Reality Bites Biting Again

August 29, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, EU, Euro, Europe, Finance, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 1 Comment

Are we having a mutiny yet?

The seething discontent in Germany over Europe’s debt crisis has spread to all the key institutions of the state. “Hysteria is sweeping Germany.” Uh, hysteria is always sweeping Germany. So what’s the big deal this time?

It’s not all that big, really. On September 7, a 440 billion euro EU bail-out fund (EFSF) package (empowering the EFSF to buy bonds pre-emptively and recapitalize banks) goes to the Bundestag and to the country’s constitutional court for a ruling on it’s legality.

German media reported that the latest tally of votes in the Bundestag shows that 23 members from Mrs Merkel’s own coalition plan to vote against the package, including twelve of the 44 members of Bavaria’s Social Christians (CSU). This may force the Chancellor to rely on opposition votes, risking a government collapse.

So? It will pass, of course, because it doesn’t really matter what the man on the street thinks, hysteria or not. This is just another case of what happens when political dreams collide with reality. When the dreamers aren’t held accountable for what they dream, I mean. Happens all the time. No accountability, no problem. Let’s face it: Everybody’s living in the Matrix here and everybody loves it.

“Behind Winston ‘s back the voice from the telescreen was still babbling away about pig-iron and the over fulfilment of the Ninth Three-Year Plan.”

Seven Years Of Famine Or Something

August 28, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Economics, Economy, EU, Euroe, Europe, Finance, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 1 Comment

No short-term pain, no long-term gain.

“There might well be seven lean years ahead for the world economy,” German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble said in a speech at a meeting of Nobel laureates at the University of St. Gallen in Switzerland.

What he really meant was seven years of fiscal consolidation (austerity measures) in Europe (and elsewhere?). This is the key to long-term growth, he says. My, how, uh, German or something.

Jiminy Crickets. As if the ten plagues of late hadn’t been bad enough already, now the Germans themselves (they own Europe, you see, and are recreating it in their own image) are going to inflict the Pharaohs of the EU with seven years of boils, hail, locusts and darkness. In the form of austerity measures, I mean. Or maybe they won’t. Hard to say for sure. Could be that monkeys will fly out of their butts instead.

Muddy Waters knew the deal:

On the seventh hour, of the seventh day,
on the seventh month, the seventh economic witch doctor say:
“He’s born for good luck, and I know you see;
Got seven hundred euros, and don’t you mess with me.

“Germany hasn’t been a reliable power for several years”

August 26, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Kohl, Libya, Merkel, Satire Leave a comment

“Neither domestically nor abroad,” Mr. Kohl said.

“I have to ask myself, where does Germany actually stand today and where does it want to go?”

Merkel’s UN abstention was popular in German polls. And as the Libya NATO operation proved indecisive and messy, with rebels in pickup trucks taking towns and then retreating, and with talk of quagmire, some German officials were telling French colleagues, “We told you so.”

Germany Just Wants To Help

August 25, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Libya, Oil, Satire 1 Comment

To help itself to a piece of Libya’s reconstruction pie, that is.

And they will get it, too. They always do, although they may have to squirm and grovel around for a bit first. Damn. If this were the US we were talking about here I’d have to say that they are only in it for the oil.

Hey, you win a few, you lose a few (nobody’s keeping count in the end, right?): The biggest loser — beside Gaddafi and his soul mates, Russia’s Vladimir Putin and Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez — may well be Angela Merkel of Germany. She looks timid and vacillating beside Sarkozy, on Libya as well as on the European debt crisis.

That result could be ephemeral. But Merkel’s determined effort to dissociate Germany from any alliance role in Libya meant that the European Union lost a historic opportunity to create a leadership role for itself on a foreign-policy crisis that was strategic for Europe. France and Britain had to work within NATO, not the E.U., when their forces went into harm’s way.

The Draußenminister Speaks

August 24, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Germans, Germany, Humor, Libya, Satire, Westerwelle 1 Comment

Explains Libya, I mean. Who says that Germans don’t have chutzpe? But I guess that’s the only alternative you have left once you’ve so loudly and unnecessarily painted/isolated yourself into a corner (it’s not as if they could ever admit that they were wrong or anything).

Guido Westerwelle, who many Germans like to call the Draußenminister (the minister on the outside or the out of it minister, as opposed to Außenminister = foreign minister), has offered his take on Libya. Not that anybody really wanted to hear it or anything. But still.

