“I’m smarter than Bill Gates”

And I’m bigger, too (maybe bigger than two or three of them). But I’m in jail now, which isn’t all that smart, although it smarts my pride, which is at least as big as I am.

Hey, what’s a little copyright infringement, money laundering and racketeering on a massive scale these days? Ain’t no big deal, says German hacker millionaire/thief and self-proclaimed god Kim Dotcom (don’t ask, it’s an old German name or something). “You’ll never get me alive, coppers!” he also said, locking himself in his panic room. But then they got him after all. And now, if found guilty in the US of A, he could get up to 20 years in jail.

But that’s not the worst of it. After they arrested him they did the most worstest and awfulest thing you could ever do to a German ever: They impounded his cars.

Many of the cars had vanity licence plates, including a Rolls-Royce Phantom bearing “GOD”, an AMG Mercedes carrying “HACKER”, and another labelled “MAFIA”. 

Neidgesellschaft

This is a German word meaning a society based on envy (Germany, in other words).

A 27-year-old Berliner told police that being unemployed and in debt led him to set 67 cars alight over three months.

Damn. This guy must have been one of those 99% out there, if you know what I’m sayin’. If you follow their thinking to his logical conclusion, I mean.

“I’ve got debts, my life stinks and others with fancy cars are better off and they deserve this.”

 “Er fand, dass es vielen Menschen besser ging als ihm.”

PS: Speaking of Wall Street, sort of… What’s the real problem with Wall Street? “When you subsidize recklessness, you unsurprisingly get a lot more of it.”

Legalistic Republic Deutschland

Outraged Germans everywhere are demanding to know why the German state of Bavaria is admittedly using spyware in at least five investigations (all judicially approved) to gather evidence on suspected drug dealers, dopers, Internet criminals and fencing suspects.

“This is completely unacceptable,” one enraged civil liberties activist said. “What will this lead to next? The next thing you know they’ll be using programs like these to gather evidence on suspected rapists, child molesters, murderers and terrorists.”

Bei den Verfahren in München, Landshut, Nürnberg und Augsburg ging es um Doping, Drogen, Hehlerei und eine Bande von Internet-Betrügern, die geschätzt 80.000 bis 120.000 Menschen um eine Summe von insgesamt 10 bis 30 Millionen Euro geprellt haben soll.

Victimized Vandals

This is Gutmensch (do-gooder) schizophrenia vom Feinsten (at its best): It’s the “rampant gentrification and social exclusion” that’s causing all of these arson attacks in Berlin these days, man. These arsonists are the victims, you see.

I always figured it was out-of-towners who were/are the real culprits behind these crimes (in this case, uh, tourists?). Well, at least this might actually become an election issue now. Some Berliners actually seem to be pissed off about having their cars ignited in the night.

“Berliners can be happy that Wowereit (Berlin’s SPD mayor) is in the middle of an election campaign. Otherwise he would treat the car owners (with the same blithe indifference) that he showed to the Berlin pensioners who broke their bones falling on snow and ice in the sloppily managed capital during the winter. … Wowereit typically reacts with flippancy on such occasions, deflecting criticism of his deficient policies with snappy slogans such as (his famous description of Berlin as) ‘poor but sexy.’ He cannot afford such flippancy now.”

“But he is still coming up with such comments, for example saying that, in a big city, the police can not be everywhere at the same time. He speaks as if that would be any different in a small town, as if that is the crucial factor and as if crime can only be fought if a city is transformed into a police state. But the fight against crime begins elsewhere. At least Wowereit is honest when he says: ‘We are sort of floundering around in the dark.’ That could turn into the soundbite of this campaign.”

“Now I’m going to talk!”

What, you (or your lawyers) didn’t talk during the trial?

It’s cash in, I mean payback time for Claudia D., I guess. She’s telling all or something, now that the celebrity weatherman she accused of having raped her has been acquitted.

No DNA was found on the knife allegedly used in the incident, the origin of a bruise on the woman’s leg remained unclear, and it was shown that the woman had lied about a detail of the incident.

„Ich bin mit dem Freispruch nicht einverstanden.“

Fake fakes not the original fakes

Konrad Kujau is the only original in this story, folks. Remember him? He’s the forger who authored those hilarious Hitler Diaries way back when. You know, the ones with the wrong initials on the cover?

Anyway, a woman in Dresden claiming to be his great niece has topped him, sort of, by having been given a two-year suspended sentence for forging his (the forger’s) signature on forgeries of masterpieces that weren’t forged by him (they were Asian import forgeries) and then selling them for the genuine amount of €300,000.

Though clearly marked as fakes, Kujau’s newfound fame meant that people were willing to pay up to €3,500 for his work.

The weatherman’s out!

And he’s guilty until proven guilty. Lock your doors already.

They’re going at him big time too, although everything you read about the ex-girfriend’s allegations of rape sounds pretty, uh, flaky at best. And I hate weathermen too. Man oh man, this one’s going to go on forever.

“Wir nehmen gerade die Hauptverhandlung vorweg.”

When weathermen go bad

Weather he’s guilty or not…

Popular German weatherman Joerg Kachelmann was arrested in Frankfurt after his long-standing girlfriend claimed that he had forced sexual relations with her after an argument, something he denies vehemently.

But other than that, Kachelmann reports that it’s going to remain generally warm and even a bit humid in the next few days, especially for him, with a mild chance of rain and thunder showers, which he’ll miss, should they happen, him being in jail and all.

“Without wishing to prejudice legal proceedings, we regard it as unthinkable that the accusations could be correct.”