Category Archives: Habitudes

Minority Report

July 14, 2010 By in Habitudes, Helections, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Toleration?

Here’s how you form coalition governments if you’re the SPD in North Rhine-Westphalia (they’ve done this before): First of all, don’t win the election. Then, form a minority government with the Greens which is “tolerated” by the Left Party.


 
And here’s how the toleration part works: The Left Party quietly qets a whole lot more of what it wants than what it deserves by discretely making agreements with the coaltion partners behind the scenes while boldly threatening to stop its toleration and thus them (the coalition partners) dead in their tracks. Then, in one or two or however many years it takes, the voters get grossed out about the policies they didn’t really support or vote for in the first place, hold the coaltion partners accountable for the mess, vote them out, and the Left Party comes strolling out of the mess and into the opposition smelling like a rose. You know, as in “We weren’t in the government!”

Run with it, Hannelore.

Ministerpräsidentin mit Makel

Live a little!

July 11, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

If you want to. But you don’t want to, so you won’t. Despite a falling inflation rate and all the coaxing from the outside you want, Germans “can’t get over their stingy ways and fiscal paranoia to boost spending” (they don’t seem to mind if everybody else out there does the spending for them though).

“Germany seems to be preparing instead to further cut back on spending. Unlike most Americans, Germans pay their credit card bills in full at the end of every month. Only 39% own their own houses or apartments, compared with two-thirds of Britons and Americans. Only about 10% of Germans invest in the stock market, compared with half of all Americans.

Last year, Germany expanded public spending meant to stimulate growth, but at the same time it imposed a constitutional requirement to bring the deficit down to below 0.35% of GDP by 2016, a goal critics describe as unrealistic and unnecessary.

All of this contributes to the impression, shared by Germans themselves, that a strong strain of frugality shapes the national psyche.”

Oh, another German crocodile

July 5, 2010 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

You know, like this one.

Or this one.

Or maybe this one here.

Don’t ask. Germans are always finding crocodiles in their rivers and lakes that aren’t actually there. It’s just what they do. You know, an annual ritual kind of thing. Usually in the summer. When it’s hot. Kinda like it is now.

Daraufhin machte sich die Polizei mit dem Boot auf die Suche nach den Echsen. Ohne Ergebnis.

Why doesn’t anybody want to become German?

June 29, 2010 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the Germans don’t want them to become German.

What a surprise again (not). Fewer and fewer migrant types are interested in becoming German citizens and this is, well, shocking or something – and bound to make most Germans who hear about it happy as larks.

Just the other day they had a great story in the news which was swiftly swept under the rug (I thought it was practical joke again); a group of German politicians suggested giving IQ tests to those interested in becoming German citizens. Makes a lot of sense. If you stop and think about it for a second, I mean. Pitiful. And funny as hell at the same time.

“Böhning hat das Gefühl, dass das Einwandern erschwert werden solle.”

Puns escalating

June 26, 2010 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

In a dramatic turn of events (not), England has launced a surprise pun offensive (next not) shortly before Sunday’s all-important World Cup death match between England and Germany. OK, OK. Sudden death match.

Whether the headline reads “Germans wurst at penalties” or “Das boot is on the other foot”, ill will toward the German opponant is spreading throughout England’s green and pleasant land like wild fire, guaranteeing a wonderful time for all.

There are a number of good reasons why the English love to hate the Germans when it comes to football, of course, but what really fuels the rivalry is, well, is the fact that Germany has always been more successful at the game (OK, at least when it comes to winning matches against England).

As for the Germans: “Although they tolerate the gung-ho English reaction, they are always slightly confused, even bemused, by it. It all stems from the fact the English view is stuck in a bit of a time warp.”

Quite true I’m sure, but if you don’t think the Germans aren’t living in their own little private Idaho time warp buddy, just come over and spend a little time here.

Anyway, may the best team win. Or lose, je nach dem (whatever the case may be).

How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.

It’s Selbstzerfleischung time again!

June 18, 2010 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Everything goes from one extreme to the other here, that’s just what Germans do.

Selbstzerfleischung means something like self-destructive criticism and with German Fußball it goes like this: Just a few hours ago, what seemed like the entire German nation gathered together at public and less public viewing locales everywhere to watch their team beat Serbia mit links (with the left hand – hands down). They won’t necessarily admit that this is what they were thinking but this is precisely what they were.

Then they lost for some reason. So now it goes back the other way: The entire German nation is now down on the same team they were so confident in a few hours back for being the biggest bunch of losers they’ve ever seen since the last time they saw them lose – although it was a different set of losers then – only now they admit openly that they were thinking this would happen all along.

Then come the reasons why they lost, and they are legion. Blah, blah, blah. Everybody knows why afterward, and the venom gets on everything. It’s a real mess and practically impossible to get out unless you use Ariel at 60 Grad, twice.

But they’re trying this time, the Germans. I must say that they’re doing their best to spread the blame around a little more unfairly, as best they can, although the way they’re spreading it isn’t all that terribly original: They’re blaming the referee this time too.

“Der Schiedsrichter ist auch nur ein Mensch – aber kein guter.”

Athletes are dumb

June 15, 2010 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, History Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

We knew that already, right? But sports commentators can be pretty dumb too, you know.

Nobody knows what this lady was thinking when she said it, least of all herself I’m sure, but after Germany’s Miroslav Klose shot this beautiful goal against Australia the other night (and ended a long dry spell everybody had been ragging him about), she said “That’s a real inner Reichsparteitag (Nuremberg Rally) for Miroslav Klose, that he scores a goal like that here today.”

Huh? That’s a new one for me – although it’s clearly not a new one for a bunch of other folks around here. Dict.cc just told me that it’s an idiom meaning “a feeling of deep satisfaction over the outcome of something.” Oh. That makes it, uh, better, I guess.

“Es war eine sprachliche Entgleisung im Eifer der Halbzeitpause.”

Work, work, work…

June 10, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

While watching World Cup at work, work, work.

You got to set your priorities, I guess. And when it comes to the soccer (some say football) World Cup starting this weekend, Germans have clearly set theirs. Even the head of the national employers’ association believes his countrymen should be allowed to watch the World Cup on television at work without getting into trouble with their superiors.

This is a sensible thing to say, I think, because they’re going to be watching it one way or the other anyway.

“Watching soccer together encourages team cohesion and staff motivation.”