Fifteen Will Get You Eight And A Half In Germany

Which is really more like three or four, but still. German math is einfach kompliziert (simply complicated). The German justice system is pretty straightforward, though.

Mia

A German court has sentenced a migrant to eight and a half years for murdering his 15-year-old ex-girlfriend.

Abdul D, believed to be Afghan, admitted stabbing Mia V in December in the south-western town of Kandel.

Prosecutors believe he acted out of jealousy and revenge after Mia, a German citizen, broke up with him…

The accused said he was 15 at the time of the crime but an expert medical assessment ordered by prosecutors said that he was more likely to be between 17 and 20 years old.

 „Mein Mandant verzichtet auf Rechtsmittel und ist mit dem Strafmaß einverstanden.”

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German Of The Day: Ordnung Muss Sein

That means order must prevail. And prevail it does in Germany, sort of.

Ordnung

This stuff just keeps getting weirder. The recent deportation of Osama bin Laden’s bodyguard and suspected jihadist Sami A. to Tunesia has now been ruled illegal because a last minute fax blocking the decision to deport him was received only after the plane carrying him off to Tunesia had already taken off and this led a higher German court to now order him to be brought back to Germany where he will eventually be deported back to Tunesia again but only after this orderly German deportation process has been carried out in a thoroughly orderly German fashion. I feel like I’m in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest here sometimes, people.

A higher court in the western German state of North Rhine-Westphalia has ordered the city of Bochum to bring back Sami A., a suspected former bodyguard for Osama bin Laden, who was deported to his native Tunisia last month.

Bochum can appeal the decision in Germany’s top constitutional court in Karlsruhe. But an appeal is not likely to delay the return of the suspect.

Maybe the Tunisians might come through here, though. They are bound to be a little more advanced in matters of jurisprudence.

“The process here in Tunisia is still ongoing, so he has no ID to travel with.”

German Of The Day: Unfassbar

That means unfathomable. As in it being unfathomable” to set free someone who helped the hijackers who seized Flight 11 and Flight 175 out of Boston, launching the War on Terror.

Terror

Mounir el-Motassadeq — who paid tuition and rent for the al-Qaeda killers while they plotted in Hamburg — is being deported back to his native Morocco early. He was sentenced in 2006 to 15 years, but is being given credit for time served, German’s Bild newspaper reported Thursday. He was jailed in November 2001.

“He was found guilty of 246 counts of accessory to murder — one for each of the passengers who died on all the four hijacked flights that day. It’s shocking he only got 15 years and this sends the message the cost of human life is cheap in Germany.”

Das Hanseatische Oberlandesgericht (OLG) hatte Motassadeq wegen Beihilfe zum Mord in 246 Fällen und Mitgliedschaft in einer terroristischen Vereinigung verurteilt.

A Life Sentence?

Nice try. A life sentence in Germany means fifteen years.

Shameful

This is rather, well, lasch, don’t you think? That means feeble, listless, lame. And shameful, too.

An asylum seeker has been jailed for life for the rape and murder of a woman in Germany in a case that fuelled tensions over the influx of migrants.

Hussein Khavari, who claimed to be Afghan, admitted to attacking student Maria Ladenburger, 19, in October 2016 in the south-western city of Freiburg.

After his arrest, it emerged that he had already been convicted to 10 years in jail in Greece in 2014 for attempted murder after pushing a woman off a cliff. But he was freed in October 2015 due to overcrowded prisons.

He fled via Austria to Germany, where he arrived with no documents a month later, claiming he was 17 years old… But during the trial evidence emerged suggesting that he was in fact from Iran and could be as old as 32.

Ein Urteil, das die Gesellschaft stabilisiert.

Fly The Friendly Skies

But not with Jew. I mean, you.

Kuwait

A court in the German city of Frankfurt ruled on Thursday that Kuwait Airways was within its rights to refuse to transport an Israeli because of their citizenship.

In its judgement, the court said it was “not reasonable” for the airline to transport a person if doing so risked severe legal consequences for its employees in Kuwait.

Kuwaiti law prohibits companies from doing business with Israelis.

Damn. Here come da judge. Just a little clarification here: This was a court in Germany today, in the year 2017. Not that you’re thinking it was one of those other kind of German courts from back in the day.

Die Airline darf israelischen Staatsbürgern die Beförderung verweigern. Das hat das Landgericht Frankfurt entschieden.

