A Tale Of Two Titles

Syria

Wat denn nu (well which is it then)? Which of these two headlines is correct?

“Germany offers help to Syria chemical mission”

or

“Germany supplied Syria with chemicals up until 2011?”

Both are, you say? OK, I get it. I mean, I kinda sorta do.

Germany is ready to give finance and technical support to the international operation to destroy Syria’s chemical weapons, Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle said on Saturday.

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“Laser”

Dr. Evil: [about his new “laser“] You see, I’ve turned the moon into what I like to call a “Death Star”. [Scott snickers]

Laser

German defense firm Rheinmetall Defense used a new high-energy laser weapons system to shoot fast-moving drones at a distance. The system, which uses two laser weapons, was also used to cut through a steel girder a kilometer away.

All I can say is thank goodness this technology is in German hands. That way it will only be used for peaceful purposes. You know, like making money, and stuff like that.

ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

Germany Not Considering Military Options Again

Just in case you were wondering, I mean (this time they’re not considering them for Syria).

Not like anybody would ever expect them to consider otherwise. I mean, is the Pope a Catholic? Do chickens use fowl language? Do vacuum cleaners suck?

Germans never consider military options, even when they maybe ought to. Unless it’s an Angriffskrieg (war of aggression), I mean. And that’s been a while. It’s just what they (don’t) do. They don’t use weapons, people. They just, you know, sell them.

“We want to avoid a wildfire in the region.”

Ship? What Ship?

This must have been a big misunderstanding or something. A German-owned freighter loaded with weapons from Iran bound for the Syrian regime of Bashar Assad and stopped on Friday near the Syrian port of Tartus has now disappeared off the watery face of the earth.

Und das ist auch gut so (and a good thing, too), as we all know that Germans would never disregard a weapons embargo, neither for fun nor profit, being the pedantic pacifists they are, so this must have been one of those Fata Morgana things that happen out there on the high seas from time to time.

Weapons from Iran? Maybe it was that infamous ghost ship the S.S. Günter Grass.

Der Frachter, der schweres Militärgerät geladen hat, schaltete seinen Transponder aus und ist nicht mehr zu orten.

Germans and their weapons issues

It’s even become peinlich (embarrassing) for German politicians now (and that takes a lot), this nutty idea about forbidding paintball. But they meant well, right? They always do.

Evil paintballer in action.

It’s all about cosmetics, I guess, and blinder Aktionismus (politicking, or doing things just for the sake of doing things). There can’t be many countries out there with stricter weapons controls than the ones Germany already has (maybe North Korea or someplace like that?), but that wackos still go nuts and kill people with guns here and elsewhere, and unfortunately always will, regardless of the local gun laws or paintball culture, well, that’s just another sad, prosaic little fact .

Why not address real weapons issues, pacifist German politicians? You know, like German weapons exports? Those seem to be completely out of control (you’re still number three in the world – go Germany!). Where’s the politicking there? I know, I know; who cares? Nobody, nobody does here. You can’t care about something you refuse to recognize, much less talk about. Getting upset for a few minutes about paintball is a whole lot easier than addressing a real issue, and less embarrassing in the end.

„Beim weltweiten Waffenhandel gehöre Deutschland zu den führenden Nationen, heißt es im Jahresbericht des Bonner Friedens- und Sicherheitsforschungsinstituts. Lieferungen gingen auch in problematische Empfängerländer wie Angola, Ägypten oder Pakistan.“