Tag Archives: Technology

Let The Protests Begin

February 2, 2012 By in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Now that the command center for NATO’s missile shield program will be based here in Germany, it’s time for the German Left (that’s the middle of the road here, by the way) to start telling us why this is an awful bad horrible idea.

My guess is that that we will find out that there are actually no such things as rogue states like Iran (only morally challenged ones), that a missle shield like this is absolutely positively technically impossible to implement, and that putting one into operation (even though it is absolutely positively technically impossible to implement) would hurt Russia’s feelings.

There’s not much happening on the Peace Front either these days, you see. And spring is just around the corner. And folks do get easily bored, you know?

The United States insists that the missile shield aims to counter missile threats from Iran, but Russia has voiced concerns that it would target its own strategic deterrent.

It’s Us Against Them

December 2, 2011 By in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Us as in US, I mean.

German authorities are trying to limit what the American tech companies can do, but the Silicon Valley giants are fighting back (the key word is American here, folks).

Give the Germans what they want, I say. But what DO they want, anyway (this is one of my favorite German schizophrenia thangs).

It’s worth noting that Facebook and Google are actually quite popular in the country — the BBC reported in September that “a quarter of the German population are active Facebook users and Google has 95% of the country’s search market.”

Like Get Out Of My Gesicht Already

November 11, 2011 By in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

Are we having another Street View yet? German faces on Facebook? Niemals (never)!

When it comes to Facebook’s biometric facial recognition technology “Tag Suggestions”, or just about any other kind of dad-gern-new-fangled sinister and EVIL US-Amerikanische Internet technology out there for that matter, Germans verstehen kein spaß (just can’t take a joke). And when you mix up a little “out of principle” in the fixins’, this latest tasty data protection Skandal is ready-to-serve.

To opt-in or opt-out, that is the question (German paranoiacs prefer the opt-in opt) and Hamburg’s data protection commissioner is now preparing legal action against Facebook and will soon fine the company over its use of said technology because, well, he can.

“Facebook has repeatedly come under fire in Germany, where privacy is a particularly sensitive issue for historical reasons.” Historical reasons? Nonsense. This is clearly a mental health issue.

“We believe that any legal action is completely unnecessary as the tag suggest feature on Facebook is fully compliant with EU data protection laws.”

Book ’em if ya got ’em

May 2, 2010 By in Hi-tech Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The euros, I mean. And the nerves? Be the first kid on your block to book the maiden Lufthansa Super Airbus A380 flight from Germany to Japan and tell your grandchildren about it later (you could tell them about it beforehand but they probably wouldn’t believe you).

The “Frankfurt am Main” will be taking off from Frankfurt for Tokyo on June 11. Hope the Japanese don’t mistake the thing for Godzilla or Mothra or something.

Personally, I’m not quite “there in my head” just yet. This baby’s just too damned big and “if it’s not a Boeing I’m not going” and all that. Give me a little time though and I’ll be just fine.

Die Maschine ersetzt die bislang eingesetzte Boeing 747-400.

More Internet Angst

March 21, 2010 By in Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Germany is still not the “digital society” some of you might assume it must be.

An organization called Initiative D21 just broke down Germany’s predominantly technophobic Internet angst population into several angst making groups:

The “digital outsiders”, 35% of the population, are actually frightened by computers and refuse to touch them.

The “occasional users” with 30% will actually use Internet technology from time to time but don’t ask them to work with it regularly or deal with things like Excel (I feel their pain about Excel, I must say).

The “digital pros” with 12% gladly work with Excel and even do PowerPoint, although I wouldn’t know why they would want to.

“Trend users” go further and even build websites and spend why too much time online – on the couch.

Then there’s the “digital avant-garde”, 3% of the population, the real sick puppy techno Internet freak types.

Personally, I don’t know what’s more worrisome; the first or the last group.

Die Deutschen sind immer noch Internet-Muffel

Technophobia time again

January 17, 2010 By in Hi-tech Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

According to an OECD study, German schools are way behind when it comes to offering their students modern digital technology/media.

That’s not all that surprising though, really. All this high-tech stuff is kind of spooky and dangerous over here for some reason. Google is pure evil these days, for instance. And we don’t even want to talk about Microsoft.

Actually, we do. The German Federal Office for Information Security  just warned against using Microsoft’s Internet Explorer. It’s too vulnerable or something. It is the weak link in recent attacks on Google’s systems. But wait, wouldn’t that a good thing then? Whatever.

„Obwohl Deutschland eine der stärksten Wirtschaftsnationen ist, sind wir, wenn es um digitale Medien in der Schule geht, Letzter im OECD-Vergleich.”

Governor Schwarzenegger destroys cyborg arm sent from the future

March 4, 2009 By in Hi-tech Tags: Leave a comment

Claiming to have only wanted to save the world from marauding machines out to annihilate humanity, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger shocked Chancellor Angela Merkel and other visitors at Germany’s CeBIT technology fair yesterday by crushing an eerie cyborg arm which had been sent to the fair from the post-apocalyptic future. He did it with his bare hands, too.

 

 I will now terminate this handshake.

 

“What do you mean it’s from Japan?” asked a skeptical Schwarzenegger as a flustered Chancellor Merkel attempted to explain to him, in English (the governor avoids speaking German over here for some strange reason although we both know that you can, sir), that the arm posed no danger, especially now.

 

Governor Schwarzenegger then apologized and went on to give a speech about how technology will save us all. “Technology is really our great hope for creating extra revenues and stimulating the economy,” the governor said. “And as long as it doesn’t get beamed here from who knows when in one of those creepy burning spheres of plasma thingies, that’s OK by me.”

 

„Ich habe hier mehr Technologie gesehen als in meinem ganzen Leben.“