Well You Can Buy Christmas Goodies Here In September, Too

Go to any ALDI or LIDL these days if you don’t believe me (I prefer the Spekulatius myself).

Oktoberfest

So why should it surprise anybody that’s it’s October in September again already, too. Or nearly so. Prepare or be square.

Tip number 1: Go get your Lederhose NOW. Or a Dirndl, if your prefer. The same applies to the girls. Only after having put on one of these will you be able to celebrate the Oktoberfest in a really zünftig (hearty) fashion. And only after having put down two or three liters of Bier too, of course. But that goes without saying.

Nr. 1 – Das richtige Outfit: In Dirndl und Lederhosen feiert es sich einfach am zünftigsten. Diverse Online-Shops bieten eine große Auswahl für „Madln“ (=Mädels) und „Buam“ (=Jungs). Da aber beides perfekt sitzen soll, empfiehlt es sich, das Outfit vor Ort zu kaufen. Ein Tipp für die Damen: wird die Schleife der Dirndl-Schürze rechts gebunden, gilt Frau als vergeben, links bedeutet: „Ich bin noch zu haben.“

Oompah, Oompah, $12.30, Please

€9.50 ($12.30) for an Oktoberfest beer? And that in September?

Damn that must be good brew.

Before long, even the most hard-bitten cynics can’t help but climb up on a bench (dancing on tables is frowned upon) and belt out the lyrics of newly learned folk song.

58 Beer Mug Brawls

Now that’s what I call another gelungene (successful) and jolly old Oktoberfest.

And this year’s lost and found items were pretty interesting, too: Along with the 500 wallets, 400 cell phones, the crutches and the wheelchairs (that beer really can work wonders) and the 1300 pieces of clothing (they won’t say what kind), some false teeth, a Wiking helmet, a megaphone and a Blattheuschrecke (grasshopper) also got handed in. One year somebody even showed up with a glass eye.

Zum Wohl!

Der Stein des Anstoßes

The stone (as in bone) of contention here actually is a stein this time. You know, those one-liter beer steins they use down there at the Oktoberfest? And the party must really be hopping this year. Attacks with beer steins are way up.

There have been 32 injuries so far, but it looks like the party just got started.

And it’s like sooo international. A Frenchman threw his stein into a group of Italians. The Italians then took their steins and charged the French and one of them ended up in the hospital with a fractured skull. In an unrelated incident, another Frenchmen took out an Austrian. A Serb tossed his beer stein behind him and conked his neighbor in the head. A Canadian got slammed in the head with a stein and the stein actually broke (the Canadian survived). And I guess they don’t even bother to report about all the German stein attack incidents.

Damn. This gives “getting mugged” a whole new meaning.

The large turnout at this year’s festival, brought on by warm weather and the commemoration of its 200th anniversary, could be responsible for the increase in beer stein attacks (of course the large turnout of beer might be responsible too).

Jubiläumswiesnbier?

Go ahead. Say that ten times really fast.

My oh my, it seems just like yesterday that the Oktoberfest began. 200 years ago, I mean.

And to honor this hallowed event, and to be able to charge even more than usual for the stuff, six rival Bavarian breweries are calling a beer truce to brew a speciel brew in beer-heavenly peace and love and justice together forever amen; that there Jubiläumswiesnbier thing mentioned up there.

The top-secret recipe being used will produce an “amber-colored special beer full-bodied in taste with a flowery malt aroma” and a beer, with an alcohol content of 6 percent, that’ll also knock your Ding in the dirt. But it’s all in the name of tradition, people, OK? Like, it took 200 years to get here, you know?

Even though the Oktoberfest tradition is 200 years old this year, the festival is only being held for the 177th time because it was cancelled on 24 occasions in times of war and during two cholera outbreaks in the 19th century.