Ignoring that big ugly elephant in the room, that a human catastrophe, a massacre can be avoided with rapid and determined military action, Guido informs us that Germany’s strict nein to taking part in this action (sanctioned by the UN, despite Germany’s abstention) and it’s electing to go it alone once again and push for gool old-fashioned “sanctions” instead, this is what actually brought about the change currently taking place in Libya. He never even turned red in the face once while explaining this to us, either. Diplomats can just do that stuff, I guess. Even when they’re on the outside. Looking in, I mean.

Der deutsche Außenminister gibt den Libyen-Experten und rät zur Vorsicht bei der Beurteilung der Lage. Dabei trifft Westerwelle wieder einmal nicht den richtigen Ton: Anstatt die Lektion aus dem deutschen Sonderweg zu akzeptieren, tut er so, als sei der Erfolg der Rebellen auch sein Verdienst.

Tribute

August 22, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, History, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Castro, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Left Party 1 Comment

You got to pay tribute where tribute is due. And Germany’s Left party has done it yet again–and deserve the tribute (damn these guys are on a roll these days). By paying tribute to former Cuban leader Fidel Castro in a letter to mark his 85th birthday over the weekend, I mean.

“You can look back proudly on your life of battles and successful action at the head of the Cuban revolution,” the letter goes. OK. But always remember: The Left party is not communist or communist-like or even all that left-leaning in any way shape or form, as they say time and time again. They’re just, uh, progressive or something.

Auf die Genossen in Deutschland kann sich Fidel Castro verlassen. Pünktlich zum 85. Geburtstag des kubanischen Revolutionsführers hat die Parteispitze der Linken eine Grußbotschaft nach Havanna geschickt, die den Jubilar gerührt haben dürfte.

How Miraculous

August 19, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness Tags: Berlin, Economy, Employment, German, Germans, Germany, Jobs 2 Comments

Hidden behind the so-called German economic miracle is an underclass of low-paid employees whose incomes have benefited little from the country’s stability and in fact have shrunk in real terms over the last decade.

Despite Germany’s renowned inflation-fighting efforts, which kept consumer price increases at an average of 1.7 percent a year from 2000 to 2010, more and more low-income Germans report that they cannot make ends meet despite having a job and that they must rely upon state aid to supplement their income.

Nowhere is this deepening chasm more visible than in Berlin-Mitte, the prosperous center of the capital, full of handsome government buildings and fine restaurants that cater to officials and lobbyists.

On a rainy summer morning here, only a 10-minute walk from the glamorous Unter Den Linden boulevard, hundreds of poorly dressed men and women lined up inside the district employment office. Some of them had come to look for work, some were applying for state help and some just wanted to accompany a friend.

“They cannot live off their income. Their wages are just too low. They have no choice but to receive help from the state.”

The Left Keeps Talking

August 15, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, History, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, The Berlin Wall, The Left Party Leave a comment

At least these guys are consistent.

Three Die Linke politicians snub minute’s silence and far-left newspaper lists reasons to be grateful for Berlin Wall.

A far-left newspaper added to the controversy by printing a front page saying “thank you” to the wall for “28 years of keeping the peace in Europe” and “28 years of plentiful crèche and kindergarten places”.

The story even paid tribute to 28 years of Club Cola, East Germany’s answer to the Coca-Cola of the imperialist west, and of FKK, a nudist movement popular in East Germany.

More Knigge

August 11, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness Tags: Berlin, Etiquette, German, Germans, Germany, Good Manners, Humor, Kissing, Manners, Satire 3 Comments

And less kissing. I like these guys, honest. There is too much kissing going on these days.

But I don’t think people should even shake hands anymore, or look sideways at each other for that matter, so don’t listen to me.

“The suspicion for many remains that there is, or may be, an erotic component to the kissing.”

Child Poverty

August 4, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts Tags: Berlin, Children, German, Germans, Germany, Kids, Population 2 Comments

That’s what the Germans call their lack of children here. And with children comprising only 16.5 percent of the total population Germany now has the fewest number of children in all of zee Europe.

And the same report gives child poverty a whole new meaning here, too. It shows that one out of six of these rare creatures is threatened with real poverty.

I don’t know what any of this means. I suppose that Germans just prefer to spend more time with themselves and need to concentrate more on self-discovery and individual fulfillment. And to take themselves more seriously. Than they already are doing, I mean. And that is no laughing matter, believe me. So that makes this place certainly not the kind of place where you would want to raise your kids.

Vor zehn Jahren lag der Kinderanteil bei 18,8 Prozent, jetzt bei 16,5 Prozent, 2030 werden es voraussichtlich nur noch 15 Prozent sein.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Habitudes