Category Archives: Home Cooking

The Green Plague (Another Green Shirt Terror Post)

June 6, 2011 By in Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Now it’s tainted German sprouts that have caused the deadly E. coli (Ehec) outbreak (but remember, the source of the outbreak seems to change here every few hours–ask Spanish organic cucumber farmers). Sprouts? That’s another one of them there green organic foods, ain’t it?

Anyway, one German Spiegel reader who goes by the name of alex300 is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore. I feel his pain and stuff. He writes:

“What have we learned from the organic crisis?

1. That green organic farmers can cause more damage than Chernobyl and Fukushima together. How many deaths have been attributed to Fukushima? Just one worker who died of a heart attack. How many deaths do we have to thank for the green organic madness? More than 2000 contaminated by health stores and organic sprouts, about 1000 of them with irreparable brain and kidney damage, and 21 dead.

2. That biogas plants are much more dangerous than nuclear reactors. An atomic reactor can contaminate a 30 km area around it, max. The multiresistant bacteria that breed in biogas plants can wipe out all of humanity.

No power to the green organic plague!”

I hope alex300 is feeling better now. I sure do. For now.

Was haben wir aus der Biokrise gelernt?

1. Die grünen Biobauer können viel mehr schaden anrichten als Tschernobyl und  Fukushima zusammen. Wie viele Tote hat Fukushima verschuldet? Nur einen Arbeiter, der an einem Herzinfarkt verstarb. Wie viele Tote haben wir dank dem grünen Biowahn? Mehr als 2000 verseuchten durch Reformhäuser und Biosprossen, ca. 1000 mit irreparablen Hirn- und Nierenschäden und 21 Toten.

2. Die Biogasanlagen sind wesentlich gefährlicher als die AKWs. Ein AKW kann maximal 30 km Umgebung gefährlich verseuchen. Die multiresistenten Bakterien, die in Biogasanlagen brüten, können die ganze Menschheit auslöschen.

Keine Macht der grünen Bioseuche!

Germans To End Opposition To New Overhead Power Lines Overnight

June 1, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

As reported earlier, in order to avoid stunting the growth in Europe’s largest economy after its decision to shut down nuclear power forever, Germany must now carry out a massive expansion of it’s electricity-delivery network.

The overhead power lines which will be necessary to connect new offshore wind farms in the north to the factory-rich south and to allow the high-volume energy transfer from French nuclear reactors to cover the shortfall as Germany phases out its own reactors (they only provide a mere 23 percent of the country’s current energy demand) are, however, “unsightly and yucky,” as all Germans know. And they will also probably cause cancer, too (the next DANGER, but that will be another story later, guaranteed).

Fortunately for the German nation, it’s altruistic, selfless citizens have spontaneously decided to sacrifice their own petty personal concerns and grievences in regard to these power lines and win one for the collective common good by immediately ending all opposition to the construction of said yucky power lines and promising to never ever bitch or moan about them ever again, honest.

And if you believe that you can build your overhead power line on some prime Florida swamp land I’ve got for sale for you right here.

A grid upgrade is essential, and Germans must end their opposition to new power lines overhead, energy economics professor Christoph Weber said.

Organic Cucumber Phase-Out Recommended

May 27, 2011 By in Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

As if Switzerland’s announcement of a plan to follow Germany down the path toward a nuclear phase-out had not been shocking enough (other nervous European countries are now most certainly to follow), the alarming outbreak of enterohemorrhagic Escherichia coli (EHEC) in Germany traced to organic cucumbers grown in Spain has led to wide-spread calls for an organic cumumber phase-out as well.

“We now know that organic cucumbers are more deadly than Fukushima,” said one highly concerned Brussels bureaucrat. “This incident has opened our eyes to the total helplessness of organic cucumber operators, I mean growers, everywhere. We Europeans can no longer deny that an accident of this magnitude is indeed possible so it only stands to reason that the only way to deal with a crisis like this is to stop eating organic cucumbers altogether.”

PS: Thanks for the Hinweis, Ole Phat Stu.

Green Eggs and Ham

April 18, 2011 By in Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

Particularly nervous about this, that and the other thing these past few weeks, Germans are now being frightened by their very own Easter eggs.

Greenpeace eggtivists have determined that up to 20 percent of eggs sold in Germany have been contaminated with the dreaded and deadly genetically modified “herbicide tolerant soja bean” or so-called “Gen-Soja” chicken feed. You know, the chickens that lay the eggs eat this scourge of chickenkind first?

Green Germans have reacted accordingly and have now begun to have their chickens produce organically correct and green (literally green) eggs instead.

Sam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E

March 24, 2011 By in Helections, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Becomes final today. Me and little Sar-ko-sy will be goin’ away…

So much for France and Germany as the inseparable couple at the heart of Europe.

The issue here is not direct German military participation. Everyone would have understood if that was not possible. But how could Germany not support a UN resolution backed by its principal European partners, the United States and the Arab League?

Like so many contemporary European politicians, they (in the German government) follow rather than lead public opinion.

