Category Archives: Home Cooking

“Green Politician Survives Pie Attack Unscathed”

September 23, 2010 By in Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 3 Comments

I don’t make this stuff up, people. This title was the real thing and wasn’t meant as a joke.

The attack had something to do with “professional revolutionary” anti-nuke protestors or something. They were apparently pissed off that the anti-nuke Greens aren’t anti-nuke enough. So Green boss Jürgen Trittin got nuked with an anti-pie (from somebody’s auntie?) during a podium discussion. You know, the kind of podium discussions Jerry Springer used to have?

This particular discussion was entitled “Ideals and Realpolitik” so now we have the rest of the story. Geez, how could pies not have been thrown there?

Trittin’s not going to press chages, though. I guess the incident was too pienlich (embarassing) for him.

„Das intellektuelle Niveau dieser Argumentation eines Menschen, der sich selbst als Berufsrevolutionärin bezeichnet, ist beleidigend für jeden intelligenten Revolutionär. Nebenbei bemerkt ist Poddig wahrscheinlich die erste Berufsrevolutionärin, die nichts dabei findet, auf einer Veranstaltung aufzutreten, die mit staatlichen Geldern finanziert wird.“

Jubiläumswiesnbier?

September 15, 2010 By in Habitudes, History, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Go ahead. Say that ten times really fast.

My oh my, it seems just like yesterday that the Oktoberfest began. 200 years ago, I mean.

And to honor this hallowed event, and to be able to charge even more than usual for the stuff, six rival Bavarian breweries are calling a beer truce to brew a speciel brew in beer-heavenly peace and love and justice together forever amen; that there Jubiläumswiesnbier thing mentioned up there.

The top-secret recipe being used will produce an “amber-colored special beer full-bodied in taste with a flowery malt aroma” and a beer, with an alcohol content of 6 percent, that’ll also knock your Ding in the dirt. But it’s all in the name of tradition, people, OK? Like, it took 200 years to get here, you know?

Even though the Oktoberfest tradition is 200 years old this year, the festival is only being held for the 177th time because it was cancelled on 24 occasions in times of war and during two cholera outbreaks in the 19th century.

Talk about gag

August 27, 2010 By in Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

I mean PR gag, of course. Berlin’s a tough town, man. It’s dog eat dog here. Why it’s so dog eat dog here that it’s man eat man.

A website advertising a new restaurant has called for potential guests to donate their body parts – for later. But that’s understandably a, well, tender subject here because a Berliner was murdered and partially eaten by a cannibal not all too long ago.

I cannibalive it.

“I am assuming it is a misguided joke. But it is disgusting.”

Big plane

June 13, 2010 By in Hi-tech, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

But the contract with Emirates Airlines announced during the Berlin Air Show is even bigger.

No Hintergedanken (ulterior motives) here or anything, though.

Dubai’s Emirates Airline ordered 32 additional Airbus A380 superjumbo jetliners, and deliberately announced the $11.5 billion deal in Germany’s capital to fight a trade battle with flag carrier Deutsche Lufthansa AG.

Emirates, which had already ordered 58 of the world’s largest passenger plane, wants Berlin to grant it greater access to the huge German aviation market. Lufthansa argues that its home market of 80 million people shouldn’t be thrown open to a carrier from one of the United Arab Emirates. Dubai has a population of roughly 3.5 million people. Carriers from the UAE may now serve at most four German cities.

Erst 2015 sollen die Produktionskosten so weit gesenkt sein, dass der Flieger Gewinn abwirft. Im Klartext: Die meisten der 32 an Emirates verkauften Maschinen werden Airbus einen Verlust bescheren.

“I underestimated how good German beer is”

April 20, 2010 By in Habitudes, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

4G? Oh, gee. What do you mean it’s gone?

Who is Gray Powell – other than that Apple iPhone engineer dude who got a little too happy on German beer at a place called Gourmet Haus Staudt in Redwood City, California of all places and left his 4G prototype iPhone on a bar stool to get picked up later by somebody else who recognized its value and sold it for $5,000 to a gadget web site in New York that’s now making a big noise about it, understandably – and why won’t we leave him alone?

The website claims it bought the phone from a man Gizmodo reportedly paid $5,000 (£3,254) for access to the device. who discovered it on March 19 “lost in a bar in Redwood City” near Apple’s headquarters in Cupertino, California.

Ossi ethnicity?

April 16, 2010 By in History, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Well, it’s official now. Turned down for work in the German West because she hailed from the German East, a woman took the company to court on racial, or at least ethnic, discrimination charges – and lost.

No ethnic group, no tribal breaks here, Easties. Nice try though. If you are an Ossi (East German), you stay one. So like wake up and smell the Kaffee. Life’s a Schlampe and then you die. Get used to it already. You’re now just like the rest of us out there who aren’t like the rest of us out there, I mean you (out there). That’s life. Here’s a hanky. Blow your nose. Now go out and get a job in Friedrichshain or in Dresden or in some other awful place like that. OK, I’m finished.

Als Gabriele S. vor Monaten ihre Bewerbungsunterlagen zurückbekam, prangte neben dem Lebenslauf der handschriftliche Vermerk des Fensterbauers. “(-) Ossi!”. An mehreren Stellen stand “DDR”. Eine üble Diskriminierung?

Where’s my Kuchen?

February 11, 2010 By in Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I want to eat it too.

“If Berlin pursues this new stance*, the Center for European Reform report argues, it will allow Germany to have its cake and eat it. Germany would be contributing to President Barack Obama’s quest for nuclear disarmament, the report says, but could still rely on the NATO countries that deploy the remaining 180 U.S. weapons — Belgium, Italy, the Netherlands and Turkey — to provide it with a security umbrella.”

* Demanding that the remaining American nuclear missles be removed from Germany but still expect the protection of American nuclear weapons.

“Die letzten Nuklearwaffen in Deutschland sind ein Relikt des Kalten Kriegs. Sie haben keinen militärischen Sinn mehr.”

Go west, German autombile companies!

January 12, 2010 By in Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Mit einem blauen Auge davongekommen (getting out of the econmic crisis with just a black eye), German automobile locust types now have their other eye clearly focused on US-Amerika and plan to produce even more of their fancy schmancy Germerican cars there.

Actually, they’ve been doing this quite some time already and doing it quite well, thank you. They’ve continually increased their share of the American Automobile Market Pie these past five years and now enjoy a healthy 7.3 percent piece of it. And believe it or not, the American auto market is still the biggest in the world, although I wouldn’t know why. Or you wouldn’t think so these days, I mean.

Or could it be that German auto makers just want to get the hell out of Germany because, I dunno, German workers are too expensive? Nah.

Die deutsche Autoindustrie sieht sich in den USA als Krisengewinner.