United We Fall, Divided We Stand

Women and children first! No offense there, Nicolas.

It looks like Germany and France may have had enough of broke weeny Europeans (other than themselves) already and now appear to be planning a secret and very “exlusive stability pact” just for the crème de la crème of ze Europe. You know, for that handful of European countries that can still pay their debts, maybe. But don’t tell anybody yet. This is still a secret, like I said.

Deutschland und Frankreich sind nicht mehr gewillt, auf eine Einigung aller EU-Länder zu warten. Notfalls wären sie bereit, mit einigen Ländern voranzugehen und so innerhalb der Währungszone eine Art Klub der Super-Europäer zu gründen, deren Mitglieder sich strengen Sparauflagen unterwerfen.

Is It Really Over?

Finished? Endlich vorbei? Finito and all that? For real?

 Das Votum der Bürger in Baden-Württemberg ist eindeutig: Stuttgart 21 soll gebaut werden. Das führt zu Erleichterung einerseits, Ärger andererseits. Und Politikern, die sich die Sache schönreden.

I don´t have to hear about Stuttgart 21 demonstrators anymore? I don´t have to wonder anymore about why I´ve never understood how people can go ballistic about rebuilding a city´s freakin´train station underground as if it were some unspeakably important social issue? Honest? You´re not shitting me here? The war is finally over and Johnny can come marching home?

Well then let us all stand and sing together!

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the coming of the Lord;
he is trampling out the vintage
where the grapes of wrath are stored;
he hath loosed the fateful lightning
of his terrible swift sword;
his truth is marching on.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

The Color Of Money

We’re the Greens. You know, green like money (well it’s green back home)? And that’s what it’s going to cost you too, having voted for us like you did - and yet will (the Greens have become a Volkspartei or major party since Fukushima, remember?).

We only want to help you and we are only doing this for your own good, but in order to ecologically retrofit the German nation it will unfortunately be necessary for our subjects everywhere, green or not, to pay quite heavily through the nose.

It’s all about Umverteilung (redistribution – of other people’s money), as usual. And here at our party convention in Kiel we have come up with just a few of the ways with which this will soon be done:

The toll for trucks will be increased.
The company car privilege will be phased out.
Ecological taxation will be increased, loopholes will be closed.
The tax advantage for married couples will be phased out.
Reduced rate exceptions for the value added tax will be eliminated.
The top tax rate will be increased to 49% (beginning with 80,000 euros gross).
The flat rate withholding tax will be replaced with a progressive tax.
A capital levy on “the rich” will be introduced.
A capital tax will be introduced (replacing the capital levy on “the rich” after ten years).
A “financial market transaction tax” will be introduced.

Like we said, these are just a few modest suggestions for Vorspeise (an appetizer). Just wait until we are actually in power.

Qualität hat ihren Preis (everything comes at a price).

Viva la revolución verde!

Or Maybe It Does Stink (Our Debt)

What, me worry?

The German debt agency was forced to retain almost half of a sale of 6 billion euros due to a shortage of bids by investors, sparking fears that Europe’s debt crisis is now even starting to threaten Berlin.

The German government is still resisting calls (from France and elsewhere) to allow the ECB to act more decisively.

“It is a complete and utter disaster,” one financial expert dude in London said. “And everybody has hurt feelings,” I replied. “And that’s the main thing.”

It’s starting to get ugly, folks, in other words. Uh, are we having a panic yet?

“The debt crisis is burrowing ever deeper, like a worm, and is now reaching Germany.”

What Do You Mean You Won’t Buy Our Stuff Anymore?

Europe’s largest economy, may slow to a near standstill next year as the region’s debt crisis saps demand for exports.

You know that scene in Austin Powers when Dr. Evil says an evil funny and he and his evil cronies start laughing loudly in a sinister fashion and just laugh and laugh and laugh and then finally stop laughing because, well, you just can’t keep on laughing like that forever, no matter how evil the joke?

Well it’s the same thing with German Schadenfreude about being fein raus (off the hook) and everybody else out there doing the suffering, economically speaking. You can only enjoy that Schadenfreude for so long, folks. So like export a few more good chuckles out of this while you can.

“The global economic recession triggered by the international financial crisis will be long-term.”

Toss Out Them There German Wetbacks Now!

Well it’s about freakin’ time somebody did something about the German illegal alien menace to the U s of A, I say.

Go Alabama. Run with it. That state’s tough new law targeting illegal immigrants seems to be working even better than expected. A German Mercedes-Benz manager thought he’d try and outsmart us (as in US) by driving around the countryside without a proper driver’s license. When an officer of the law stopped him and asked to see one, the German tried pulling a fast one by pulling out his namby-pamby German identification card. Needless to say he was immediately arrested and taken downtown for questioning (if there is such a thing as downtown in Alabama).

Dumm gelaufen (tough luck), pal. We ain’t the boy scouts here, mein Freund. We’re the Alabama State Police.

The 46-year-old executive was charged with violating the immigration law for not having proper identification, but he was released after an associate retrieved his passport, visa and German driver’s license from the hotel where he was staying.

British Selfish, Germans Bossy

British Prime Minister David Cameron just can’t wait to visit German Chancellor Angela Merkel in Berlin today. Honest.

They really like each other. Really. Despite the clashing views on the euro and the suspicion and the reproaches and the German bashing and the Schadenfreude and those behind the scenes upbraids and the secret plans and those numerous ugly encounters on the football field (some call it soccer) we have all had to watch because we just can’t look away.

Geez. Why can’t everybody be more down-to-earth and even-keeled and well-liked like us Americans?

“We are sick of you criticizing us.”

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 170 other followers