German Of The Day: Gleichberechtigung

That means equality, emancipation, equal status.

Gleichberechtigung

You know, like with prison personnel? Although that’s not quite what this female correctional facility employee got as she accompanied a sex offender during his accompanied prison leave. She got sexually abused instead, before the guy hung himself.

Let women staff accompany convicted sex offenders on the outside? Why, uh, of course. You got to go with the times, bro. Only an outdated primitive like myself would think that maybe that might not be such a terribly good idea.

Wie konnte es zu der schrecklichen Tat in Niedersachsen kommen? Warum musste ausgerechnet eine Frau den verurteilten Triebtäter begleiten?

German Of The Day: Netzwerkdurchsetzungsgesetz

That means… Beats the hell out of me. I think it means something like Internet Enforcement Law.

Mass

At any rate, it’s this really clever new law pushed through by German Justice Minister Heiko Mass (SPD) – a particularly lame duck because his party is now history after last week’s election – that forces Internet companies like Facebook to remove “obviously illegal” posts (whatever that means) within 24 hour or pay big fines. This takes care of “hate speech” forever, see? Brilliant.

Of course it will also take care of a lot of posts that will have nothing at all to do with hate speech but will be blocked anyway by these companies. Just in case, you know?

Free speech ist not quite as free as it used to be in Germany. But it’s worth it, right?

Kritiker bemängeln, dass die Rechtsdurchsetzung in private Hände gelegt wird, und sie fürchten ein “Overblocking“: Die Betreiber könnten im Zweifel lieber zu viele Inhalte entfernen, um nicht mit dem NetzDG in Konflikt zu geraten. Dadurch gerate die Meinungsfreiheit in Gefahr.

 

More Government In Action

Here’s how this one works.

Tax

Step 1: The German government invents a new tax back in 2011 (before Fukushima even) making German energy utilities pay the government for using the nuclear fuel rods they already use.

Step 2: The utilities raise the price of energy they produce directly after that so the German consumer covers this arbitrary government interference.

Step 3: The German supreme court now rules that this tax is unconstitutional (you can’t just make up taxes that don’t have a constitutional basis, not even in Germany) and that the German government must now pay back the six billion euros (with interest) it took from these utilities.

Step 4 (still to come): The utilities will not compensate the German consumer nor reduce the price increases it passed on to them for having had to pay for this illegal German government tax.

Step 5 (still to come): The German government has already spent the six billion euros, of course, so it will need to round up that money from somewhere else.

Step 6 (just a question): Who do you think the German government is going to get this money from?

The system is rund (round), as the German say. And it works perfectly, as usual.

Der Gesetzgeber, so die Begründung, kann nicht irgendwelche Steuern erfinden, sondern nur solche einführen, die im Grundgesetz vorgesehen sind.

German Of The Day: Schweinefurz

That means pig fart. And pig farts are super hilarious here in Germany (Hey, German humor is what it is. I’m not passing judgement here or anything).

Pig farts

Unless, of course, they are directed toward foreign heads of state, so-to-speak.

A German court upheld  ban on a satirical poem which suggested Turkey’s president had sex with animals and watched child porn. The Hamburg court upheld its injunction issued in May banning re-publication of parts of the poem which it called ‘abusive and defamatory’.

A lamb or a llama fart probably probably wouldn’t have been all that bad in this guy’s poem, but pig fart? That just doesn’t cut it (Cut it, get it?).

Schweinefurz“ ist für Erdogan besonders ehrverletzend.

At Least It’s Not A Life Sentence

Or lebenslänglich*, as the Germans like to call it. It’s only 169 years.

Life

Or could be. For Volkswagen managers who get arrested in US-Amerika, I mean.

A U.S. judge on Thursday ordered a Volkswagen executive charged in the Justice Department’s diesel emissions investigation held without bail pending trial. Oliver Schmidt was arrested Saturday at Miami’s International Airport as he planned to fly home after a vacation. He was one of six current and former VW executives charged this week in U.S. District Court in Detroit. The other five are in Germany and are unlikely to be extradited…

Schmidt is charged with eleven felony counts, which could be punished by up to 169 years in prison, the government said.

VW-Manager drohen bis zu 169 Jahre Gefängnis

* There is no such think as a life sentence in Germany, by the way. A life sentence is 15 years here.