Time To Say Goodbye

August 2, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire Leave a comment

To all those jobs in the German nuclear power industry, I mean. It’s phase-out time in more ways than one over here.

It’s coming out that E.ON, Germany’s largest energy provider, is now to go on an extreme austerity diet and is about to “restructure,” as they like to say, know what I’m saying? They’re even talking about closing down the big new headquarters they just moved into a year ago.

But hey, it’s all worth it. No pain no gain or something. And don’t worry, there are no other hidden fallout issues here, either.

Of 17 German nuclear power plants, half are now turned off; all of them will be shut by 2022. That’s a loss of 22 billion euros in profits.

Oh My God We’re All Gonna Die Yet Again Once More Again This Time For Real Already

August 1, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, History Tags: Berlin, Congress, Dept, Economy, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Obama, Satire, Tea Party Leave a comment

Historic? Damned right it’s historic (the debt deal – if it actually passes).

“In the first stage, it includes $917 billion in spending cuts and other deficit reduction now, as well as a $900 billion increase in the debt ceiling.

In the second stage, a special joint committee of Congress will recommend further deficit reduction steps totaling $1.5 trillion or more by the end of November, with Congress obligated to vote on the panel’s proposals by the end of the year.

In addition, across-the-board cuts are automatically enacted if Congress fails to pass the special committee’s recommendations.”

I can only hope that what seems to be one of the Spiegel‘s worst fears will actually come true and the US government has now begun a process that will “shrink itself to a skeletal state.” That just sounds too good to be true, though.

“Es gibt kein Licht am Ende des Tunnels.”

Tea Party Bad

July 31, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Captain America, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Obama, Satire, Tea Party 6 Comments

Here’s a quick summary of a fascinating Spiegel editorial about the American Tea Party movement and the current US debt crisis. Or the German intellectual take on it, I should say.

Tea Party want bankruptcy. America work for 235 years, then Tea Party come.

Now Tea Party want friction. Tea Party not want results. Tea Party now enemy. Tea Party outsiders.

Tea Party all take, no give. Tea Party not want to raise taxes. Tea Party bad not to want to raise taxes.

Tea Party people make fear, lead America to economic Armageddon.

America now at standstill. Tea Party people want annihilate Washington (see Captain America). They want stripped down state. Not like state. Very bad.

President Obama want improve schools. Tea Party not want this.
President Obama want clean energy. Tea Party not want this.
President Obama want cuts (and taxes). Tea Party not want this (only cuts). This bad.

Tea Party focus on principles. Very bad.

Tea Party practice raw and aggressive democracy.

Tea Party even make fun of Republicans. This good, sort of, but still bad.

Democracy depends on compromise and the American government depends on all branches working together. The Tea Party movement shuns both, preferring instead to drive the state into bankruptcy. On principle.

Oh My God We’re All Gonna Die Again Already

July 29, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Economy, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, USA Leave a comment

Well there we have it. Der Spiegel itself makes it official and that picture down there proves it or something.

The American economy is caving in. We’re tanking. We’re toast. It’s all over but the crying. All bets are off. We’re on the river of no return. We’re dead meat. Buddy, have you got a dime? How about any of you other guys out there other than Buddy? Down and out in [place any American city name you want here]. Yes, we can. I mean no, we can’t.

Thanks, Spiegel. How refreshing (not). But how so very predictable. And consistent.

Es ist ein grässlicher Tag für die USA: Die Supermacht steht vor der Staatspleite, jetzt bricht auch noch das Wirtschaftswachstum ein.

The Cuban Rum Crisis

July 29, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Communism, Cuba, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Rum, Satire Leave a comment

German rum runners everywhere were stunned to discover yesterday that evil US of Amerika has placed an embargo on communist Cuban goods some 50 years ago and that that nation’s Yankee imperialist lacky puppets eBay/PayPal will no longer allow them to import Cuban rum to Germany anymore (they froze their accounts).

When will the Unterdrückung (oppression) ever end or something?

“Der Händler kann weiter seine Artikel bei Ebay verkaufen, aber nicht über PayPal.”

Greeks Don’t Work Enough

July 28, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Travel, Vacation 1 Comment

Talk about your vacation nation. No, not Greece. Germany.

This isn’t really news, of course. “Germans may accuse spendthrift euro zone southerners of too much play and not enough work, but they enjoy the most generous annual holiday time in the European Union, a study released on Wednesday showed.”

Hey, it’s nice to be the king.

Keine anderen Europäer haben mehr freie Tage im Jahr – insgesamt sind es jeweils 40.

What do you mean abandoned amusement park?

July 27, 2011 By Hermann Observer in History Tags: Berlin, Communism, DDR, East Germany, GDR, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 1 Comment

“Berlin is littered with relics of its communist past, with one of the eeriest being Spreepark, where the remains of what was once East Germany’s only amusement park still stand.”

This whole city is one big abandoned communist funfair, lady (or at least big chunks of that Wild East part of town are).

They are everywhere I tell you, all around us, immer und überall, like vampires, or even zombies if you prefer. But maybe that’s just me.

By the way, that park was way cool when it was still running. Really cheesy and schräg. But maybe that’s just me too.

The amusement park’s history is as colorful as its rides once were. The Kulturpark Plaenterwald, as it was known under communism, was also used as a meeting point by youths rebelling against the state’s collectivist system.

Too Much Sunshine Here

July 26, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate Change, Enrivronment, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Satire, Weather Leave a comment

Too much sunshine here? You know how everybody always likes to bitch and moan about the weather all the time? Well they do over here (when not bitching and moaning about the climate).

And they do so with good reason, too. The summers in Germany are often, like this summer, “suboptimal.”

But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to shoot for a little variety now and then when it comes to the weather bitches and moans (bitches and moaners?). The latest spin is that the first half of this year was the sunniest yet on record. And this too is a bad thing, I think.

This means, uh, I don’t know what it means (does the weather ever mean anything?). Or is this climate again already we’re talking about here (climate is meaningful, I think, right?)?

No, this just means that you can bitch and moan all the more about the current crappy weather because you’re being reminded about how much sunnier it was just a few weeks/months ago.

Seit 120 Jahren hat es nur ein heißeres erstes Halbjahr gegeben, so der Deutsche Wetterdienst. Er warnt zugleich vor künftigen Wetterextremen durch den Klimawandel.

Nix Kebab For You!

July 22, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Immigration, PC, Political correctness, Satire 2 Comments

It’s witch hunt time again.

“Thilo Sarrazin, a member of Germany’s Social Democratic Party and author of a controversial book about Islam’s role in German society, has been chased from a Berlin kebab shop by angry Muslims, reports Der Spiegel.”

Renommierter Publizist will nicht für etwas ausgezeichnet werden, für das Sarrazin gemobbt wird.

Naked Germans Put On Endangered Species List, Finally

July 20, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts Tags: Berlin, FKK, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nudists, Nudity, Satire 2 Comments

It’s not as easy being a German naturalist as it used to be. Due to weight issues, more and more clothing has to be taken off or something and that’s become a real pain in the sunburned behind.

And then there are the demographics. Immigrants from Turkey and Arabic countries aren’t interested in “social nudity,” for some strange reason.

Nude sunbathing has a long tradition in Germany. The Free Body Culture (FKK) movement was founded in the early 20th century and succeeded in taking much of the smut and embarrassment out of nudity.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Satire