Well don’t ask me. That’s just how the system works here.
Germany’s “last major Holocaust trial” had to end this way, didn’t it? A German court found John Demjanjuk guilty of a abetting the killing of 27,900 people but then set him free despite the, uh, five year sentence.
Well he did have to sit through an eighteen month trial, you know.
The trial, he said, amounted to “torture.”
This isn’t Animal House, you know.
Clearly shocked by the Northwestern University sex-toy-in-human-sexuality-class-incident in US-Amerika, German Bundestag President Norbert Lammert just isn’t going to take any chances and has banned the sale of condoms in parliament here (they sold them in the cigarette machines–uh, can they buy condoms in Congress too?).
Just in case German parliamentarians get any weird ideas or something, I guess. And I’d rather not think about that if you don’t mind so I support this guy 100%.
“Students watched as a naked 25-year-old woman was penetrated by a sex toy.”
You know, the photos proving how Star Trek Special Operations were in fact the ones who killed Osama Bin Laden. But it’s too late now. The Katze is out of the bag.
Someone at German news channel N24 who needs to have his enthusiasm curbed accidentally spilled the beans by actually producing the official logo of the “Star Trek Maquis Special Operations Seals Team VI” (one nasty bunch of 24th century terrorists), the real culprits behind bin Laden’s death, as we now know. Take him out and phaser him.
That explains why the helicopters were so quiet and stuff.
Closer inspection of the logo obtained by N24 should have turned up the notion that the skull is a little on the Klingon side.
First it was Google Street View, then Facebook, now another sinister new American data octopus is stretching out its tentacles to abuse German privacy rights anywhere and everywhere it can: Census.com!
Oops! False alarm. It looks like it’s a real German census and doesn’t even have a .com at all. But I’m nevertheless sure that the opposition to it will be massive, just like it was twenty-five years ago in West Germany when an uncountable number of Germans (think census–get it?) took to the streets to protest the government’s evil plan and even boycotted the survey.
Oops again already. Another false alarm. Nobody seems to give a hoot this time. Now everybody is lining up to get counted like sheep. What ever happened to civil disobedience? Even a little uncivil disobedience would be OK with me, people. Pitiful.
Statisticians predict that the survey may well reveal the German population is smaller than thought. The statistics office predicts that up to 1.3 million people still counted on regional population tallies may not actually exist.
Or was it Sad Mad Glad? At any rate, Chancellor Merkel is now in hot water for “endorsing a crime” after she said that she was “glad” that Osama bin Laden had been killed by US forces.
A Hamburg judge has even filed a criminal complaint against her because of this “tacky and undignified” remark that only an American could love.
In typically German schizophrenic style, Schadenfreude (the enjoyment of others’ suffering) cannot be openly expressed in The Land of Schadenfreude. It simply isn’t done here (even though it’s done here privately all day long).
The Germans aren’t glad about this issue, that’s for sure. But they’re not sad about it either. Whether they’re mad or not is certainly up to debate, however.
“The Sad Mad Glad series makes the teaching of trustworthiness, responsibility, caring, respect, fairness, and citizenship an experience that parents and mentors will never forget.”
Since 2003, EU countries have grudgingly relayed names and other information to US authorities concerning airline passangers who travel between EU and non-EU countries.
This has been complained about and protested against loudly and often(ly) by empörte (indignant) exponents of transparency everywhere who clearly don’t trust the American claim that this is purely an anti-terror measure and only in their best interest.
Now it turns out that these bad American spy policies robbing Germans of their personal freedom led directly to the capture of the Düsseldorfer terror cell last month that had concrete plans for a bomb attack in Germany.
The three alleged terrorists (who also had their personal freedom robbed) were detained during police raids in Düsseldorf and Bochum after authorities decided that they might be getting close to carrying out the attack.
You don’t have to say thanks or anything, Germany. America was just doing its job (rides off into the sunset, fade to black).
