Father’s Day Is Sexist In Germany, Too

Not only are mothers here reduced to cultural stereotypes whenever it is suggested that they might be interested in things like cookbooks, vacuum cleaners, sewing machines and irons, fathers in these parts are not treated any better.

Muttertag

The German Father’s Day stereotype (Father’s Day is today, incidentally) consists of fathers and other so-called “men” celebrating it by turning it into a drunken orgy of day-drinking debauchery in which mindless Herrenparties (gentlemen party groups) pull their ridiculously decorated Bollerwagen (handcarts) filled with booze and food but mostly booze through the countryside or greener urban landscape. It’s scandalous. To assume that all men are interested in that kind of nonsense, I mean.

I’d like to address this subject in a little more detail but I have to go help my neighbor load up our Bollerwagen. It’s getting on noon and we haven’t had a drink yet.

Lidl Germany has come under fire for suggesting people buy their mums cookbooks, vacuum cleaners, sewing machines and irons for Mother’s Day.

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Spontaneous German Response To Brussels Attacks Hits ISIS Terrorists Where It Hurts Them Most

In their hurts-to-laugh muscle or the so-called “intercostals” located right here, between the ribs, that’s where.

Love

Pictures of smiling people raising a glass to the camera bloomed across social media in Germany on Tuesday, in a spontaneous response to the Brussels attacks…

The “here’s to love” hashtag was launched by a social media editor at Spiegel Online, who posted a picture of herself on Facebook holding a glass with the caption “Here’s to love, listening to one another, respecting oneself and others, being honest, shouting, screaming, talking about everything and drinking, to kissing and confetti, to life and freedom.”

Netz-Reaktionen auf Brüssel: „Gestern und heute wollte es #AufDieLiebe trinken.“

Don’t forget, jihadis: Because the rib cage contracts rapidly during laughing (as with coughing and sneezing), sharp pain can result if there are trigger points in your intercostals. Luckily, relieving these trigger points is often straight forward and fairly simple. Read here to find out more!

500 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall, 500 Bottles Of Beer…

And here I thought I was bad. And I am.

Beer

But Germans drink lots of booze, too. The Suffköppe (guzzlers).

According to a report by the World Health Organization, when it comes to alcohol consumption every German over 15 drinks the equivalent of 500 bottles of beer each year. They didn’t say how much the Germans under 15 drink.

Die Deutschen trinken unverändert viel Alkohol. Nach einem neuen Bericht der Weltgesundheitsorganisation (WHO) konsumierte jeder Deutsche über 15 Jahren im Jahr 2012 im Schnitt 11,8 Liter reinen Alkohol. Das entspricht gut 500 Flaschen Bier und ist ebenso viel wie zwischen 2008 und 2010.

Oompah, Oompah, $12.30, Please

€9.50 ($12.30) for an Oktoberfest beer? And that in September?

Damn that must be good brew.

Before long, even the most hard-bitten cynics can’t help but climb up on a bench (dancing on tables is frowned upon) and belt out the lyrics of newly learned folk song.