Half Of German Army Resigns

Over 400 German soldiers have filed applications for resignation from the country’s armed forces, leaving the other half to fend for itself all on its own.

Bundeswehr

Combat situations are often revelatory moments in which the risk of a soldier’s career – of killing or being killed is often realized for the first time and then experienced in its full scope,” said a Left party Bundeswehr expert when interviewed about the matter.

“That the German army doesn’t ever experience any combat situations like ever at all (as in NEVER) is the really mysterious thing behind all of this,” said another unnamed expert who wasn’t even being interviewed. Or even asked, for that matter. Nor will he ever be, as far as I can figure.

Seit Mitte 2014 wollten 62 Soldatinnen und 407 Soldaten aus Gewissensgründen entlassen werden.

Bundeswehr To Become Even More Effeminate

Who would have thought that? Only eleven percent of German troops are currently women. This must change, of course.

Women

German Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen, herself one of the eleven percent, has decided that in the medium-term, the percentage of women currently not doing anything that other soldiers in other armies do (some call it combat) must be increased to 20 percent.

The reason behind this appears to be that by effectively reducing the combat strength of an army, this will effectively increase the combat strength of an army. Not your own army or anything, but still.

The inglorious Bundeswehr: The German army was never meant to function on its own. Now it barely functions at all.

Elf Prozent der Truppe ist derzeit weiblich. Verteidigungsministerin Ursula von der Leyen will diesen Wert verbessern und ruft ein neues Ziel aus: “Auf mittlere Sicht” soll der Frauenanteil auf 20 Prozent steigen.

German Women Lousy Combat Soldiers But Still Hot

A survey conducted among German men soldiers in the Bundeswehr has revealed that 34 percent of them do not believe that German women soldiers are up to life in the field. 52 percent say that women cannot physically carry out the demanding duties required of them. A third of the men asked believe that women in these positions have led to a reduction of something they refer to as “combat strength.”

Women

So maybe that’s why fifty-five percent of women in the Bundeswehr have reported some kind of sexual mistreatment on the job, with 47 percent citing verbal abuse, 25 percent saying they had been confronted with pornographic images and 24 percent telling researchers they had experienced “unwanted sexually motivated physical contact.”

But wait a minute here. That line up there about German combat strength just doesn’t fly. The real question here, if you ask me, is what does the Bundeswehr even need combat soldiers for in the first place? The Bundeswehr doesn’t “do” combat as all the world knows that Germans are pacifists and combat is strictly verboten.

Das Leben im Feld? Dem seien die Frauen nicht gewachsen, sagten 34 Prozent (2005: 28 Prozent). Körperlich anspruchsvolle Aufgaben? Die könnten Frauen nicht ausfüllen, sagen inzwischen 52 Prozent (2005: 44 Prozent). Über ein Drittel der Männer beklagt inzwischen durch Frauen den Verlust der Kampfkraft.

Bundeswehr Protesting Koran Burning Now, Too

In a sharp response to the pure unadulterated fear caused them by the deadly protests now taking place in Afghanistan after the inadvertent burning of copies of the Koran by a US soldier…

The German military has decided to join in the protests itself by rapidly deploying the closure of one of their bases in the north of the country and having their soldiers hightail it in the opposite direction really schnell like where they can run around in sheer panic and large concentric circles not knowing what to do next while screaming oh my God we are all going to die or something to that effect. The few, the proud, the Bundeswehr.

The base would have been shuttered in March, but officials worried its security could not be maintained in the face of the demonstrations.