Category Archives: Hysteria

Help me man I’m sick

July 28, 2010 By in Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Or more sick than I was ten or twenty years ago, I mean.

That Germans are stark raving psycho schizophrenic wacko types is understood and all well and good, but now they’re getting all these psychological and emotional stress related mental health disorders too. Or at least a whole lot more than they used to get. For crying out loud.

Or at least that’s what this latest hospital report link thingy up there says. Four out of five of the most commonly practiced hospital therapies in Germany have to do with mental disorders these days. Nobody knows why this is, of course, although some suspect it might have to do with the fact that being depressed (or talking about being depressed) isn’t taboo anymore. Like how depressing is that?

“Während 1990 nur etwa jeder zwölfte Behandlungstag unter der Hauptdiagnose von psychischen Störungen erfasst wurde, waren es 2009 gut ein Sechstel aller Behandlungstage.”

Berlin police not allowed to film peaceful demonstrations

July 27, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

“There is no legal basis for filming peaceful demonstrators in Berlin,” a German administrative court spokesman said today, referring to a practice carried out by cops here for several years now.

“Besides, it’s only worth filming them once they start throwing rocks and stuff anyway.”

The judges said the recordings were an inadmissible breach of basic assembly rights, as they could scare people (without rocks?) away from public gatherings.

Count this!

July 16, 2010 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Unless it’s number one, Germans hate to be counted. They just don’t like it. It “injures their private sphere” or something, whatever that is.

That’s why a bunch of activist types are out to stop the census that’s finally supposed to take place here next year. They’ve even put together a huge list of signatures of citizens against the census but they can’t say how many it is because they refuse to count them.

And this brings us back to number one again. These guys are clearly striving to be counted number one when it comes to being the one country on earth that hasn’t taken a census the longest. The last one taken here was way back in 1987. Germany is now tied with other uncountable countries like Eritrea, Myanmar and the Congo. But they don’t count, so-to-speak. Or not after Germany’s number one, they won’t. And you can count on that.

1987, das ist schon lange her – zumindest im internationalen Vergleich.

Women and elephants and…

June 28, 2010 By in History, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Fußball fans never forget.

“Some (Germans) have even got religious about it, praising the god of football for handing down divine justice in the form of a blatant referee error that robbed England of a crystal-clear goal on Sunday. At last, commentators say, Germany has been avenged for 1966, when England had a goal wrongly allowed in the legendary World Cup final at London’s Wembley stadium, which England won 4:2.”

Of Rabbits and Women

June 16, 2010 By in Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I knew Germans were a nervous bunch and all, but geez. A German teacher has accused one of her German schoolgirl high schools pupils, as in before court, of drawing rabbits on the blackboard and telling fellow pupils that she (the teacher) was afraid of rabbits and would flip out just seeing one.

The teacher denied this, of course, then flipped out anyway and hasn’t been back to work since.

It’s about the principle of it all or something. Or was it the principal?

Die Deutsch- und Erdkundelehrerin hatte bereits 2008 eine andere Schülerin wegen der gleichen Sache verklagt.

Germans can’t hear own screaming

June 14, 2010 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

For cryin’ out loud. German Fußball viewers everywhere were mad as hell at all that obnoxious vuvuzela noise drowning out their own even more obnoxious German screaming and blowing up stuff sounds as Germany beat the vuvuzela out of Australia last night.

Television channels here even received complaints thinking the noise was due to some technical problem. Which it is, I guess. It’s technically a technology that works way too well.

“Vuvuzelas belong to South African football like battle songs belong to German games.”

Remember when climate change conferences used to be exciting?

June 11, 2010 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

What happened to the all the panic, recriminations and chaos? Nobody seemed to have even noticed this last one in Bonn. This latest climate conference, I mean.

I remember when this used to be a life or death matter. Now it’s just a deathly boring one. Now we even have to find “reasons to be cheerful about climate change talks.”

Hearing that type of thing certainly cheers me up. And I just can’t wait for the next climate change conference to come around. So I won’t.

“It also remained unclear if the document would be accepted as an official negotiating text for further talks leading up to the U.N. climate summit in Cancun, Mexico, at the end of this year.”