Our Espionage Doesn’t Stink

May 4, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, CIA, German, Germans, Germany, NSA, Security, Spying, Terrorism 1 Comment

On the one hand, we as German spies only do nice spying and would never spy on friends much less on other other nice Germans like ourselves.

“But on the other hand, intelligence agencies are working to ensure the public’s safety and the German government will do everything it can to ensure that it can carry out its job.

“And this ability to carry out its duties in the face of international terrorism threats is done in cooperation with other intelligence agencies, and that includes first and foremost the NSA.”

Deutschland regt sich über eine Spionageaffäre auf. Dabei wäscht seit Jahrzehnten unter den westlichen Diensten eine Hand die andere. Wir sollten endlich realistisch mit dem Thema Sicherheit umgehen.

German Intelligence Insults German Intelligence

April 24, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Intelligence, NSA, Spying 1 Comment

When the NSA asks for INFO from the BND they get it ASAP. Or at least they used to.

Germany’s intelligence service, the Bundesnachrichtendienst (BND), has been helping the NSA spy on European politicians and companies for years, according to the German news magazine Der Spiegel. The NSA has been sending lists of “selectors”—identifying telephone numbers, e-mail and IP addresses—to the BND, which then provides related information that it holds in its surveillance databases…

Investigators found that the BND had provided information on around 2,000 selectors that were clearly against European and German interests. Not only were European businesses such as the giant aerospace and defense company EADS, best-known as the manufacturer of the Airbus planes, targeted, so were European politicians—including German ones.

I still can’t figure out where the intelligence part comes in here.

More Awful NSA Spying Being Done On Ahnungslose Germans Again

November 30, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, NSA, Spying Leave a comment

Only this time it’s being done by the German BND (the German Federal Intelligence Service).

Ahnungslos means unsuspecting, by the way. It can also mean clueless, however. If you know what I’m saying.

The agency, known by its German acronym BND, is normally forbidden from eavesdropping on Germans or German companies. But a former BND lawyer told parliament this week that Germans aren’t protected while working abroad for foreign companies. The government confirmed that work-related calls or emails are attributed to the employer. If the employer is foreign, the BND can intercept them.

If BND Spying On Turkey Is “Necessary”…

August 18, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, SNA, Spying, Turkey Leave a comment

Then NSA spying on Germany most certainly is.

The German government faced an angry reaction from Turkey and accusations of hypocrisy from its own opposition on Monday after media reports that its intelligence agency spied on its NATO ally.

“Dass ein geheimer Nachrichtendienst dort Erkenntnisse sammelt, kann man ihm nicht vorwerfen. Das ist seine Aufgabe.”

“Friends Don’t Spy On Friends”

August 17, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, Espionage, Friendship, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Merkel, NSA, Spying, Turkey Leave a comment

Somebody said that once, not all to0 long ago, after some NSA Aufregung (excitement) about something somewhere. I forget where. But I couldn’t agree more. So, uh, where’s the outrage now?

Now that Germany’s intelligence agency BND has revealed that NATO ally Turkey is one of five countries it is spying on, I mean.

Outrage won’t be necessary this time, I guess. It appears that Germany is finally coming clean and ready to admit to the world that Turkey has officially reached non-friend status so spying in this case is allowed.

Hey, what goes around comes around.

The news reports (of NSA spying in Germany) outraged Germans, leading to favorable attitudes about the United States falling to their lowest levels in years and creating a public and private sense of mistrust. Merkel has repeatedly called the U.S. spy program a breach of trust and noted that “friends don’t spy on friends.”

German Intelligence Failed To Find Anything Intelligent While Wiretapping Hillary Clinton’s Telephone Conversation

August 15, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: BND, Eavesdropping, Espionage, Hillary Clinton, Humor, NSA, Satire, Spying, Wiretapping Leave a comment

According to a report today in the Süddeutsche Zeitung, the German intelligence service BND listened in on at least one telephone call involving former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton while she was still in office.

