Germans To End Opposition To New Overhead Power Lines Overnight

As reported earlier, in order to avoid stunting the growth in Europe’s largest economy after its decision to shut down nuclear power forever, Germany must now carry out a massive expansion of it’s electricity-delivery network.

The overhead power lines which will be necessary to connect new offshore wind farms in the north to the factory-rich south and to allow the high-volume energy transfer from French nuclear reactors to cover the shortfall as Germany phases out its own reactors (they only provide a mere 23 percent of the country’s current energy demand) are, however, “unsightly and yucky,” as all Germans know. And they will also probably cause cancer, too (the next DANGER, but that will be another story later, guaranteed).

Fortunately for the German nation, it’s altruistic, selfless citizens have spontaneously decided to sacrifice their own petty personal concerns and grievences in regard to these power lines and win one for the collective common good by immediately ending all opposition to the construction of said yucky power lines and promising to never ever bitch or moan about them ever again, honest.

And if you believe that you can build your overhead power line on some prime Florida swamp land I’ve got for sale for you right here.

A grid upgrade is essential, and Germans must end their opposition to new power lines overhead, energy economics professor Christoph Weber said.

Germans Go Home!

“To Save the Euro, Germany has to Quit the Euro Zone

“When the euro was launched, leading German politicians used to argue, with evident relish (and much to the chagrin of the British in particular), that monetary union would eventually require political union. The Greek crisis was precisely the sort of event that was expected to force the pace. But, faced with a defining crisis, Ms Merkel’s government is avoiding airy talk of political union – preferring instead to force harsh economic medicine down the throats of the reluctant Greeks, Irish, Portuguese and Spanish electorates. This is becoming both economically and politically unsustainable. If the objective is to save the currency union, perhaps policy makers are looking at this from the wrong end. In the end, paradoxically, to save the European Monetary Union, the least disruptive way forward would be for the Germans, not the periphery countries, to leave.”

And in a related story…

Everything must go! The Greek government is selling everything it still has its debt-ridden little fingers on so guess who is now interested in buying Athens International Airport? Fraport AG (Frankfurt Airport).

Left-Wing Extremists Attack Berlin S-Bahn System, Nobody Notices

Long used to irregular service, missing trains and outages and shortages of every conceivable kind, tens of thousands of Berlin commuters failed to notice that they were the innocent victims of a vicious left-wing extremist arson attack yesterday.

Huge sections of the Berlin S-Bahn system (some here call it the Stress-Bahn) were disrupted on Monday after a left-wing group set a fire at the Ostkreuz station that caused utter chaos, as usual. In a communiqué issued by the group, they expressed their hope that the attack would be a valuable contribution to the valiant fight against nuclear power (in other countries I assume, as Germany has already capitulated here), militarism and racism, although not necessarily in that order.

“This is absoulutely shocking,” one stunned commuter noted. “I should have known something was up when I actually made it to work thirty minutes earlier than usual. The terrorist bastards.”

Police in Berlin have recently made some progress in fighting left-wing extremism, with the number of arson attacks on cars attributed to anarchists down to 54 in 2010 from 145 a year earlier.

No Rubber Stamp Here

This isn’t Animal House, you know.

Clearly shocked by the Northwestern University sex-toy-in-human-sexuality-class-incident in US-Amerika, German Bundestag President Norbert Lammert just isn’t going to take any chances and has banned the sale of condoms in parliament here (they sold them in the cigarette machines–uh, can they buy condoms in Congress too?).

Just in case German parliamentarians get any weird ideas or something, I guess. And I’d rather not think about that if you don’t mind so I support this guy 100%.

Students watched as a naked 25-year-old woman was penetrated by a sex toy.”

“Wann geht es denn endlich los?”

Anarchists these days. Like where’s the action already?

Scores of riot tourists in Berlin and Hamburg are now demanding their money back after violent clashes between anarchist hot heads and the Polizei failed to materialize last night.

“And this is supposed to be unbridled chaos?” asked one disappointed Berlin visitor. “I’ve seen more action at a funeral parlor. We’ve been waiting around here half the night and not a single Benz is burning. Anywhere. Berlin is poor but sexy, huh? Well it’s boring too.”