„Von amerikanischer Seite sind wir unter anderem auf das auffällige und ungewöhnliche Reiseverhalten der Verdächtigen hingewiesen worden.“
And being that the US “now acts indifferently vis-á-vis sovereign states not only in a global but in an orbital fashion,” I couldn’t help but think of this terrifying (and up until now top secret) example of American hi-tech technology (I don’t really know why I couldn’t help but think of it, however).
Remember: Robot Monster stalks the earth to destroy humanity.
Overwelming, electrifying and baffling or something.
PS: Whatever happened to Fukushima?
As the hours tick on, the ever more complex German deep space nein analysis of the Osama-Obama-Drama twists further and further into a seething black hole-ish vortex of convolution, confusion and boundless bitching and moaning.
Here are a few of the latest I particularly like:
“Above all, this conflict takes place in the visual realm, it is a war of images and their reciprocal overpowering through the inspection of that which takes place on the screen.” Huh? So they killed him with a digital camera or what?
“Without photos (of bin Laden’s corpse) conspiracy theories will spread in the US and in the Islamic World.” But not in Germany though, right?
“The Americans made a grave mistake by preventing the necessary tribunal (at an international court of justice) through the liquidation of bin Laden and the overhasty disposal of his body at sea.” So you could still hold the tribunal if they give you the body or what?
“Immanual Kant had realized this well; that this ban on images (they mean bin Laden’s corpse pictures) is the magic behind religious enthusiasm and it is this abstraction of the deduced representation which opens up a greater scope for imagination and passion.” Holy Shit. Even Kant is putting in his two cents worth now.
These are too heavy for me. Let’s try a few of these instead:
“‘Justice’ has become a mere joker card concept used for politically calculated maneuvers.”
“The other side of terrorism are interest and goal pursuing policies that hold to no international law.”
“A fitting translation of ‘enemy killed in action’ could also be ‘executed’.”
Enough already. Let’s finish up with these for dessert:
“Bin Laden was unarmed as he died.”
“Justice, American style.”
“Not a real breakthrough.”
“Bin Laden’s death comes 10 years too late.”
“America’s lost decade cannot be regained.”
“Was bin Laden’s killing legal?”
Stay tuned or something.
Die Übertragung des Militäreinsatzes auf fremden Territorium via Satelliten macht noch einmal klar, dass die Weltmacht USA nicht nur global, indifferent gegenüber Souveränitätsrechten, sondern auch orbital agiert, dass der von Flugmaschinen, Raketen und Nachrichtenautomaten bevölkerte Himmel mit der terrestrischen Einflusssphäre verschmolzen ist.
Is nothing sacred anymore? Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. says it will team up with Germany’s ZLT Zeppelin Luftschifftechnik to build three new blimps beginning in 2013.
Goodyear’s CEO says updating the fleet will “assure that future generations will be able to experience the joy of seeing a Goodyear blimp gracing the skies.”
The airships will be built by Zeppelin and Goodyear teams at Goodyear’s airship hangar near Akron.
And this time it has to do with the killing of a mass murderer (an interesting editorial piece, I’m paraphrasing most of this).
Damned if you do, I always say. For years Germans sardonically reproached George W. Bush for not being able to capture the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks. Now that Osama bin Laden has been located and killed during an attempt to capture him, that was wrong too.
Here are just a few popular and very predictable politically correct party line reactions to the killing as presented by the German state media:
“Bin Laden was simply bumped off.”
“What kind of a country is this that could cheer at such an execution?”
“He was a 54-year-old father of a family.”
“German law professors go on record as saying that the US commando action violated international law.”
And of course the admonition cannot lack that “Obama only did this to get re-elected.” Other possible reasons for the killing of the man who was responsible for the most terrible attacks upon the United States since Pearl Harbor are apparently not imaginable for those in charge at German state television (WDR, Jörg Schönenborn).
More to follow here very soon I’m sure.
Und warum nur fällt es in diesem Land so schwer, eine sehr einfache Erkenntnis zu formulieren: Diese Welt ist ohne den Massenmörder aus Saudi-Arabien eine bessere. Darauf wird man sich doch wenigstens einigen können.
Observing Hermann 