That Berlin’s ghost airport could finally, like, actually, you know, well, open? Sends shivers down my spine.
But I don’t believe in ghost airports. That eventually open, I mean. You can’t scare me with that nonsense. So don’t even try.
After a 13-year saga punctuated by scandals, bankruptcies and comical setbacks, Berlin’s new airport could finally open in 2020 – nine years behind schedule.
An exact opening date for Berlin Brandenburg Airport (BER) – October 31, 2020 – was announced last week, with Dietmar Woidke, Minister President of the German state of Brandenburg.
Flushed with the success of not having been built yet but nobody really seeming to give a shit, Berlin’s hyper-delayed Berlin Brandenburg Airport will soon also not be getting an additional terminal for none of the additional millions of passengers that are almost certainly never going to land here.
Being that the airport was originally planned to open in 2011, Airport operators are playing it safe this time and have scheduled the new terminal to open in October 2074, provided, of course, no unforeseen delays get in the way of all the other unforeseen delays that are invariably going to pop up during non-construction so unforeseenly.
The new airport has defied all clichés of German efficiency: it was meant to open in 2011, but construction problems and technical delays saw the date pushed back repeatedly, leaving the German capital reliant on two small and aging Cold War-era airports.
To just get it over with and close down Berlin’s new non-existent airport before it ever not opens, I mean.
Nobody will be brave enoug, of course.. Not even after this latest (coming) delay. Can you still call them delays when you get to the ten-year mark?
The latest setback is reportedly due to problems with fire protection. Other errors over the years include badly installed cables, escalators that were too short and a roof that was too heavy.
Corruption is also a factor – last year one former airport employee was sentenced to prison for taking bribes and dozens of others have been fined.
Collateral damage includes construction companies, retail outlets and taxi firms forced into bankruptcy and one former Berlin mayor (SPD) forced out of his job.
Zu Tagesspiegel-Erkenntnissen, denen zufolge eine BER-Eröffnung vor 2021 durch die neuen Informationen zunehmend unwahrscheinlich wird, äußert sich die Flughafengesellschaft nicht direkt.
That means world-class. And that’s what Berlin is. Or at the very least European-class. When it comes to crappy airports.
Just like at a survey taken a little earlier this year, of the top ten most horrible airports in all of ze Europe, Berlin Tegel and Berlin Schönefeld got on the short list again, although they only managed ranking ninth and tenth this time. Of course if they counted crappy non-existent airports, Berlin BER would have squeezed in there, too. Or do you think they might have a special consolation prize for that category?
Ein Nutzer schreibt sogar, der Flughafen Berlin Schönfeld sei “der schlechteste Flughafen überhaupt”. Alles sei sehr beengt und zu klein für die vielen Reisenden. „Die Wände, die Fenster und der ganze unsaubere Flughafen erwecken den Eindruck, dass man in einem Gefängnis ist, aus dem man fliehen will“.
Previously thought to be impossible within the realm of phenomenal reality, airport physisists were more than a little shocked today to discover that Berlin’s infamously nonexistent and still not new BER airport – latest takeoff delay soon to be announced for 2019 – is nevertheless much too small, despite its nothingness.
Too small to ever be a grown-up, major hub-like airport, that is. If it ever were to see the light of day, of course. Which it might not. These are theoretical airport physisists we’re talking about here, in case you were wondering.
Ein Start des BER vor 2019 gilt als unwahrscheinlich. Flughafenchef Engelbert Lütke Daldrup will in diesem Jahr einen Eröffnungstermin nennen.
Tegel was only voted 8th worst airport in the world recently, after all. Schönefeld was numero uno. But now another vote is in.
Berliners voted to keep the historic Tegel airport open even after a new international hub is completed, creating a headache for the German capital’s government, which wanted it closed.
Tegel sprang up in just 90 days in 1948 to support the Berlin Airlift, a huge operation to ship supplies and thwart a Cold War Soviet blockade. It is much-loved by many Berliners and business travellers for its proximity to the city center.
Berlin’s government will now have to rethink its plans to close Tegel after some 56 percent of voters supported the non-binding referendum on Sunday, the same day as Germany’s federal election, to reconsider the proposal.
“The result has created a very, difficult situation that could be legally and financially challenging.” Another chance for the Berlin Senat to excel, I say.
You know, the new one that still hasn’t opened yet and perhaps never will? No. Berlin is already number one when it comes to airports. So let’s move on already, people.
1. Berlin Schönefeld Airport (SXF) in Deutschland 2. London Luton Airport (LTN) in Großbritannien 3. New York LaGuardia Airport (LGA) in den USA 4. New York J. F. Kennedy Airport (JFK) in den USA 5. Brüssel Charleroi Airport (CRL) in Belgien 6. Lima International Airport (LIM) in Peru 7. Rom Ciampino Airport (CIA) in Italien 8. Berlin Tegel Airport (TXL) in Deutschland 9. Paris Charles De Gaulle Airport (CDG) in Frankreich 10. Paris Orly Airport (ORY) in Frankreich
Sure, this is a list of the world’s worst airports (according to a survey taken by eDreams), but still. Both of Berlin’s airports under the top ten. Nice try New York and Paris but toodaloo muddafrika…
But Berlin’s “new” airport doors won’t. So that’s why the grand opening will have to be put off again for another year.
For now, I mean. Hey, when one door closes another one opens. And when when one door doesn’t close… Whatever.
Statt 80 Prozent Ende 2016 sind de facto nur 20 Prozent in Ordnung. Ein ordnungsgemäßes Funktionieren der Türen ist jedoch insbesondere für die fehlerfreie Entrauchung wichtig.
PS: You just wait, Hamburg. You’re going to have to.
German newspapers are reporting that the latest delay announcement expected for the opening of Berlin’s troubled old new airport will now push the currently planned postponement back until the spring of 2018.
Disappointed Berliners had been hoping that the next delay announcement could have come as late as the spring of 2017 but this will now have to be moved forward as a new round of cost overruns and construction errors have caused yet another delay for that next planned delay.
Rumor has it that the Berlin Brandenburg Klaus Wowereit International Airport had originally been set to open in 2011 but no one can be located who can verify this with any certainty anymore.
The official announcement for the delay of the delay has been postponed until next year.
“Mir ist keine Entscheidung zwischen Weihnachten und Neujahr bekannt.”
For a moment there it almost appeared as if the city of Berlin might somehow actually manage to complete the construction of the Mother of All Politically Engineered Airport Absurdities by the end of 2017. But only for a moment. Whew. The more things don’t change, the more they stay the same.
Travelers are set to wait still longer for Berlin’s much-delayed new airport to open, as city media report that a provisional opening date in late 2017 is no longer achievable.
Niemand hat die Absicht, einen Flughafen zu errichten.*
*Nobody has the intention of building an airport. Get it? You know, like nobody had the intention of building a wall? The only difference is that they got that wall up in no time.
