SPD: If we throw him out then this will solve Germany’s integration problems

September 14, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Party Line, Political correctness, Satire, SPD 2 Comments

This is quite a bold and particularly stupid move on the part of the SPD, but hey, somebody over there has got to do it, I guess.

Normally more than ready, willing and able to follow the slightest whims and moods of potential voters (this being one of the main reasons so many of their voters have abandoned them and put them in the unspeakably bad position they are in), the Brain Police wing of the SPD lack-of-leadership will now go ahead and expel their all too outspoken commrade Thilo Sarazzin for expressing controvsial views about Germany’s Muslim immigrant community that a large majority of the German population shares (I happen to believe that this majority is actually much larger than most Germans think or will admit to, by the way, but maybe that’s just me).

Das ist gut so (and that’s a good thing too) because the SPD was actually showing signs of life as of late and even getting cocky and picking up in the polls in recent weeks (there’s nowhere to go but up when you’re on the bottom) but now they’ve gotten tired of patting themselves on their collective back(s), so there we have it. It’s time to head back down to the Keller again and rest their collective arm(s) a bit or something.

“Wir können in der SPD nicht alles dulden.”

Get your latest angst here!

September 9, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Economy, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 1 Comment

Oh boy, another German angst study just came out. But nobody is brave enough to read it yet so I’ll have to give you a quick summary instead.

There is a certain logic to these studies, by the way. There always is, although it may not seem all that logical to you or to me.

For instance, after having patted themselves on the back over the past few weeks about how great the German economy is doing, it only stands to reason (here) that the latest number one German angst has to do with just that; the economy. Some 67 percent of Germans asked are shaking in their boots about it – and worry about the climbing cost of living at the same time. A mere 61 percent of those asked worry about becoming unemployed.

But it’s only going to get more frightening, folks. A group of economic experts has just revised their growth prediction for the Germany economy this year upwards fron 2.1 to 3.4 percent. Boo!

Wie andere Experten haben die Kieler ihre Schätzung für 2010 deutlich erhöht. Bisher hatten sie für 2010 nur 2,1 Prozent Wachstum veranschlagt, nun erwarten sie ein Plus von 3,4 Prozent.

“Germany does not back down…

September 8, 2010 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Cartoons, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Islam, Islamists, Satire, Westergaard Leave a comment

in the face of threats from Islamist fanatics.” That’s strange, I thought they did that kind of thing all the time.

Anyways, Angela Merkel will be speaking tonight at the M100 Media Prize award ceremony in which Danish cartoonist Kurt Westergaard will be honored.

You know, for freedom of the press or something like that? That’s right, this is the guy who drew some cartoons a few years back that offended Muslims worldwide because they, well, actually, I still don’t really see why. But maybe that’s just me.

And now, five years later, the Chancellor of Germany, “by having her photo taken next to Kurt Westergaard,” will be taking “a huge risk.” Hey, no risk no fun, right?

“Die Auszeichnung Westergaards ist in dieser aufgeladenen und erhitzten Zeit hochproblematisch.”

At least it wasn’t communist pornography

September 7, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Pornography, Satire 1 Comment

This has got to be the most insidious commi plot yet, or even ever. The German Communist Party in Essen (yes, it actually still exists) handed out pens to six-year-old kids that can project erotic images of women on walls and, well, I dunno, all over. And like, they even did it by accident.

Damn. I remember being pretty excited on my first day at school and all that but this really takes the cake, or Kuchen, if you prefer.

This truly is shocking and obscene. No, not the part about the pens so much (German sex ed starts really early over here anyway), I mean that the German Communist Party was allowed to hand out anything to six-year-old kids like that in the first place.

“The German Communist Party deeply regrets what has happened and is outraged that this kind of thing, which borders on pornography, can be purchased in normal shops.”

So like sack me already

September 5, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Sarrazin, Satire Leave a comment

Fire Thilo Sarrazin if you want to, but don’t be surprised if he calls on Angela Merkel to be a star witness during his next political show trial.

