Tag Archives: Satire

Courage? In German Politics?

June 3, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

In US politics, rhetoric is an art form, leading to vigorous debate and vibrant political life. Not so in Germany, where fear and faintheartedness have resulted in a lack of vision and a shortage of personality.

Political peer pressure has spawned a military-like obedience. When did those at the top begin perceiving the individuality of those rising behind them as a threat? In Berlin, vagueness is seen as the perfect position, hedging as a tactical necessity and clear positions as hazardous.

A similarly noxious development is taking place in the world of journalism. Americans use the phrase “24/7” — a state of constant breathlessness — in reference to the modern news cycle. The online media (not exclusively, but more so than others) contribute to a tabloidization of political journalism by using the sort of pointed emphasis designed to generate more page views from readers… And its effects are as likely to promote hysteria as in Germany. 

German (Carbon) Footprints in The Sand

June 2, 2011 By in Heconomy, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

What are we cheering about again? (This is another one of those Green Shirt terror posts.)

In a democracy, you can say A, but you can also say B, just as you can rely on the assumption that nothing has to last forever. Everything can be changed, amended, courses reversed. In short, the very life and soul of democracy is that there are always other options.

Germany’s federal government is now abusing that basic rule in a scandalous way. There can be no doubt that the country needs to be looking at a smart mix of different energy sources for the future, and that developing viable alternatives to atomic power is an urgent necessity. Yet the manner in which the federal government has rushed to its decision to put a definitive stop to the use of nuclear energy by 2022 runs counter to all rules of democratic procedure. It began when, for politically motivated and tactical reasons alone, the government went back on the agreement made last fall — just seven months ago — to extend the life span of nuclear power plants. After the Japanese plant Fukushima began leaking radiation, it felt compelled to cede to public pressure by making a rapid move away from atomic power. Backtracking in the blink of an eye, the government moved so quickly partly out of fear of the Greens, and entirely without discussion or reflection.

… Germany has shown no respect for the energy policies of other E.U. countries, and particularly no trace of consideration for the East-West split that exists in Europe over nuclear power. Instead, Germany has chosen to go it alone on this issue, assuming a kind of avant-garde, “moral high ground” role that is not always going to play well elsewhere.

Die Bundesnetzagentur schlägt Alarm: Wegen des Atomausstiegs befürchtet die Behörde bereits in der kommenden Woche zu Pfingsten Schwierigkeiten beim Stromtransport.

PS: And lest we forget…

Germans To End Opposition To New Overhead Power Lines Overnight

June 1, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

As reported earlier, in order to avoid stunting the growth in Europe’s largest economy after its decision to shut down nuclear power forever, Germany must now carry out a massive expansion of it’s electricity-delivery network.

The overhead power lines which will be necessary to connect new offshore wind farms in the north to the factory-rich south and to allow the high-volume energy transfer from French nuclear reactors to cover the shortfall as Germany phases out its own reactors (they only provide a mere 23 percent of the country’s current energy demand) are, however, “unsightly and yucky,” as all Germans know. And they will also probably cause cancer, too (the next DANGER, but that will be another story later, guaranteed).

Fortunately for the German nation, it’s altruistic, selfless citizens have spontaneously decided to sacrifice their own petty personal concerns and grievences in regard to these power lines and win one for the collective common good by immediately ending all opposition to the construction of said yucky power lines and promising to never ever bitch or moan about them ever again, honest.

And if you believe that you can build your overhead power line on some prime Florida swamp land I’ve got for sale for you right here.

A grid upgrade is essential, and Germans must end their opposition to new power lines overhead, energy economics professor Christoph Weber said.

Cukes, Kooks and Nukes

June 1, 2011 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

I tell you, DANGER is everywhere you look these days. If it’s not deadly organic cucumbers (sorry, Spain, we didn’t mean to ruin your cucumber industry with a false alarm like that, no hard feelings, OK?), it’s freakin’ Ikea alarm clock attacks by “The Easily-Broken Kids Room Furniture Liberation Army” in the Benelux (thanks, Joe).

And then of course there’s the ongoing, ever-growing radiation alarms after the Japan Nuclear Crisis in, uh, London and New York.

Stop the world I want to get off or something.

“Whatever the radiation in Tokyo at the moment, you can be fairly sure it is lower than natural background levels in many parts of the world.”

My Big Fat Greek Bailout II

May 31, 2011 By in Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Certainly not back by populist demand, the German government now seems prepared to stop the bitching and moaning long enough to support funding for the sequel to the first Greek Bailout box office flop and enable the EU to wrap up a second package of aid loans to help a struggling Greece or, to be more exact, the German banks that are now terribly exposed to a possible default there.

“Germany is considering dropping its push for an early rescheduling of Greek bonds in order to facilitate a new package of aid loans for Greece, according to people familiar with the matter. Berlin’s concession that it must lend Greece more money, even without burden-sharing by bondholders in the short term, would help Europe overcome its impasse over Greece’s funding needs before the indebted country runs out of cash in mid-July.”

But if you want any popcorn, you’re going to have to bring it yourself.

Größter Garant der griechischen Zahlungsfähigkeit nach dem IWF mit 30 Mrd. ist Deutschland mit 22,4 Mrd.

More Green Shirt Activity

May 30, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helections, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

See? I told ya.

Greenpeace activists climbed on top of Berlin’s Brandenburg Gate yesterday to demand a speedy end to the use of atomic energy (by 2015).

I guess 2022 just ain’t speedy enough.

“Every day of Green terror is one day too many (my translation).”

PS: The best part about the article was the Google ad I saw next to it: “Price check for 900 electicity providers: Compare prices and save money today!”