Not only was the eavesdropping “purely accidental,” an unidentified source told the newspaper, but the conversation was also “one of the stupidest, most inane and brain-dead phone conversations I as a spy have ever had to endure. It got so bad I had to start banging my head against the wall and broke off the connection after three minutes. Laber, laber, laber! It’s like her brain is in neutral or something. And they can’t fire me for this either now because I quit!”

Deutsche Regierungskreise bestreiten allerdings, dass es eine systematische Spionage des BND gegen die USA gibt. Vielmehr sei das Gespräch, das Clinton in ihrer Amtszeit aus einer US-Regierungsmaschine heraus geführt habe, nur zufällig aufgefangen worden.

Germans Shocked That Top US Intelligence Official Was Involved In Spying

July 10, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, CIA, Eavesdropping, Edward Snowden, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, NSA, Satire, Spies, Spying Leave a comment

And that’s why they have now asked him to get his little top secret agent ass out of the country like pronto, buddy. Or at least I can only assume that’s the reason why.

“We were stunned to learn that a professional undercover snoop like this would have the audacity to abuse our mutual trust and openness by spying on us like this,” a spokesman for the German government must have said. “It’s just not the kind of thing that sneaky secret agent types like that do. At least it’s not what the German ones do.”

Nach Bekanntwerden eines weiteren möglichen Spionagefalls hat die Bundesregierung erste Konsequenzen gezogen. Der Repräsentant der amerikanischen Nachrichtendienste an der amerikanischen Botschaft wurde aufgefordert, Deutschland zu verlassen.

N S A B N D M O U S E

June 6, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, Eavesdropping, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, NSA, Satire, Spying Leave a comment

Who’s the leader of the club
That spies on you and me?
N S A B N D M O U S E!

Germany’s foreign intelligence agency is officially lifting the lid on some of its worst-kept secrets by acknowledging that half a dozen facilities are in fact spy stations.

“Diese Aufgaben gehören zum Kernauftrag des Bundesnachrichtendienstes und beruhen auf gesetzlicher Grundlage. Zu diesen Aufgaben stehen wir, weshalb wir zukünftig auf die Legendierung dieser Außenstellen im Inland verzichten.”

That Guy Down There Works For The Telekom

May 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Big Brother, Eavesdropping, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Humor, NSA, Satire, Spying, Telekom, Wiretapping Leave a comment

And it looks to me like they’re trying to save on energy these days or something.

Hey, who needs the NSA when you’ve got the Telekom right here at home in your own backyard in Germany? Doing the wiretapping, I mean.

Hello? Hello out there! Where’s all the excitement about this? The Telekom just got a little more transparent and admitted that it taps 50,000 phone connections a year. It hands out information on a million IP addresses annually, too. No, not to the NSA. To certain German “state agencies” that wish to remain unnamed.

Well there is a big difference here, you know. The difference being, of course, that the Telekom “sticks to the rules” and no one here has any reason to doubt them because the Telekom would not lie to us, I mean you, and besides, Germans snooping on Germans in a country like Germany when not following the rules precisely and to the letter is absolutely unimaginable and thoroughly ausgeschlossen (impossible). Here, I mean.

Die Telekom ist verpflichtet, in bestimmten Fällen mit Behörden zusammenzuarbeiten. Wie viele Anfragen es jährlich gibt, erstaunt dann doch. Neben tausenden überwachten Telefonanschlüssen gibt die Telekom Daten zu fast einer Million IP-Adressen preis.

German Spy Etiquiette Initiative Fails For Now

May 4, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Merkel, NSA, Obama, Spying 1 Comment

But will most likely be introduced again at a much later date once hell freezes over.

The United States and Germany had been negotiating over mutual rules for intelligence-gathering aimed at each other, but there still appears to be “some gaps that need to be worked through.”

It seems Angie Merkel suddenly had more important things to say than talk about the NSA during her latest stay in the USA. Hey, that rhymes.

“We do not have a blanket no-spy agreement with any country.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Spying