When You Wash Money In Germany

You know it’s going to get washed properly. Germans have this squeaky-clean reputation to live up to, after all.

Wash

It’s the easiest place in Europe to do this kind of thing and everybody who’s anybody in the crime and terror world knows it. I’m sure that will soon change though. Not.

Germany sees record spike in money laundering cases – Germany’s Financial Intelligence Unit says suspected cases of money laundering and terrorist financing jumped by 50% in 2019. The real estate market is especially vulnerable when it comes to suspicious transactions.

“One problem for us is that the prosecution of money laundering in Germany isn’t traditionally well established.”

German Of The Day: Geldwäsche

That means money-laundering.

Money

And Germany in general, Berlin in particular, is a “money-laundering paradise.”

Police in Germany conduct raids on suspected Islamists in Berlin – Berlin police are investigating 12 suspects who are accused of financing terrorism, among other crimes…

Germany’s Police Trade Union welcomed the raids as an example of the result of meticulous investigative work. It is no secret that cash flows from criminal gangs in “our money-laundering paradise” to fund terrorist organizations, the union’s regional deputy head Thomas Spaniel said, according to the German news agency dpa.

Last year, the domestic intelligence agency for the state of Berlin counted 2,170 Islamists in the city, 180 more than the previous year.

German Of The Day: Dax-Zombie

That means DAX zombie.

DAX

For the first time, a DAX company, Wirecard, has gone broke but won’t be kicked out of the index until September.

Wirecard has filed for insolvency, just days after a $2 billion accounting scandal at the company burst into the open, crashing its stock and leading to the arrest of its former chief executive.

The digital payments company said in a statement Thursday it had opened legal proceedings in Munich “due to impending insolvency and over-indebtedness.” Share

Mit Wirecard ist zum ersten Mal ein Dax-Konzern pleite gegangen. Aus dem Leitindex fliegen dürfte der Konzern aber erst im September.

German Of The Day: Abschiebung

That means deportation. And those who have no business being here in Germany must understand that the Germans might actually deport them. One day. Eventually.

Smugglers

Of course those who do get deported only come right back to Germany again with the help of Schlepper (human trafficking smugglers). But still.

Take this head of a Lebanese criminal family clan, for instance. Please. German authorities finally got tough with him and deported him to Lebanon but he just turned around and came right back with the help of today’s highly efficient, extremely lucrative and internationally active human trafficking industry (thanks be to you, Angela Merkel & Co.). He made a mistake filling out his asylum seeker form in Bremen though and the cops were able to bust him again. I think for behavior like that they really ought to come down hard on this guy and deport him.

Demnach habe Miri sich „mit Hilfe von Helfern“ einen Pass verschafft und sei zunächst „heimlich über Syrien in die Türkei“, dann „mit Hilfe von Schleppern auf dem Landweg in die Bundesrepublik Deutschland“ eingereist.

Thank Goodness We Have Experts

Otherwise we dummies down here in the street would have never, ever in a million years been able to figure out that the spike in violent crime in Lower Saxony is directly related to the arrival of migrants there.

Crime

And thank goodness this is only the case in Lower Saxony, right?

The German state of Lower Saxony witnessed a 10.4 percent increase in crime at the height of the migration crisis, according to a study. The study’s authors said age and reporting practices factored into the connection…

According to the study, which was conducted by the Zurich University of Applied Sciences and paid for by Germany’s Ministry of Family Affairs, police witnessed an increase of 10.4 percent in reported violent crimes in 2015 and 2016. More than 90 percent of the increase (not of total violent crimes) was said to be attributable to migrants.

I know, I know. How distasteful. How can they be allowed to publish studies like that? Couldn’t somebody censor them or something?

Wissenschaftler haben die Gewaltkriminalität von Flüchtlingen am Beispiel Niedersachsens untersucht. Sie rechnen fast jede achte Gewalttat einem Asylsuchenden zu.

Europe Must Think Hard About Automobile Control

“At some point we as a  politico-economic union will have to reckon with the fact that this type of violence doesn’t happen in other advanced  politico-economic unions or countries,” one leading European politician said, unnamed for the moment. “It doesn’t happen with this sort of frequency.”

Maniac

The comments came after a maniac driver in Graz, Austria mounted his vehicle on the pavement and aimed it at pedestrians – sending several crashing into the windscreen and flying over the car and killing at least three – before getting out and stabbing bystanders with a knife

“We will also need to think hard about stricter knife control, too,” the politician then added.

“I heard a little hissing sound as it went past at maybe 100kmh.”

Criminal Failed To Register Stolen Revolver Before Killing Girlfriend And Self

Gun law-abiding Germans everywhere where shocked to discover today that a criminal in Münster had failed to register the revolver he had stolen before turning the weapon on his girlfriend and himself.

Gun control

“I’ve seen it all now,” one enraged passerby at the scene of the crime commented. “What good are stringent gun control laws if the criminals out there these days don’t have the decency to abide by them?”

“Don’t these idiots know that if you don’t register your stolen weapon it could be immediately confiscated and you’d probably be hit with a big honking fine?” Another irrate citizen chimed in. “And how the hell are the police going to be able to track down and arrest crooks like this if they don’t even know where to find them? And they haven’t killed themselves first, I mean. Ever think about that? The cops aren’t magicians you know.”

Der Revolver, mit dem der Mann schoss, stammte aus einem Einbruch in einem anderen Bundesland.

Legalistic Republic Deutschland

Outraged Germans everywhere are demanding to know why the German state of Bavaria is admittedly using spyware in at least five investigations (all judicially approved) to gather evidence on suspected drug dealers, dopers, Internet criminals and fencing suspects.

“This is completely unacceptable,” one enraged civil liberties activist said. “What will this lead to next? The next thing you know they’ll be using programs like these to gather evidence on suspected rapists, child molesters, murderers and terrorists.”

Bei den Verfahren in München, Landshut, Nürnberg und Augsburg ging es um Doping, Drogen, Hehlerei und eine Bande von Internet-Betrügern, die geschätzt 80.000 bis 120.000 Menschen um eine Summe von insgesamt 10 bis 30 Millionen Euro geprellt haben soll.