Tag Archives: Humor
Puns escalating
In a dramatic turn of events (not), England has launced a surprise pun offensive (next not) shortly before Sunday’s all-important World Cup death match between England and Germany. OK, OK. Sudden death match.
Whether the headline reads “Germans wurst at penalties” or “Das boot is on the other foot”, ill will toward the German opponant is spreading throughout England’s green and pleasant land like wild fire, guaranteeing a wonderful time for all.
There are a number of good reasons why the English love to hate the Germans when it comes to football, of course, but what really fuels the rivalry is, well, is the fact that Germany has always been more successful at the game (OK, at least when it comes to winning matches against England).
As for the Germans: “Although they tolerate the gung-ho English reaction, they are always slightly confused, even bemused, by it. It all stems from the fact the English view is stuck in a bit of a time warp.”
Quite true I’m sure, but if you don’t think the Germans aren’t living in their own little private Idaho time warp buddy, just come over and spend a little time here.
Anyway, may the best team win. Or lose, je nach dem (whatever the case may be).
How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
And the winner is…
If you DON’T want to know who’s going to win the World Cup mega-match between England and Germany this Sunday, then DON’T watch this video.
Paul has so far correctly predicted all of Germany’s results in South Africa.
Tod und Verklärung
Death and transfiguration, although glorification is probably the more accurate term. Nothing new here, folks. Just move along now and go about your business.
Death as in the GDR, of course, as in dead as a doornail, long, long ago. Transfiguration/glorification as in the twenty-five percent of East Germans (or Germans of the East, if you prefer) that still thinks old communist Germany wasn’t such a bad place to live after all.
This wouldn’t be so bad if these were all just old communists thinking this, of course, but that’s clearly not the case.
Eine Studie der Linkspartei.
Germans go home!
Back home to the German Mark, I mean.
Zillbillionquadrillionaire rich dude George Soros has warned that Germany’s drastic plans to drastically slash its budget over the next four years is like, well, way too drastic and could even lead to the collapse of the euro – some seven hundred and eighty-seven zillbillionquadrillion of these already his own.
“Right now the Germans are dragging their neighbors into deflation,” he said. “Which threatens a long phase of stagnation.” And this is a real abomination. Across the nation.
“If the Germans don’t change their policy, their exit from the currency union would be helpful to the rest of Europe.”
So there we have it. I think.
“Wenn die Deutschen ihre Politik nicht ändern, wäre ihr Austritt aus der Währungsunion für den Rest Europas hilfreich.”
Germans in drag
OK, fine. But in Pakistan?
A German national terrorist type wearing a burqa got busted by Pakistani security forces while trying to sneak through a security check post in northwestern Pakistan.
Worse still, he was also wearing one of those loud and annoying German World Cup flag jerseys and antler sets everybody’s wearing around here these days – or he might as well have been.
The German was wearing a full-body sewing cloth that Muslim women wear for cultural and religious reasons.
Dear Angela…
Stop all this austerity and savings crap and start burning up some euros already.
Yours truly,
Obama
Merkel’s savings measures, touted as Germany’s biggest austerity drive since World War Two, aim to deliver savings of 11.2 billion euros next year and lower a deficit set to exceed five per cent of gross domestic product (GDP) this year, according to an official draft of the plan.
Glück muss man haben
Ya gotta have luck (no, not that old GDR gameshow).
Seven crew and passengers were injured when a DC3 “raisin bomber” that takes tourists on flights commemorating the Berlin Airlift had to make an emergency landing on a street leading to a construction site at Berlin’s Schoenefeld airport.
„Wir waren vielleicht 15 Meter über dem Boden, da fing das linke Propeller-Triebwerk zu stottern an.“
It’s Selbstzerfleischung time again!
Everything goes from one extreme to the other here, that’s just what Germans do.
Selbstzerfleischung means something like self-destructive criticism and with German Fußball it goes like this: Just a few hours ago, what seemed like the entire German nation gathered together at public and less public viewing locales everywhere to watch their team beat Serbia mit links (with the left hand – hands down). They won’t necessarily admit that this is what they were thinking but this is precisely what they were.
Then they lost for some reason. So now it goes back the other way: The entire German nation is now down on the same team they were so confident in a few hours back for being the biggest bunch of losers they’ve ever seen since the last time they saw them lose – although it was a different set of losers then – only now they admit openly that they were thinking this would happen all along.
Then come the reasons why they lost, and they are legion. Blah, blah, blah. Everybody knows why afterward, and the venom gets on everything. It’s a real mess and practically impossible to get out unless you use Ariel at 60 Grad, twice.
But they’re trying this time, the Germans. I must say that they’re doing their best to spread the blame around a little more unfairly, as best they can, although the way they’re spreading it isn’t all that terribly original: They’re blaming the referee this time too.
“Der Schiedsrichter ist auch nur ein Mensch – aber kein guter.”
Observing Hermann 