Sehr zum Unmut vieler Schaulustiger bleibt es dann an diesem Abend im Schanzenviertel weitgehend ruhig. Bei Bier und Cocktails warten sie darauf, dass Autonome sich mit der Polizei anlegen. “Wann geht es denn endlich los”, fragt ein Mädchen in engen Jeans und braunen Lederstiefeln ihren Begleiter im Polohemd. Eine Digitalkamera baumelt an ihrem Handgelenk.

No good NIMBY-pamby protesters!

Are we having an energy revolution yet?

Although there is a long way to go before construction can begin on the high-voltage transmission lines, the “regional resistance” that the experts colored on their map has already begun to materialize.

There are obstacles everywhere. Either the landscape is so densely populated that it is poorly suited for big infrastructure projects, or it is so devoid of people that it should be preserved precisely for this reason.

The tactics of the power-line opponents are simple and perfectly understandable. The more arguments that can be presented against the project, the more likely it is that the future route will run further away from one’s own community and closer to the neighboring village instead.

Fortunately for the opponents, German law offers plenty of ways to keep the power masts at a good distance.

Saving birds and bats from the power lines, protecting gliders, a festival of bureaucracy. It’s all here, people.

Massive German Kiss-Up Offensive Underway

And we’re talking offensive, folks. In a too-little-too-late attempt to make amends for breaking ranks with its allies and refusing to support the United Nations Security Council resolution authorizing military action in Libya, Germany has now begun a surprise kiss-up campaign by actively publishing unflattering photos of Libyan strongman Muammar Gaddafi.

Degrading reports about botched plastic surgury operations performed on Gaddafi are also making the rounds.

But it doesn’t just stop there. Someone the Germans are referring to as Agent 008 has also been sent to Tripolis to see about establishing a ceasefire.

And as if that weren’t enough already, Germany also says that it is now prepared to let its troops take part in Libya “to help provide humanitarian aid to Libyan civilians” (if the United Nations asks the European Union please, pretty please). You know, that old we’re-the-good-soldiers-who-do-the-good-things trick of theirs?

The policy shift, announced by Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle on Thursday night, reflects disarray in Germany’s strategy but an awareness that its standing among its allies was damaged when Mr. Westerwelle told the country’s ambassador to the United Nations to abstain from the vote.

What’s the big deal?

The Germans always wheel and deal like this.

German Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle not only personally brought back two German hostages to Berlin after personally meeting with El Presidente Iranian Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in February, he and other German government officials personally saw to it that the German central bank personally provide assistance to India in an oil deal with Iran as payoff for the hostage release. Nothing personal.

So deal with it already.

The sources say the German government approved the Bundesbank’s help in the Iranian-Indian transaction in exchange for the release of the two prisoners.

If German men could only be more like American women…

Political men, I mean. And military women.

Sie hat 4000 Flugstunden absolviert, lenkte die Präsidentenmaschine “Air Force One” und servierte an Thanksgiving Truthahn auf dem Stützpunkt Ramstein: Margaret Woodward kommandiert die US-Kampfjets über Libyen – die erste Frau, die einen Luftkrieg koordiniert.

German Gaijin Just Don’t Get It

How could they?

Here are some lines from a report by a Spiegel journalist who, being a product of his Umwelt (environment), obviously can’t understand what is going on with these peculiar, “fatalistic” Japanese who have the audacity to show courage in the face of disaster.

There is little evidence of panic.

There is not a single person protesting on the streets in the entire city (Tokyo).

Japanese fireman Nakamura Junichiro: “It was not my choice, but I wanted to go there. This is the most difficult hour for Japan. It was my duty.”

“The tsunami represents a good opportunity to cleanse this greed (the egoism the elder speaker believes his fellow Japanese have succombed to), and one we must avail ourselves of.”

The destructive forces of nature, writes Asia expert Ian Buruma, are “to a certain extent part of Japanese culture.” This creates fertile ground for a Japanese fatalism that has developed throughout history and culminates in the expression “shikata ga nai,” meaning “it can’t be helped.” A further product is the widespread belief that nothing beautiful on Earth is permanent and that the Japanese people must close ranks in times of national disaster.

Those who seek to wait it out in Osaka must be gaijin — a non-Japanese or outsider. Someone who doesn’t understand that now, more than ever, every cog in the wheel counts. Someone who shirks his responsibility while a hero like fireman Nakamura Junichiro risks his life to cool down the reactors in Fukushima.