Tyrannischer Tugendstaat Deutschland

May 29, 2011 By in Helections, History, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I’m tellin’ y’all, the Green Shirts are taking over here. Don’t say later that you hadn’t been warned. It’s just what the Germans ordered, or wanted all along: A new Tyrannical German State of Goodness and Niceness.* And don’t think it isn’t coming because we all know it is.

Now that the only German party that even pretended to want to give its citizen’s the freedom to choose has shot itself in the foot and will most likely bleed to death (the FDP, the anti-Greens), now that the tsunami in Japan has carried the Greens in Germany to major Volkspartei status, good green intentions will soon begin paving the way to hell in a big way and there is not a thing any of you out there can do about it.

Germans were never able to stomach Liberalismus in the first place (I don’t mean liberalism as in being “left,” I mean liberalism as in advocating the freedom of the individual) and now that the latest advocates of politically correct collectivism have ridden into town to guide their constituents down the proper party path (“I’m from the government and I’m here to help”),  everything is going to be alright because, well, we say it is and all are thrilled about the thrilling changes about to appear on the Green horizon.

Some examples of things to come: Now a “traffic light” sticker will be introduced at German restaurants, for instance. This will let potential visitors know (by using the pretty colors green, yellow and red) just how good the hygienic condition of the restaurant they were about to visit might have been. More anti-smoking, women’s quotas, anti-discrimination laws, better waste separation and stricter speed limit laws are soon to follow, along with the solar energy, eco-power and electro cars that will need to be more heavily subsidised because, well, they are the only solution (the final solution?) and that’s why they have to be heavily subsidised, not to mention the host of other environmental protection measures that haven’t even been thought up yet (did I mention the part about shutting down all nuclear power plants?). Laws, laws, laws. It’s not that these are just any old laws however, every state makes laws, these are laws designed to make Germans better Germans, just like the Greens meant them to be. Kontrolle ist besser. Father knows best. I mean Mother does.

This is a great leap forward for Nanny State-kind, in other words. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more nanny-like, too. Liberalism was yesterday, dude. Actually, no. Come to think of it, it has never been tried here yet. But still.

And the reason why it’s never been tried here? “Liberalism knows that what is good in society does not come about through good intention and central planning but through the competition of ideas and their agents.”

“Der Begriff Wachstum ist überholt. Wir brauchen eine neue Größe, die Auskunft darüber gibt, ob das Wachstum auch die Wohlfahrt erhöht.” Eine Bestimmung der Lebensqualität, des zufriedenen Bürgerbefindens, als Maßstab für die ökonomische und gesellschaftliche Entwicklung?

* Read the Zeit article Verschont uns! by Jan Ross (page 10, Die Zeit number 22) on which this post is based. And take a look at Hexenverbrennung on the same page while you’re at it (it’s about retro-feminist terror). Sorry, couldn’t find the links.

PS: Thanks for the Hexenverbrennung link, Indeterminacy.

Organic Cucumber Phase-Out Recommended

May 27, 2011 By in Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

As if Switzerland’s announcement of a plan to follow Germany down the path toward a nuclear phase-out had not been shocking enough (other nervous European countries are now most certainly to follow), the alarming outbreak of enterohemorrhagic Escherichia coli (EHEC) in Germany traced to organic cucumbers grown in Spain has led to wide-spread calls for an organic cumumber phase-out as well.

“We now know that organic cucumbers are more deadly than Fukushima,” said one highly concerned Brussels bureaucrat. “This incident has opened our eyes to the total helplessness of organic cucumber operators, I mean growers, everywhere. We Europeans can no longer deny that an accident of this magnitude is indeed possible so it only stands to reason that the only way to deal with a crisis like this is to stop eating organic cucumbers altogether.”

PS: Thanks for the Hinweis, Ole Phat Stu.

Germans Go Home!

May 26, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

“To Save the Euro, Germany has to Quit the Euro Zone”

“When the euro was launched, leading German politicians used to argue, with evident relish (and much to the chagrin of the British in particular), that monetary union would eventually require political union. The Greek crisis was precisely the sort of event that was expected to force the pace. But, faced with a defining crisis, Ms Merkel’s government is avoiding airy talk of political union – preferring instead to force harsh economic medicine down the throats of the reluctant Greeks, Irish, Portuguese and Spanish electorates. This is becoming both economically and politically unsustainable. If the objective is to save the currency union, perhaps policy makers are looking at this from the wrong end. In the end, paradoxically, to save the European Monetary Union, the least disruptive way forward would be for the Germans, not the periphery countries, to leave.”

And in a related story…

Everything must go! The Greek government is selling everything it still has its debt-ridden little fingers on so guess who is now interested in buying Athens International Airport? Fraport AG (Frankfurt Airport).

Left-Wing Extremists Attack Berlin S-Bahn System, Nobody Notices

May 25, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Long used to irregular service, missing trains and outages and shortages of every conceivable kind, tens of thousands of Berlin commuters failed to notice that they were the innocent victims of a vicious left-wing extremist arson attack yesterday.

Huge sections of the Berlin S-Bahn system (some here call it the Stress-Bahn) were disrupted on Monday after a left-wing group set a fire at the Ostkreuz station that caused utter chaos, as usual. In a communiqué issued by the group, they expressed their hope that the attack would be a valuable contribution to the valiant fight against nuclear power (in other countries I assume, as Germany has already capitulated here), militarism and racism, although not necessarily in that order.

“This is absoulutely shocking,” one stunned commuter noted. “I should have known something was up when I actually made it to work thirty minutes earlier than usual. The terrorist bastards.”

Police in Berlin have recently made some progress in fighting left-wing extremism, with the number of arson attacks on cars attributed to anarchists down to 54 in 2010 from 145 a year earlier.