German Women Clearly Upset

Or at least that one down here is.

Women

There is simply not enough female leadership in Germany, they say. Boy oh boy can you ever say that again. I couln’t agree more.

Oh. They mean in cooperations. Yeah, I guess they could show a little more leadership there, too.

The biggest corporations in Germany lag behind their blue-chip counterparts in France, Poland, Sweden, the US and the UK when it comes to the amount of women they have in key leadership positions, according to a new report.

The study by the German-Swedish Allbright Foundation, a charitable organization which campaigns for higher female representation in business and economic leadership positions, finds that of the six countries examined, no country has a more male-dominated corporate culture than Germany.

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BREAKING NEWS: Germans Are More Negative Than Americans

When it comes to German-American relations, I mean. Like holy Scheiße! Who would have ever expected that?

Germans

And here I thought Germans were such positive, can-do people who  have always been so, you know, upbeat and cheerful about German-American relations. In the past, I mean. Right? This just doesn’t make any sense. It’s just not their nature. Somebody should double-check these numbers.

6 charts on how Germans and Americans view one another

1. Americans think U.S.-German relations are in good shape, but Germans disagree.

2. German attitudes toward the U.S. have turned sharply negative in the Trump era.

3. Merkel gets positive reviews from Americans, especially Democrats.

4. Many Germans see the U.S. as a top foreign policy partner; fewer Americans feel the same way about Germany.

5. Democrats are more likely than Republicans to see Germany as an important partner for foreign policy.

6. There are transatlantic differences about defense spending.

Only 11% of Germans expressed confidence in Trump to do the right thing in world affairs in 2017, down from 86% for Obama in 2016.

German Of The Day: Bedingt

That means partly. You know, as in “Waffensysteme nur bedingt einsatzbereit” (weapons systems are only partly ready for action)?

Bedingt

Partly ready for action? Isn’t that like being kind of pregnant? Anyway, here are just a few things that don’t seem to be working in the Bundeswehr at the moment (this list changes continually, however – as in keeps getting longer):

Only 39 Of Germany’s 128 Eurofighters were able to get off the ground last year.

Only 26 of the older Tornado fighters were operational.

A full 16 of the 72 CH 53 transport helicopters were working.

Similarly, of the 15 Airbus A400M transport aircraft only three were operational.

One (1) Class 212 A submarine was ready, willing and able.

And of Germany’s 244 Leopard 2 tanks, only 105 were tanked up and ready to go. Tanks for nothing, guys.

But think of it this way: If the potential enemy doesn’t know which one of these war machines is actually working, wouldn’t that confuse the hell out of him? It’s kind of clever if you stop to think about it. So that must surely be why Angela Merkel will be keeping on her Gal Friday Ursula von der Leyen as Germany’s Defense Minister in the next great and grand coalition government coming our way. Girls are more tricky at this kind of stuff. I guess they have to be.

“Eurofighter” bleiben am Boden, U-Boote können nicht tauchen, Militärs zeigen sich genervt: Der Zustandsbericht über die Bundeswehr stellt Verteidigungsministerin von der Leyen erneut ein mieses Zeugnis aus.

True Religion In Berlin

And no. It isn’t the one you might think it would be.

Christian

Only about one quarter of Berlin’s population belongs to one of the two big Christian denominations. The Lutherans take up roughly 16 percent of that number, the Catholics 9 percent. The numbers for both of these groups have dropped in recent years and will most likely continue to do so.

The number of Muslims in Berlin, on the other hand, countinues to rise and rise. They currently make up about 9 percent of the population.

Why does it feel like this is not really a news item? Duh. Because it isn’t. Hey, don’t get cross with me (cross, get it?). I’m just reporting what I read.

Nur noch ein Viertel der Berliner Einwohner gehört einer der beiden großen christlichen Kirchen an. Die evangelische Kirche kam Ende 2016 auf einen Anteil von 15,9 Prozent an der Bevölkerung. Bei den Katholiken waren es 9 Prozent.

Where The Happiest Germans Are?

Like duh. That’s easy. Wherever the most miserable Germans are. They call it Schadenfreude, folks. With a capital S.

Happiness

Stay out of those orange-looking areas, by the way. You know, places where people like me live? They will NOT be happy to see you.

While in many parts of the world happiness is a purely abstract concept, Germans have come up with a method to measure it. The results from the 2017 yearly survey on life satisfaction, called the “Glücksatlas” (or the “Atlas of Happiness”), have been published on Tuesday…

The gap between the happiest and the unhappiest regions is smaller than ever, with 0.6 points: The people in Schleswig-Holstein top the ranking, with 7.43 points, while Saxony-Anhalt’s population comes last in the listing, with 6.83 points.

Die subjektive Lebenszufriedenheit bleibe auf dem Niveau des Vorjahres und liege auf einer Skala von 0 bis 10 bei 7,07.

