How To Avoid Getting Scolded By A German?

That’s easy. Practice very aggressive social distancing. You know. Like, move to France?

Scold

Have you ever walked on the bicycle lane? Put a refundable bottle into a regular bin? Asked a bus driver how much the ride costs? In Germany, these beginners’ mistakes might earn you a good scold. Here’s how to avoid it…

“The point is not whether they are right or not, it’s that anyone here thinks they’re allowed to educate you.”

German Oddity 177. Germany is what you might call a correcting culture. It is not uncommon for perfect strangers to publically reprimand you here if you do not abide by what is considered the societal norm. Newcomers are usually shocked when discovering that others have no qualms about telling you that you’re doing something wrong, as if you were a small child. If they don’t tell you outright there will at least be a display of disapproving headshaking.

We’re All Going To Die!

So let’s go on a nice vacation first. It looks like Coronavirus is going to take a little longer than expected to wipe out the German race so Germans aren’t wasting any time getting their priorities straight.

Vacation

Coronavirus: Germany to lift travel ban for 29 European countries on June 15 – The German Foreign Minister Heiko Maas has confirmed that Germany will remove a travel ban on EU member states and some other countries from June 15. However, he stressed that this was not “an invitation to travel.”

“We must not let this lull us into a false sense of security.”

Berlin Doesn’t Need A New Airport After All

You know, the new one that still hasn’t opened yet and perhaps never will? No. Berlin is already number one when it comes to airports. So let’s move on already, people.

Airports

1.  Berlin Schönefeld Airport (SXF) in Deutschland
2.  London Luton Airport (LTN) in Großbritannien
3.  New York LaGuardia Airport (LGA) in den USA
4.  New York J. F. Kennedy Airport (JFK) in den USA
5.  Brüssel Charleroi Airport (CRL) in Belgien
6.  Lima International Airport (LIM) in Peru
7.  Rom Ciampino Airport (CIA) in Italien
8.  Berlin Tegel Airport (TXL) in Deutschland
9.  Paris Charles De Gaulle Airport (CDG) in Frankreich
10. Paris Orly Airport (ORY) in Frankreich

Sure, this is a list of the world’s worst airports (according to a survey taken by eDreams), but still. Both of Berlin’s airports under the top ten. Nice try New York and Paris but toodaloo muddafrika…

Zwei deutsche Flughäfen unter den Top 10.

My German Is More Dumber Than Your German Is

It’s 99 cent blowout ebook sale time again! Like how outrageous is that?

Dumb

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also available at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.*

“Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!”

Kilgore Trout

* I’d give this ebook away for free but then you wouldn’t read it and that would be irresponsible so I won’t.

Would Kilgore Trout Tell A Lie?

It’s special ebook offer time again already, folks. Deal with it.

Dumb Deutsch

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.

“Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!”

Kilgore Trout

501 German Oddities For HOW Much?

For only 99 cents? Why, that’s… 5.060606060606061 oddities per cent! A pretty high percentage of oddities there, I’d say. For the penny, I mean.

501 Oddities

And worth every penny, too. Just ask Marina. If you happen to know her, I mean:

“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”

Sale ends next week! So hurry or something.

PS: Also available at Smashwords, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Scribd, etc.

Mass Numbers Of Germans Flee Country

And then return again. Several times a year even. They call it Tourismus (tourism).

Travel

That’s right, when not moaning about capitalism and democracy itself, Germans like to spend their ample free time breaking new records in the World Travel Champions category. In 2014 they spent more than 67 billion euros traveling, for instance, five percent more than the year before. The next record for 2015 seems to be vorprogrammiert (preprogrammed), too.

Die Deutschen lassen sich ihren Urlaub so viel kosten wie nie. Mehr als 67 Milliarden Euro gaben sie im vergangenen Jahr für Urlaubsreisen von mindestens fünf Tagen aus, plus fünf Prozent zum Vorjahr.

The End Of An Aura

It’s amazing these sleeper trains have lasted as long as they have, if you stop and think about it.

Night Train

Saturday marked the end of the line for this Paris-Berlin sleeper, at any rate. Slow food might be able to make a stand here and there but it looks like slow travel is definitely out.

Deutsche Bahn, the German rail network which operates the sleeper said the service was incurring debts over €20 million a year and losing out to cheap bus connections and easyJet which offers a regular service between the two capitals. Along with the Paris-Berlin sleeper, overnight train services linking Berlin with Copenhagen and Amsterdam are also being axed.

A Third Of The World Wants To Work In Germany?

That’s strange because 56 percent of Germans would prefer to work abroad (and 35 percent of those would like to work in the United States).

Jobs

Germany is the number one non-English speaking destination for migrant workers, according to a global study. It ranked as the fourth most popular place to work abroad globally, after the US, UK and Canada respectively. One third of the 200,000 respondents surveyed said they’d like to move to the country.

“German jobseekers don’t necessarily associate going abroad with getting a better job offer or more money. Germans are much more likely than workers elsewhere to say that interesting job content and challenging work assignments are important to them.”

What’s One More Delay For The BBA?

The Berlin Brandenburg Airport, I mean. Or isn’t it the Berlin Brandenburg Willy Brandt Airport?

Or does it stand for But Berlin Went Broke Already? Better not Bother With Booking Ahead?

Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit said the delay will cost money but declined to put a price tag on it.