but… Whatever.

Now they are calling Obama a “weakling.” But that’s not fair. Naturally Barack Obama reacts in a more mature, adult way than his predecessor, George W. Bush. The problem is simply that Obama is smaller than the promise he made, and tiny in comparison to the hopes an entire nation placed on him in 2008.

Is this green enough for you?

“The development of renewable energy in Germany was important and correct, but everything has a price. Every consumer should know that.”

And very soon they will. Electricity users in Germany will face up to a 70 percent increase in 2011 in the eco-surcharge they pay for the extra costs of renewable energy.

It could be worse, though–and probably soon will be. The German Energy Agency (Dena) fears that a too rapid expansion of solar energy will lead to an energy grid collapse. Hey, no risk no fun.

„Die Netze stehen vor der Überlastung durch Sonnenstrom.“

Playing with numbers

Talk about being “alarmist.” Der Spiegel wants to warn us that right-wing attitudes are suddenly on the rise again in Germany. Hmmm. Where did that come from all of a sudden? They wouldn’t be trying to ride on that obligatory anti-Sarrazin hysteria wave, now would they?

“A new study has revealed that far-right attitudes are deeply rooted in German society.” Wow, like we really needed a new study to know that.

“30 percent think that foreigners come here to take advantage of the welfare state.” Another shocking new revelation. I bet it was closer to 50 percent thirty years ago.

“More than one-tenth would like a ‘Führer‘ who would govern the country ‘with a firm hand’ for the benefit of all.”  Again, honestly, do any of you really believe that this number has ever been any lower in this country since World War II?

None of this is new, in other words. Germans have always been xenophobic and somebody’s “victim”–that’s just what they do.

So is this fear mongering? Yes. Am I being complacent? Yes. It’s because Germans have never been more strapped in to democracy than they are now–whether any of them like it or not–and although I can imagine a whole lot of things, anything even remotely resembling Nazi Germany taking place here again is definitely not one of them.

“More than 90 percent of respondents felt it was useless to become involved in politics.”

Too many rich people here

Germans everywhere are concerned about a very disturbing revelation: There are over 100 German billionaires living in or around the country as we speak, so-to-speak.

These amerikanische Verhältnisse (American conditions) are unfair and unexceptable and incommensurate with the German consitution, or ought to be, because no German should have that much capital at his or her disposal because, well, this is an outrage for some reason.

Of course that these same upset Germans made the first three on the list (the ALDI and Lidl folks) as disgustingly wealthy as they are by always wanting cheapness über alles, that’s another story. Actually, no. It isn’t.

But maybe another story is the fact that Germans live in a so-called Neidgesellschaft (a society infected with envy) and are generally filled with Missgunst (resentment) and don’t want to keep up with the Joneses as much as they want to keep the Joneses down. Or anders gesagt (in other words); there can’t be any losers in Germany, but there sure the hell better not be any winners either.

“Insgesamt erhöhte sich die Zahl der Milliardäre und Milliardärsfamilien in Deutschland im Vergleich zum Vorjahr leicht von 99 auf 103.”

And in case you were wondering…

(and I know that you weren’t) Germans don’t spend as much time on Facebook as other nationality types do. That’s a real news item, right?

They seem to be more, how-you-say, how-you-say, suspicious, ja? According to some study brought out by a market research institute in Bielefeld, Germans only spend 3.1 hours per week on social network sites like Facebook. By comparison, Malasians spend about 9 hours per week, Russians 8.1 and Turks 7.7. And not even half of the Germans who do have bothered to place pictures in their social network accounts whereas, for instance, 92 percent of the Thais online have. I guess the Thais feel they are more photogenic or something. Or feel more something the Germans aren’t, anyway.

Just thought you might like to know.

Insgesamt sei der digitale Eifer in Wachstumsmärkten wie Brasilien (48 Prozent) und China (54 Prozent) deutlich größer als in Industrieländern wie Deutschland (36 Prozent), Finnland (26 Prozent) oder Japan (20 Prozent).

Germans now to be frightened by Google Carbots

And they aren’t even here yet. But they will be, soon. Halloween is coming up, after all.

And you thought Street View was scary. This is going to be a real privacy invasion, people. These robotic nightmares have mind reading laser probes that will continually feed on their victims’ brain-stem cells and gather more personal information about them than even they (at Google Imperial Command) will know what to do with. But they will, with time.

Die sind immer und überall.

Turks beat Germans

In what was sure to have been one turkey of a show, Turkey beat Germany last night on a SAT .1  TV duel game show thingy. Sorry I missed it (not).

Damn. No sooner does German President Christian Wulff assert that Islam “belongs” in Germany than the Turks get all uppity and whoop everybody’s butt.

“Was die Show, außer den Kandidaten, mit den beiden Nationen zu tun hatte, blieb weitgehend schleierhaft.”