Tag Archives: Humor

Germans endangered by time change again

March 26, 2010 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

What a difference an hour makes. If you’re German, that is.

German sleep researchers are concerned, some might even say downright nervous about the coming daylight savings time change here.

The German biological time system being much more sensitive than say, uh, everybody else’s out there, pushing back/forward the clock just a mere hour can be an extremely stressfull undertaking here and can even lead to untimely German heart attacks. Or could. Maybe. Maybe not though, too. Hard to say for sure.

Doesn’t anybody care? Other than not me, I mean?

“Richtig gewöhnen wir uns daran nie.”

When weathermen go bad

March 24, 2010 By in Habeas Corpus Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Weather he’s guilty or not…

Popular German weatherman Joerg Kachelmann was arrested in Frankfurt after his long-standing girlfriend claimed that he had forced sexual relations with her after an argument, something he denies vehemently.

But other than that, Kachelmann reports that it’s going to remain generally warm and even a bit humid in the next few days, especially for him, with a mild chance of rain and thunder showers, which he’ll miss, should they happen, him being in jail and all.

“Without wishing to prejudice legal proceedings, we regard it as unthinkable that the accusations could be correct.”

More Internet Angst

March 21, 2010 By in Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Germany is still not the “digital society” some of you might assume it must be.

An organization called Initiative D21 just broke down Germany’s predominantly technophobic Internet angst population into several angst making groups:

The “digital outsiders”, 35% of the population, are actually frightened by computers and refuse to touch them.

The “occasional users” with 30% will actually use Internet technology from time to time but don’t ask them to work with it regularly or deal with things like Excel (I feel their pain about Excel, I must say).

The “digital pros” with 12% gladly work with Excel and even do PowerPoint, although I wouldn’t know why they would want to.

“Trend users” go further and even build websites and spend why too much time online – on the couch.

Then there’s the “digital avant-garde”, 3% of the population, the real sick puppy techno Internet freak types.

Personally, I don’t know what’s more worrisome; the first or the last group.

Die Deutschen sind immer noch Internet-Muffel

Pakistan ist eben anders

March 19, 2010 By in Hate, History Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Pakistan is just different, you know. Than Germany, I mean.

I was at a the hairdresser, an elderly man who doesn’t resort to electric clippers. All he has is a creaky pair of scissors, a comb and aerosol with water. He did a neat job bit I wasn’t entirely happy.

I said: “I look like Hitler.”

He looked at me in the mirror, gave a satisfied smile and said: “Yes, yes, very nice.”

In the Islamic world, not just in Pakistan but right across from Iran to northern Africa, anti-Semitic sentiment of course plays a role.

The spy(s) who came down with a cold

March 18, 2010 By in Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Actually, it’s their currency that has a cold at the moment.

Germany’s Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble told the Bundestag on March 16 that the country may have to consider ordering “intelligence agencies to set up surveillance of who is getting together with whom for which kinds of speculative processes, and where” to protect the euro.

Unprepared and unwilling, understand?

March 16, 2010 By in Habitudes, Helplessness Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Now we know why the Bundeswehr is unprepared for combat. It’s because the Bundeswehr is unprepared for combat (we already knew that they were unwilling).

But at least now it’s official or something. The being unprepared part, I mean. So that way nobody has to feel bad about it or anything, I guess.

Germany’s parliamentary commissioner for the armed forces criticized the country’s support of its soldiers, saying the Bundeswehr lacked the most basic necessities for its missions abroad.

Ein Bombengeschäft

March 15, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

A bomb of a business, a roaring trade, a gold mine. And the same procedure as every year.

“Germany Now World’s Third Largest Arms Exporter.” Now? Been that way for years, folks. Get used to it already.

Pacifists. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

“When it comes to arms exports, few will be surprised that the US tops the list.”