The Three Percent Solution?

January 18, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Green Shirts, Humor, Renewable energy, Satire, Solar energy, The Greens 3 Comments

Three percent. That’s how much solar energy contributes to Germany’s overall energy mix (now don’t go be a jerk and break it to the Germans that the sun doesn’t shine very much here).

But that doesn’t really matter because, jeepers, that measly three percent only costs consumers half of the total 17 billion euros they have to shell out for renewable energy here.

It’s the principle of the matter, you see. If the Germans left this solar energy stuff up to the free market (that means no subsidies), then solar power’s contribution would be even lower than three percent – at none of the cost – and just think about how ridiculous they would look then.

And (even) the Spiegel says: Solar Subsidy Sinkhole

Sinking Ships Can’t Stop Them

January 17, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Travel, Vacation Leave a comment

Ethiopian gunmen can’t stop them.

Germans just can’t stop going on vacation. It’s what they do.

And that’s why they win the Reiseweltmeisterpreis (World Champion Travellers Award) every year. It’s not a real award, of course, but Germans are always talking about it as if it were (and only a German would be interested in winning an award like that in the first place, come to think of it).

And in 2011, the German nation spent 60 billion euros (that’s billion with a b) on travel.

“Tourists don’t know where they’ve been, travelers don’t know where they’re going.”

Die Deutschen bleiben Reiseweltmeister. Über 60 Milliarden Euro gaben sie laut einer Studie 2011 für Reisen ins Ausland aus.

Berlin Fashion Weak

January 16, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, High Art, Humor Tags: Berlin, Berlin Fashion Week, Fashion, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Mode, Satire 5 Comments

Hell if I know if they’ll be presenting this elegant ensemble at this year’s freak, I mean show.

All I know is that German fashion (or any other kind of fashion, for that matter) is clearly way too deep for me.

Neben zahlreichen Messen, darunter die Premium am Gleisdreieck, bietet die Fashion Week viel Klatsch und Tratsch bei Empfängen und Partys.

Our Autobahns Don’t Stink

January 15, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Infrastructure, Renewable energy, Satire, The Greens Leave a comment

Remember how the Greens in Berlin shot themselves in the foot after elections last fall by sticking ever so stickily to sticky green principles by just saying no to a two-mile stretch of Berlin autobahn that everybody in town wanted but them?

It was a stellar performance in reality check checking and how not to form a coalition government with the SPD even though everyone seemed convinced up until then that the Greens were either going to take over the Berlin city goverment completely or at least play a major role as junior partner (neither happened).

Well surprise, surprise. Green shirt ideologues what’s upstairs have now just okayed a working paper calling for a more offensive and quite massive expansion of the German autobahn system in West Germany. This is not a sell-out of green principles, however, not that you were even thinking that.

Green autobahns, as you may know, are made of biodegradable concrete and recycled plastic ALDI shopping bags, constructed using environmentally friendly green technology (wind-, I mean hot air-powered) and progressive landscaping techniques which allow for low carbon tire prints, renewable eco-outhouse rest stop stops and an overal eco-friendly and very green if not rather high global environmental greenhouse impact.

Alles im grünen Bereich, wie immer.

As The Energy Turnaround Turns

January 8, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: Alternative Energy, Berlin, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Green Jobs, Humor, Nuclear power, Satire, Solar Power, The Green Shirts 1 Comment

Now that the German Energiewende (energy turnaround) is here, tens of thousands of new green jobs have been created. Well, not quite yet actually. But it won’t be long now.

After all, once Berlin decided to permanently switch off the country’s eight oldest nuclear reactors and close the remaining ones still online by 2022, everyone here was absolutely ecstatic (at least those who didn’t work in the energy sector were). Sometimes you just have to give the people what they want, you know? And now they’ve got it. What they wanted, I mean

The same day the Energiewende was announced saw the first case in Germany of a solar panel manufacturer (Solon) announcing it was going into liquidation, threatening the loss of some 500 jobs. Then you had EON, Germany’s biggest power supplier, deciding to cut up to 11,000 jobs worldwide while its rival RWE shed 8,000. Then you had Solar Millennium. Then you had, oh I forget which one (there have been so many recently), solar something or something.

