Leftest Violence Still As Harmless As Ever

Ah Berlin. I love the smell of barbecue ignition chemicals in the morning.


In the past seven days, the extremists proved true to their claim, starting what could be the most destructive single anti-gentrification action any city in Europe has yet seen. On Saturday, a gang of 40 masked vandals smashed up 28 cars in the area near central Potsdamer Platz, leaving some of them in flames. Attacks continued the following night in the southwestern district of Neukolln, when at least 20 more cars were damaged and shop windows smashed in.

But don’t worry, folks. The Deutsche Welle reassures us that in the wake of two spates of property damage by extremists in Berlin, some news outlets and politicians have warned of a rise in “leftist violence.” But the long-term stats do not bear this out.

Well if it’s only a protest against gentrification, then alles klar (say no more). Why didn’t you say so in the first place? We thought it had something to do with property rights, respect for the law and senseless violence and vandalism again.

The vandals’ weapon of choice is a disposable tinfoil barbecue set of a sort that many German stores sell for use as summer grills in the park.

Dumb Question

“What Would Have Happened if Germany Had Invaded the U.S. During World War II?”


That’s easy. They would have ended up like this little Canadian robot dude who, like, just tried invading our country or something.

Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love, OK? Nobody ever said anything about robots.

Let’s be honest, whether fair or not, Philadelphia has a certain reputation. It’s a city where football fans booed and threw snowballs at Santa Claus. Baseball fans once threw D cell batteries (the big ones) at visiting outfielder J.D. Drew. And now, it’s where an adorable robot who was only counting on the kindness of strangers to hitchhike across the country was vandalized, effectively ending his summer trip.

Spare The Cane And Spoil The Child

I mean the German tourist. Huh? What do you mean punishment, officer? All we did was break into a train depot and spray graffiti on some trains. In freakin’ Singapore!


A Singapore court has sentenced two German men to three strokes of the cane for spray-painting a metro train in the city-state notorious for its hardline rules on vandalism.

Nach deutschen Maßstäben ist das Urteil sicherlich hart, insbesondere die Prügelstrafe, die in unserem Kulturkreis ja schon lange nicht mehr angewendet wird.“

If It Works, Fix It

This is another one of those “only in Germany” numbers. Or maybe it isn’t (I’m slowly losing track of what’s going on out there in “the real world”).


The Deutsche Bahn’s program to use small drones to patrol railyards by night in a bid to fight graffiti spraying graffiti terrorists has suffered a setback. Although the test flights worked out just wunderbar, the German Luftsicherheitsbehörden (air security authority) has stopped the program for now as no night flight permits have been permitted – for drones designed to patrol railyards by night. Ordnung muss sein already.

This is actually a bit of a relief for me, to tell you the truth. Before reading the article I was convinced that the flights had been cancelled due to Fluglärm issues. Fluglärm (aircraft noise) is a big honking major awesome all-important obsession for all Germans at all times in all regions and all locations all over the country (and tomorrow the world) and I was sure that I was about to read how these mini-drones were simply too loud for the Anwohner (local residents), whoever or wherever they were.

Whew! That wasn’t the case, like I said. At least not this time. But let’s just wait and see what happens when/if these things are ever actually allowed to fly.

“Die Tests sind exzellent gelaufen, ein hervorragendes Einsatzmittel. Jedoch erteilen die Luftsicherheitsbehörden der Länder derzeit keine Fluggenehmigung für die Nachtstunden.”

Victimized Vandals

This is Gutmensch (do-gooder) schizophrenia vom Feinsten (at its best): It’s the “rampant gentrification and social exclusion” that’s causing all of these arson attacks in Berlin these days, man. These arsonists are the victims, you see.

I always figured it was out-of-towners who were/are the real culprits behind these crimes (in this case, uh, tourists?). Well, at least this might actually become an election issue now. Some Berliners actually seem to be pissed off about having their cars ignited in the night.

“Berliners can be happy that Wowereit (Berlin’s SPD mayor) is in the middle of an election campaign. Otherwise he would treat the car owners (with the same blithe indifference) that he showed to the Berlin pensioners who broke their bones falling on snow and ice in the sloppily managed capital during the winter. … Wowereit typically reacts with flippancy on such occasions, deflecting criticism of his deficient policies with snappy slogans such as (his famous description of Berlin as) ‘poor but sexy.’ He cannot afford such flippancy now.”

“But he is still coming up with such comments, for example saying that, in a big city, the police can not be everywhere at the same time. He speaks as if that would be any different in a small town, as if that is the crucial factor and as if crime can only be fought if a city is transformed into a police state. But the fight against crime begins elsewhere. At least Wowereit is honest when he says: ‘We are sort of floundering around in the dark.’ That could turn into the soundbite of this campaign.”

Burning Booming in Berlin

Ah, Berlin. Poor but sexy. And now partly on fire every night.

“The enthusiasm about Berlin as the capital of alternative culture has never been as great as it is these days. EasyJet tourism is booming, as is the real estate market — prices may be rising in Berlin, but beer and apartments are still relatively cheap.”

As are lighting fluid and matches.

Rot-Rot hat Brandstiftern zu lange zugeschaut.

International Solidarity with England

Nine cars went up in flames last night in Berlin.

The part that I don’t get: Police say every second burning is politically motivated.

Does that mean that the other half gets ignated just for fun?

No, I stand corrected. I don’t get any of this.

Von einer breit organisierten Tätergruppe aus der linken Szene könne nicht ausgegangen werden, sagte Stefan Redlich, Leiter des Dezernats für politisch motivierte Kriminalität beim Berliner Staatsschutz. Vielmehr seien Einzelne bei den politisch motivierten Taten und Trittbrettfahrer bei den persönlich motivierten Taten verantwortlich.


Political movement or new national pastime?

Well, maybe it’s both. Some 250 cars have been set to flames in Berlin this year by political activists concerned about CO2 emissions (not enough of them out there, I guess – the emissions, I mean).

This car really burns up the road.

Hamburg environmental anarchist types, not to be outdone by those snoots down south, have lit up about 150 themselves. They are clearly doing their best these days to close their incredibility gap to Berlin as quickly as they can.

And now even Frankfurt has joined the party, or one activist there has. Pissed off about having to pay high gasoline prices all the time, this guy lit his own damned car on fire.

“Der schwarze 3er BMW mit Baujahr 1995 brannte am Freitagmorgen in einer Grünanlage nahe des Frankfurter Messegeländes komplett aus.”