German Of The Day: Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung

That’s a beauty, isn’t it? Some prefer using the word Tempolimit instead. To save time. Both mean “speed limit,” however. And no, it can’t happen here.

Speed

A measure to introduce a 130 km/h (roughly 81 mph) speed limit on the network of motorways that has crisscrossed the country since the ‘30s was introduced by the German Green Party was rejected on Thursday by a majority of Bundestag members. Germany is currently the only country in Europe with stretches of unrestricted motorways, with neighboring countries conforming at the very least to the 130 km/h limit similar to the one proposed.

Bundestag lehnt Tempolimit auf Autobahnen ab.

German Of The Day: Tempolimit

That means speed limit.

Speed Limit

Odd, yesterday we dealt with getting caught in traffic jams in a country that doesn’t have any speed limits (on parts of the Autobahn) and now it’s time to introduce such speed limits in the same country? At least that’s what the commission National Platform for the Future of Mobility is proposing, whatever that is. Look, these drivers aren’t going anywhere now as it is. How will reducing their speed get them nowhere any safer? Oh, it’s about CO2 again. I should have known.

Limit the maximum speed on the German Autobahn to 130 km/h? This could lead to another revolution, folks. And it probably won’t be a bloodless one this time.

Kommission ist sich der Brisanz bewusst – Noch ist es nur ein Entwurf, doch die Ideen der Kommission “Nationale Plattform Zukunft der Mobilität” haben es in sich. Sie sollen den CO2-Ausstoß bis 2030 um die Hälfte senken.

German Of The Day: Stau

That means traffic jam. And there were 745,000 thousand of them last year on Germany’s highways, folks. A new German record.

Stau

Experts have calculated that if you were to place all these traffic jammed automobiles bumper to bumper it would give you a stretch of automobiles having a total length of 1.5 million kilometers. That wouldn’t do you any good, though. You’d still be in a Stau.

So please remember this the next time someone raves about being able to drive as fast as you want on parts of the German Autobahn. That’s true, of course, but it will invariably be on the parts of the German Autobahn with traffic jams on them..

Die Fahrzeuge standen auf einer Gesamtlänge von rund 1,5 Millionen Kilometern.

German Of The Day: Tagesschnellsten

That means the fastest of the day.

License

It took an eighteen-year-old kid from North Rhine Westphalia a mere 49 minutes to lose his brand now driver’s license. Thrilled by the thrill of it all, I suppose, he and some buds got caught by the cops doing 95 in a 50 kmh zone. Now that he’s had his driver’s license revoked he also gets to pay a big fine and go back to his driving school again for some more expensive retraining. At least he’s earned a lasting reputation with his friends (and everybody else who’s ever known him) for not being the fastest. When it comes to being fast, I mean.

Mit im Auto saßen den Angaben zufolge vier Freunde des 18-Jährigen. Die Polizei bezeichnete ihn in einer Pressemitteilung ironisch als “Tagesschnellsten”.

Germany Wants Code Of Ethics For Driverless Cars?

Why? What a complete waste of time and money. Driverless cars could only be more ethical than the ones with drivers in them. At least here they would be.

Car

Here are just a few of the new ethical rules self-driving cars are going to have to follow once they are introduced in Germany:

1. No tailgating any closer than six inches while you’re doing 180 or higher on the Autobahn.

2. No pointing repeatedly to your non-existent head screaming at the top of your non-existent lungs about what a bunch of insufferable idiots all these other cars with drivers in them are.

3. No fist fighting over parking spaces because you don’t have any fists, you big dummy. Just run over the guy and that space is yours.

4. In “dilemma situations” when a crash is imminent, do not prioritize a human’s potential worth based on age, gender, race, physical attributes or political affiliation as all humans are equally worthless in the end.

5. If a collision is unavoidable be sure to have a little fun on your way out by making it a really, really big collision. Any human who survives is going to win in court anyway.

“All humans are considered equal for the poruposes of harm minimisation.”

This Is News?

Germans found to be Europe’s most aggressive drivers

Driving

Tailgating, shouting insults – nowhere in Europe do drivers react as intensely as they do in Germany, a recent study shows.

Two out of three (67%) admitted to using offensive gestures, and verbal abuse, to insult other drivers.

More than one-third (34%) said they purposefully follow close behind, or otherwise annoy drivers, in order to intimidate them.

PS: Oddity 125. Fun German Games you didn’t know you were participating in: Tailgate Tag. Germans love to drive up to within just a few inches behind the slower moving cars on the left lane of the autobahn and bully them over to the right.

Opening The Self-Driving Vehicle Autobahn Test Stretch Will Be Easy

Designing the self-driving German vehicles to operate on them will be a completely different matter, however.

Autobahn

Just think of the programming issues involved:

1) They must all be programmed to travel at a safe speed (no less than 250 kph).

2) Each vehicle must always hog the left lane, continually flash its headlights and always have the right of way.

3) Programming the three-inches-away-from-the-bumper tailgaiting function for one vehicle will be a piece of cake but how are you going to get all the other self-driving vehicles out there to do this simultaneously?

4) Giving each other the finger (the German bird) will also be a real challenge as no one will be in the damned car.

5) And what about when these vehicles reach their final destination? How can you possibly program each one to insist on taking the same parking space?

The stretch on the A9 autobahn — which links Munich and Berlin — is supposed to give the industry the opportunity to “test and optimize new innovations in an adapted infrastructure that offers data connections and measuring tools,” a ministry spokesman said. No official launch date has been announced.

This Just In: Germans Drive Too Fast

During something they’re now calling a Blitz-Marathon (speed trap marathon), some 4000 German police caught some 30,000 German speeders during a large-scale 24-hour, well, speed trap marathon.

338 of these speed freaks were driving so fast that they are now facing a driving ban.

Germans everywhere are nevertheless empört (indignant) about this sneaky police campaign, however, because… Because, uh… Well, because Germans everywhere drive too fast. That’s just what they do.

Der schnellste Raser sei auf der Autobahn bei Düsseldorf mit 176 statt der erlaubten 60 Stundenkilometer erwischt worden.