Hey, what’s a little job loss when it comes to the common green good (rhymes with Robin Hood)? These jobs are coming, people, sooner or later or maybe not even at all because, well, not even green jobs grow on trees.

Optimistic predictions that Germany’s decision to turn its back on nuclear energy will lead to the creation of hundreds of thousands of jobs in the renewable energy sector have met with scepticism.

And The Downbeat Goes On

January 1, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, New Year's Eve, Satire, The Euro Crisis Leave a comment

Yeah, Angie Merkel has a New Year’s hangover, too.

The German chancellor warns us, I mean you, that the year ahead will “undoubtedly” be harder than 2011.

Yeah, prost Neujahr to you, too, lady.

Some 22 percent of the (German poll) respondents expect the region to abandon the euro and return to national currencies while 90 percent said in response to a separate question that other euro member states would join Greece, Portugal and Ireland in needing aid.

Too Much Sun, Son

December 22, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Alternative Energy, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Green energy, Humor, Renewable energy, Satire, Solar energy, The Green Shirts, The Greens 1 Comment

Now if we could only learn to harness the power of falling solar energy company stocks…

Solar Millennium AG plunged by a record in Frankfurt trading after becoming the second publicly traded German solar company to file for insolvency.

Let’s face it, people: The sun and Germany just don’t mix.

Solar Millennium war ein grüner Börsenstar. Beim Solarkraftwerk-Hersteller klang immer alles nach Weltrettung, ständig ging es um die Zukunft der Menschheit. Seit Donnerstag ist das Unternehmen pleite und es wird klar: Viele hundert Millionen Euro sind weg. Es droht einer der größten Anlageskandale der Geschichte.

This Just In: Britain Distrusts Germany

December 20, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, History Tags: Berlin, Britain, EU, Euro Crisis, Europe, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, UK Leave a comment

Wow, talk about a news item.

This must be the scoop of the century. Are Woodward and Bernstein back? Did the CIA finally do something right? Where on earth do Spiegel journalists uncover such unexpected and volatile information?

Always remember, folks: If it’s not in the Spiegel, it didn’t happen.

“Welcome to the Fourth Reich”

Phase Out vs. Cash In

December 19, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire, The Greens Leave a comment

“Fukushima changed my attitude towards nuclear energy,” she said.

Now, though, it would appear that German industry is relying on government assistance to pursue the construction of nuclear power plants abroad.

Four applications for government export guarantees on nuclear power plant projects are currently under consideration. Known as Hermes guarantees, the program protects German companies from non-payment on overseas deals. The four projects are located in Finland, Great Britain, China and India.

“The nuclear phaseout must also apply to export guarantees.”

Malfunction Is Better Than No Function At All

December 18, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, S-Bahn, Sekt, Trains 3 Comments

When Berlin’s entire S-Bahn commuter train system isn’t down and out due to power outages, ice and snow (yet to come this year) or just plain good old fashioned traditional mismanagement, Berliners are asked to show understanding for S-Bahn train drivers who call in sick en masse, about 10 percent of the workforce at the moment.

They don’t do substitute train drivers, I guess, and that 10 percent is enough to cause massive delays on a number of lines here and tens of thousands of commuters to come in late to work, should those folks not have had enough sense to call in sick too, I mean. It’s been about three days now. S-Bahn drivers are sick here, alright. Sick of working. Merry Christmas to you too, pal(s).

“Unsere Personaldecke ist eben nicht hundertprozentig gedeckt, da machen sich krankheitsbedingte Ausfälle sofort bemerkbar.”

PS: Or maybe these guys have just been hitting the Little Red Riding Hood too heavy this week.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Heconomy