“If German President Christian Wulff approves his sacking in the next few days, the decision would be overturned by the justice system.”

“The president will have to consider carefully whether he wants to see this political show trial to its end, and then see his decision thrown out by the courts.”

“This is a big problem and we can talk about it openly, without arousing suspicions of xenophobia.” Hmm, so let’s not talk (or do anything about) it, right?

Before and after

August 29, 2010 By Hermann Observer in History, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Obama, Satire, Tea Party 1 Comment

Same newspaper, same issue, same photographer. Only this story…

is about the ultra-conservative religious and rassist Tea Party wacko right attacking our (as in Germany’s) President Obama himself.

And this one…

meanders around a bit before coming to the stunning conclusion that this grass-roots conservative movement is much more diverse and multilayered (and larger) than European observers have perceived it to be up until now.

Funny how newspapers can be like that, online or not. Maybe it was a slow news day. But was that second article absolutely necessary? That kind of stuff only confuses folks once they’ve read the first article, well, first.

Die gibt es natürlich darunter, doch das konservative Sammelbecken ist vielschichtiger als man in Europa bisweilen wahrnimmt.

I like this guy

August 23, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Islam, Religion, Satire, Terror 1 Comment

He’s so… German. You know, so provocative? I mean so Besserwisser-like (know-it-all) provocative? And in this case it’s all the more provocative because he’s provoking other Germans. You may not agree with everything this guy has to say, but it’s hard not to like someone who so clearly bends over backwards to be poltitically incorrect. And this is somebody from the SPD, mind you.

German Central Bank board member and former Berlin finance boss Thilo Sarrazin is now bringing out a book called “Germany is Abolishing Itself” in which, among other things, he warns of foreign infiltration/domination in Deutschland (wow, that’s a new one) – only this time of the Muslim kind. Yikes. The International Jewish Conspiracy is an established fact. But now the freakin’ Muslims are moving in? Like, I had no idea.

Die reine Lust an der Provokation treibe ihn zu „immer fragwürdigeren und menschenverachtenden Aussagen.“

If Google won’t get you, Facebook will

August 19, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Facebook, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Satire Leave a comment

Just when Germany thought it was finally getting Google under control (sort of), freakin’ Facebook comes along with a brand new service that will be able to locate mobile Facebook Germans faster than you can say hide-and-seek.

Of course Facebook Places users would have to want to use this service first and sign up for it and all that, but what’s that got to do with it? It’s the principle of the matter – I think.

After all, even if German Facebook users would want to be found by others they shouldn’t be allowed to be, because… Well, should they? What happens then?

This is really starting to get diabolical, I tell you. I think it’s the Brain Police.

Die Frage “Wo bist du?” wird man wohl künftig immer seltener hören.

Street View II

August 11, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Satire, Street-View 11 Comments

Or 2.0? The saga continues. Pack your canned goods and potable water, Germany. Street View is coming doch (after all).

But this time you don’t have to worry about lack of privacy and criminal abuse and all that stuff. This time it’s going to be a German kinda Street View thang.

Not only will the faces of individuals and license plates and street addresses be blurred out, German Street View is going to blurr out the houses and the streets, entire neighborhoods, cities, mountains, lakes and streams and other prominent geographical landmarks including some of our planet’s smaller oceans too – but they were kind of blurry to begin with anyway, so there.

People can also ask to have images of their homes removed from the database starting next week – a move aimed at dispelling privacy fears.

The weatherman’s out!

August 2, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Justice, Satire 2 Comments

And he’s guilty until proven guilty. Lock your doors already.

They’re going at him big time too, although everything you read about the ex-girfriend’s allegations of rape sounds pretty, uh, flaky at best. And I hate weathermen too. Man oh man, this one’s going to go on forever.

“Wir nehmen gerade die Hauptverhandlung vorweg.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hysteria