Tag Archives: Satire

Well we sure showed him!

September 3, 2010 By in History Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

It took 65 years, but better late than never I guess. The city of Trier has now officially revoked Adolf Hitler’s status as honorary citizen.

Believe it or not, some 4000 German cities gave the dictator honorary citizenship between 1933 and 1945. I believe it. How many gave him honorary citizenship after 1945 is unclear.

So let this be a lesson to all you despotic would-be world conquerors out there who would despotically conquer the world; Trier will eventually revoke your status too. So like don’t even try.
 
Ein historisches Votum zwischen Beschlüssen zur neuen Parkgebühren-Ordnung und zur Generalsanierung einer Berufsschule.

“Completely unacceptable”

September 2, 2010 By in Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

No, not what this guy has said (or at least not everything), I mean the fact that he’s not allowed to say it – and will now get fired.

The German PC Police have struck; in this case led by Bundesbank president Axel Weber who wants really, really bad to be the next Jean Claude Trichet (EZB boss) and every other German politician who wants to get in a few easy brownie points.

The irony? Most Germans most likely agree with Sarrazin’s criticism of the country’s Muslim population. Unlike him, they would just never admit it out loud.

Nobody has to agree with any of his comments, but I do feel that this guy really does need to be accused of one serious crime, his heavy-handed and highly unsophisticated attempt to make some buzz about (and money with) his new book.

Angela Merkel, waded into the row this week. She called his remarks “completely unacceptable”.

A giant leap for Germankind?

September 1, 2010 By in Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Concerning the demographics problem in Germany, I mean. It’s official now: More and more Germans under 50 are actually “thinking” about having children.

Over 50 percent think they will most certainly have children one day, maybe. Some 26 percent think just that maybe part. Well what do you think of that? It’s the thought that counts.

Familienministerin Schröder sieht in dem Ergebnis einen bedeutenden Mentalitätswandel.

Shooting yourself in the foot 101

August 31, 2010 By in Habitudes, History Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

It’s become a well-loved custom here, Germany politicians making complete fools of themselves by using completely unnecessary Nazi comparisons and/or terminology that every German third grader knows not to use.

This time it’s the SPD’s Matthias Platzeck (the SPD is really on a role these days) who used the term “annexation” when referring to German reunification, the same word that was used to describe the Nazi takeover of Austria in World War II. Platzeck is from the mystical German East, by the way.

Now everybody’s upset and stuff. Dumb a#!*´s.

“I don’t know what there is to celebrate.”

This gives German unification a whole new meaning

August 30, 2010 By in Habitudes, History, Hotness Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

There’s new research out or something. In a nutshell, it’s let’s talk about sex again. And talk and talk and talk…

“After forty years of separately developed approaches to sexuality, reunified Germans struggled to establish a working moral consensus, a sexual code for the new Germany.”

Huh? If you have to struggle at it, what’s the fun? Whatever.

“We really don’t have more orgasms in the GDR. Not me, anyway, because I have to work up to 12 hours a day and that doesn’t leave much time for love.”

Before and after

August 29, 2010 By in History, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Same newspaper, same issue, same photographer. Only this story…

is about the ultra-conservative religious and rassist Tea Party wacko right attacking our (as in Germany’s) President Obama himself.

And this one…

meanders around a bit before coming to the stunning conclusion that this grass-roots conservative movement is much more diverse and multilayered (and larger) than European observers have perceived it to be up until now.

Funny how newspapers can be like that, online or not. Maybe it was a slow news day. But was that second article absolutely necessary? That kind of stuff only confuses folks once they’ve read the first article, well, first.

Die gibt es natürlich darunter, doch das konservative Sammelbecken ist vielschichtiger als man in Europa bisweilen wahrnimmt.

Talk about gag

August 27, 2010 By in Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

I mean PR gag, of course. Berlin’s a tough town, man. It’s dog eat dog here. Why it’s so dog eat dog here that it’s man eat man.

A website advertising a new restaurant has called for potential guests to donate their body parts – for later. But that’s understandably a, well, tender subject here because a Berliner was murdered and partially eaten by a cannibal not all too long ago.

I cannibalive it.

“I am assuming it is a misguided joke. But it is disgusting.”

Germans sceptical about delaying discrimination process

August 26, 2010 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , 5 Comments

Chalk it up to German efficiency, but a new pilot program to test anonymized job applications here is being met with great scepticism.


 
Meant to reduce discrimination against people with immigrant backgrounds, women and others, German employers are clearly disgruntled about having to put off the prejudice until interview time.

Strange, isn’t it? Otherwise fanatical about protecting identities here, when it comes to hiring, German employers just can’t know enough about the applicant.

If you’ve got a name like Mehmet or Neylan, there’s a good chance your application will be answered with a rejection letter.

The economy really must be booming again

August 25, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Humor, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: , , , , , , , 3 Comments

This is by far one of my top five if not my absolute favorite scam here.

Although the political class in Berlin still pretends as if workers in Germany will actually be working until they are 67 in the future before being able to retire here (the system – or the demographics – she is broken, Señor), last year’s Vorruhestand (early retirement) numbers shot up 10,000 over the previous year, making it the highest number of early retirees (171,129) to throw in the towel (early) over the past six years.

Don’t get me wrong, though. These folks had to retire early because they were sick. Honest. No, not sick of working. Most of them had one of those newfangled, you know, psychological-like ailment-type sicknesses. But don’t worry. They’re feeling better already.

Der weitaus größte Teil – rund 64.000 Menschen – habe aufgrund einer psychischen Erkrankung in den vorzeitigen Ruhestand gehen müssen.

Grüne Acres

August 24, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hate Tags: , , , , , , , , 8 Comments

More strange geometric patterns apparently created overnight in German corn fields by, uh, aliens. Or at least by out-of-towners. Or, well, maybe not.

All together now!

“Green Acres is the place to be.
Farm living is the life for me.
Land spreading out so far and wide.
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.”

Sie ist nicht von der These des Bürgermeisters überzeugt, dass es sich bei den Tätern um auswärtige Besucher handeln muss.