Tag Archives: Police

This Just In: Germans Drive Too Fast

October 25, 2012 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

During something they’re now calling a Blitz-Marathon (speed trap marathon), some 4000 German police caught some 30,000 German speeders during a large-scale 24-hour, well, speed trap marathon.

338 of these speed freaks were driving so fast that they are now facing a driving ban.

Germans everywhere are nevertheless empört (indignant) about this sneaky police campaign, however, because… Because, uh… Well, because Germans everywhere drive too fast. That’s just what they do.

Der schnellste Raser sei auf der Autobahn bei Düsseldorf mit 176 statt der erlaubten 60 Stundenkilometer erwischt worden.

Berlin police not allowed to film peaceful demonstrations

July 27, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

“There is no legal basis for filming peaceful demonstrators in Berlin,” a German administrative court spokesman said today, referring to a practice carried out by cops here for several years now.

“Besides, it’s only worth filming them once they start throwing rocks and stuff anyway.”

The judges said the recordings were an inadmissible breach of basic assembly rights, as they could scare people (without rocks?) away from public gatherings.

Germans and their torture instruments

March 17, 2010 By in Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Not only are Germans good at exporting expensive weapon systems, they’re also top-notch torture instrument exporters.

Or at least that’s what Amnesty International thinks they are. Of course Amnesty International also thinks that cold spinach is a torture instrument. Having to eat it, I mean. Which I guess it is, come to think of it. But still.

Nur sieben europäische Länder halten sich dem Amnesty Bericht zufolge an ihre Verpflichtung, Exporte derartiger Gegenstände öffentlich zu machen.

Too hot in Afghanistan right now

February 18, 2010 By in Helplessness, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Ich kann so nicht arbeiten! I just can’t work under these conditions!

This just keeps getting better, people. Now even Northern Afghanistan is too dangerous for the Germans. Too dangerous to train Afghan police, that is. I mean it’s not like anybody’s taking part in any of the fighting going on down south at the moment or anything.

SPD Politicians are serously proposing that the few police trainers Germany is currently utilizing to train Afghan police (wow, they’re actually going to increase that number from 120 to 150) do the training in a more peaceful working environment. Up here in Germany, that is.

Taliban attacks in Germany are acceptably low at the moment and will allow German police trainers to concentrate more fully on their work and maybe even actually start getting a few Afghans through their rigorously thorough and near-never-ending training program. Already.

Angesichts der Sicherheitslage am Hindukusch wird diskutiert, wie die Arbeit der deutschen Polizisten mit der größtmöglichen Sicherheit ablaufen kann.