“We calculated the risk. If we see that three days after this intervention began, the Arab League already criticises [it], I think we had good reasons.” While French and British pilots risk their lives in action, the German foreign minister is virtually encouraging the Arab League to make further criticism.

Latest Angst Update:
++ Ticker Ticker++Several German container shipping companies have stopped going to eastern Japanese ports including Tokyo for the time being amid fears of radiation++ Ticker Ticker ++Fukushima radiation detected in Germany!!!

And thanks for this cool Angst Republic link, A.K.

Fossil Fools

March 21, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

In Japan, we have seen mighty tectonic shifts, with tragic effects. In Germany, teutonic plates have been swirling around uncontrollably, and the country has undergone a nuclear U-turn at the hand of Angela Merkel, the normally iconically-cool Chancellor.

But now for something completely different: German energy puns.

Boy I tell ya, when it comes to shutting down nuclear power plants these Germans really know what’s watt.

I just heard all the German nuclear physicists have gone fission.

I guy I talked to says that now that they’ve shut down all these nuclear plants they’re gonna re-fuse to start them back up again.

Green? Why Germans are so green these days that they’ve resorted to planting light bulbs. They want to see if power plants will grow.

You know why wind power is so popular in this country? It has a lot of fans.

You know what they are going to call a power failure here pretty soon, don’t you? A current event.

I ran into this silly old German Green the other day. Man, talk about a fossil fool.

During the past week, the Germans have not set a good example, casting away logic and apparently deciding future energy policy on the basis of an emotional spasm rather than a clearly-thought out strategy.

Talk about coming right (I mean, left) out of left field!

January 6, 2011 By in Habitudes, History, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , 4 Comments

OH MAA GAAAWD! Who would have ever in a zillion years expected a shocking Bekenntnis (confession) like this?

Sit down immediately and take your chill pills if you got ’em. Left Party Head Honcho of the East Gesine Lötzsch, of all people, has announced in the marxist (go look it up yourself) daily Junge Welt that she actually kind of sort of leans a bit toward communism at times if not always has and always will. She said, among other things: “We can only find the paths to communism if we go down these paths and try them out.”

And here is where I obviously missed something yet again, I guess. I never would have expected an acknowledgement like this from her in a zillion years either, but only because I was under the distinct impression that being a communist was one of the basic requirements for joining the Left Party in the first place.

No, but seriously, folks. Is this really supposed to be a news item or something?

“Wären morgen die Voraussetzungen dafür gegeben, die Linke hätte keinerlei Skrupel, wie nach 1945 die Demokratie zu nutzen, um sie erneut abzuschaffen.“

This pig didn’t have any pig

November 28, 2010 By in Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

One of my favorite German idioms is “having pig” (Schwein gehabt) = got lucky. But this little piggy had none.

Normally quite Tierlieb (kind to animals), Germans verstehen kein spaß (can’t take a joke) when people, or in this case pigs, start rooting around in their butcher’s shops, in broad daylight, frightening customers and taking employees hostage and stuff like that.

So this Wildschwein (wild boar) got the Wild West treatment and was, well, butchered at the butcher’s shop–bang, bang, bang!

Personally, I find this “under all sow” (unter aller Sau) = beneath contempt. I mean, all he was doing was “letting the sow out” (die Sau rauslassen) = painting the town.

“Das stattliche Tier war geradewegs in eine Metzgerei hineinspaziert und hatte das Personal und eine Kundin in Angst und Schrecken versetzt.”

Natural factors?

November 1, 2010 By in Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , 9 Comments

Yeah, sure. This kind of thing happens here in Germany all the time. Talk about your Loch (hole) Ness Monster.

Authorities in a place called Schmalkalden (itself a bit of hole, I guess) say that this big honking 98-foot-deep-mega-crater that just caved in out of nowhere today and ate somebody’s car and who the hell knows what else was caused by natural factors rather than bad industrial things like mining or whatever so don’t worry because it’s a “bio-hole” or something and therefore good for you so everything’s OK people and just keep on moving along (in big, concentric circles), nothing to see here.

“Luther said residents were lucky not to have been hurt.”

Der Stein des Anstoßes

September 27, 2010 By in Habitudes, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , 3 Comments

The stone (as in bone) of contention here actually is a stein this time. You know, those one-liter beer steins they use down there at the Oktoberfest? And the party must really be hopping this year. Attacks with beer steins are way up.

There have been 32 injuries so far, but it looks like the party just got started.

And it’s like sooo international. A Frenchman threw his stein into a group of Italians. The Italians then took their steins and charged the French and one of them ended up in the hospital with a fractured skull. In an unrelated incident, another Frenchmen took out an Austrian. A Serb tossed his beer stein behind him and conked his neighbor in the head. A Canadian got slammed in the head with a stein and the stein actually broke (the Canadian survived). And I guess they don’t even bother to report about all the German stein attack incidents.

Damn. This gives “getting mugged” a whole new meaning.

The large turnout at this year’s festival, brought on by warm weather and the commemoration of its 200th anniversary, could be responsible for the increase in beer stein attacks (of course the large turnout of beer might be responsible too).