This Is A Horror Scenario For The Future?

It’s already happening now, folks.

EU

“EU enlargement has been largely abandoned, other states have left the community, Europe has lost its global competitiveness… The increasingly disorderly, sometimes chaotic and conflict-prone world has dramatically changed the security environment of Germany and Europe.”

A possible vision for the year 2040? Nope, nobody has to wait that long for this.

In einem der sechs Szenarien (“Die EU im Zerfall und Deutschland im reaktiven Modus”) gehen die Autoren von einer “multiplen Konfrontation” aus. Die Zukunftsprojektion beschreibt eine Welt, in der die internationale Ordnung nach “Dekaden der Instabilität” erodiert, die Wertesysteme weltweit auseinanderdriften und die Globalisierung gestoppt ist.

Germans Higher Than You Thought They Were

I mean Germany is. Higher.

Index

No. not that kind of high. Actually, yes. Precisely that kind of high. But Germany is also highest when it comes to something called the Quality of Nationality Index.

Consistently securing the top spot for the last six years, Germany scored 82.7% out of a possible 100% on the index – the first of its kind to objectively rank the value of every nationality of the world in terms of legal status in which to develop your talents and business. The global mean in 2016 was 39.32%, with Afghanistan sitting at the bottom of the index with a score of 14.6%…

The US, meanwhile, ranked only 29th on the QNI with a score of 68.8% — mainly due to its relatively low Settlement Freedom compared to nationalities of the EU Member States, and its weak showing on the Peace and Stability element of the index.

So, getting back to that other kind of high… Now I know why everybody wants to come here.

German Of The Day: Angst

That means angst. And here is the latest German angst check:

Angst

Terrorism wins again. But does it really? German Angstforscher (angst scientists – how could they be anywhere else but in Germany, right?) point out that terrorism, for example, is a socially accepted angst that everybody can openly get all angst-like about, without getting any angst about getting any extra angst on top of that. The real close up and personal kinds of individual angst, however, that’s a different matter. People don’t like to talk about that kind of angst because they have too much angst to do so. I have angst, for instance, that these angst studies are creating more angst about angst than they need to. And that frightens me.

“Man weiß, dass es sich bei der Terror-Angst um eine sozial akzeptierte Angst handelt. Die Leute berichten doch nicht gerne einem Menschen in einer Telefonumfrage über ihre ganz individuellen Ängste, die sie sonst allenfalls mit den engsten Freunden und Familienangehörigen teilen.”

The Lying Press?

No. But the biased press? In Germany, when it comes to Donald Trump?

Trump

I’d have to say yes to that one. After taking a look at this recent study done at Harvard, that is – Harvard, that infamous hotbed for right-wing extremism.

When it comes to reporting about Donald Trump’s fitness for office by Germany’s ARD (Channel One),  for example, 98 percent of this reporting is negative. Now that’s what I’d call objective journalism, folks. 98 percent of people in the real world can’t agree on anything, as we all well know, but things are different here in Germany (and in North Korea, too). The ARD, by the way, is one of the state-run “public” television channels that anyone who lives here is forced to subsidize, whether he or she watches it or not – whether you even own a television or not. Do any of you out there remember Der Schwarze Kanal? I didn’t think so.

98 percent? That only shows us that there is something 100 percent wrong with the ARD.

Only 3 percent of Trump’s U.S. coverage explicitly explored the issue of Trump’s fitness for office. European journalists were less restrained with the exception of BBC journalists, who are governed by impartiality rules that prohibit such reporting.[21] Journalists at ARD, Germany’s main public broadcasting outlet, are not governed by the same rules, and Trump’s suitability for the presidency was ARD’s leading topic in January, accounting for a full fifth (20 percent) of its Trump coverage. ARD stayed on the issue in its February coverage, when it consumed 18 percent of its Trump coverage. In March and April, Trump’s fitness for office got less attention from ARD, but it nonetheless accounted for about 10 percent of ARD’s coverage. Even that reduced amount exceeded the level of any of our seven U.S. outlets in any month. And ARD’s journalists were unequivocal in their judgment—98 percent of their evaluations of Trump’s fitness for office were negative, only 2 percent were positive.

Germans Can’t Stop Laughing These Days

This is a real shocker, folks. A new study indicates that 29 percent of Germans laugh less than five times a day or not at all.

Lachen

Wow. They really seem to have made great progress here these past few years. I remember when it used to be 79 percent, or higher.

But, sadly, this is also an indication of the sorry state our troubled world is in: The study also shows that Germans are mostly amused by others’ bad luck (Schadenfreude).

Lachen ist gesund – ein Gemeinplatz. Doch wenn eine Krankenkasse jetzt 15 Minuten herzhaftes Lachen pro Tag empfiehlt, kann das sehr anstrengend sein. Dann sind wir doch lieber unlustig.